get the fuck out of my kitchen stronzo

[kowase]

WHO: Vergil + Gilgamesh, + Libra Network
WHERE: Vergil's apartment
WHEN: Late October
WHAT: Gil tries to videoshame Vergil about cooking, Vergil unoreverse-cards him
WARNINGS: Just general shenanigans


[ we've been here before--gil's normal habit of posting things he finds Incredibly Funny on the network--or if you have the man on instagram, he has a habit of posting up things like that, there, too but.

Today you get a video of Vergil stomping around his kitchen, hair half-unkempt, still wet from a recent shower. Fully dressed though, unlike a shirtless Gilgamesh--but that's normal. The man is allergic to shirts. ]

You no what--no. You are not taking a video of me for your Vine, give me that.

[ before gil can start to make his argument, Vergil is grabbing the phone from the man. Directing the camera at what seems to have the man in a knot--his beautiful prestine kitchen is--fine, but there's a pot of boiling water with spaghetti on it on the counter. But. Oh no. ]

You come into my kitchen, you use my ingredients and my kitchenware and you snap the noodles in half? Where did you even get the jarred sauce-- Sono così stanco di te-- I leave you alone for an hour and you commit CRIMES in my general presence. I

[ he's gonna' push the phone back into gil's hands. giving his own hand a very ... odd, pinched together shake as he moves to try to throw the sauce in the garbage. ]

Stop having small pots, Vittore, what do you want from me? [ Gilgamesh protests with a loud, wild laugh--clearly amused by all these antics, despite everything else. The camera turning towards him as he decides to direct his attention to the network--mimicking Vergil's frantic hand-waving. ]

He said he had an appointment and wasn't even supposed to be here right now. What am I to do, STARVE? He's starving me, everyone.

Breaking noodles that are store-bought is not a crime, they have no rights. Surely, you agree with me.

Comments

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[jackdawvision]

it's not a felony mate it's just being practical

a felony would be dipping the noodles in sauce and eating them raw

[kowase]

I never thought reading a sentence could cause someone physical damage.

But here I stand.

Proven wrong.

[jackdawvision]

that's why it's called a felony mate

remember, it could always be worse

[kowase]

I want to ask you what is worse than dry, raw noodles and cold sauce.

But I am mortified by what you may force me to read with my own two eyes.

[jackdawvision]

dry raw noodles and chocolate syrup

before you ask, yes, I had regrets immediately

[kowase]

[ .............................. ]

[ Read ✅ ]

[jackdawvision]

mate are you alive

look, in the grand scheme of things, you have to admit, whatever crimes against good taste I've committed are rather minor and also immediately regretted

[kowase]

I was making tomato sauce and trying to recover from the mental wound that was dealt to me minutes ago.

And I am not sure that chocolate sauce on pasta is a 'minor' food crime.

A minor food crime is using dried garlic instead of fresh garlic.
Or using canned tomatoes instead of fresh ones.

[jackdawvision]

well in my time we didn't have pasta or chocolate sauce in the West Indies so I was doing a spot of experimentation

I'll never do it again, on account of how terrible it tasted

but what's wrong with canned tomatoes? I've tried them, they're fine enough