kaisou | get the fuck out of my kitchen stronzo

Entry tags:

get the fuck out of my kitchen stronzo

WHO: Vergil + Gilgamesh, + Libra Network
WHERE: Vergil's apartment
WHEN: Late October
WHAT: Gil tries to videoshame Vergil about cooking, Vergil unoreverse-cards him
WARNINGS: Just general shenanigans

[ we've been here before--gil's normal habit of posting things he finds Incredibly Funny on the network--or if you have the man on instagram, he has a habit of posting up things like that, there, too but.

Today you get a video of Vergil stomping around his kitchen, hair half-unkempt, still wet from a recent shower. Fully dressed though, unlike a shirtless Gilgamesh--but that's normal. The man is allergic to shirts. ]

You no what--no. You are not taking a video of me for your Vine, give me that.

[ before gil can start to make his argument, Vergil is grabbing the phone from the man. Directing the camera at what seems to have the man in a knot--his beautiful prestine kitchen is--fine, but there's a pot of boiling water with spaghetti on it on the counter. But. Oh no. ]

You come into my kitchen, you use my ingredients and my kitchenware and you snap the noodles in half? Where did you even get the jarred sauce-- Sono così stanco di te-- I leave you alone for an hour and you commit CRIMES in my general presence. I

[ he's gonna' push the phone back into gil's hands. giving his own hand a very ... odd, pinched together shake as he moves to try to throw the sauce in the garbage. ]

Stop having small pots, Vittore, what do you want from me? [ Gilgamesh protests with a loud, wild laugh--clearly amused by all these antics, despite everything else. The camera turning towards him as he decides to direct his attention to the network--mimicking Vergil's frantic hand-waving. ]

He said he had an appointment and wasn't even supposed to be here right now. What am I to do, STARVE? He's starving me, everyone.

Breaking noodles that are store-bought is not a crime, they have no rights. Surely, you agree with me.

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[ he tries not to look too terribly smug as he makes his post, smirking as Vergil continues to storm around the kitchen swearing in a beautiful mixture of languages as Gil once again picks up the spaghetti box, as if he means to take more noodles in hand to commit a second wave of crimes in Vergil's eyeline. ]

I cannot believe you're in a snit about Trader Joe's brand noodles and sauce. Would you rather I order takeout to the house yet again?

[Deep sigh before she turns the camera on]

Didn't anyone warn you to not mess with an Italian in their kitchen? It's one of the biggest sins to commit against them.

But...

Do you want your normal order delivered to Vittorio's place?

[…so he’s still working and this is just… Nox really shouldn’t be laughing, he is trying SO HARD not to laugh while he watches this. Jesus christ.

He groans afterwards, knowing full well that he’s gonna hear about this all night in the house.]

Really glad I had the kids after school today. Just saying.

[BOTH OF YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT remind him why he’s related to you again, Vergil.]

Sure doesn't look like he was in an appointment, unless of course, he books appointments with his shower. Which...honestly, yeah, I would not be shocked if he did that, actually. Maybe he just blew you off, Gil. Left you to starve. So cruel, so heartless.

[Zulius is on the mend enough to talk shit about Vergil right where he can hear it, so that's something! (Also to enjoy the man's unkempt fresh from the shower look, but that's by the by).]

Gotta be honest, Verg, this is not instilling me with a whole lot of confidence in how you're gonna cope with teaching me how to cook. My food crimes will be so, sooooo much worse.

[While chilling in his cabin and checking on the network:]

why wouldn't you snap the noodles in half, the pot's too small anyway

"If the pot's too small, you could've just bought a bigger one, right?"

If it were anyone else, she wouldn't bother saying that. But it's Gil, and she knows how Gil operates. Also, who's she to pass up a rare opportunity to tease the King of Heroes?

Sounds like Vittore guy doesn't think you're a real chef.

He's disrespecting you. Basically calling you an impasta.

I recognize that the British are ever the last with any right to speak on culinary felonies, but I have to side with Vittore on the grounds of not even making your own sauce. The lack of rights held by storebought pasta is true, but a distant secondary or even tertiary concern.

I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’m inclined to agree with Gilgamesh.

It’s food, isn’t it? What does it matter whether the noodles are broken or not?

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