get the fuck out of my kitchen stronzo

[kowase]

WHO: Vergil + Gilgamesh, + Libra Network
WHERE: Vergil's apartment
WHEN: Late October
WHAT: Gil tries to videoshame Vergil about cooking, Vergil unoreverse-cards him
WARNINGS: Just general shenanigans


[ we've been here before--gil's normal habit of posting things he finds Incredibly Funny on the network--or if you have the man on instagram, he has a habit of posting up things like that, there, too but.

Today you get a video of Vergil stomping around his kitchen, hair half-unkempt, still wet from a recent shower. Fully dressed though, unlike a shirtless Gilgamesh--but that's normal. The man is allergic to shirts. ]

You no what--no. You are not taking a video of me for your Vine, give me that.

[ before gil can start to make his argument, Vergil is grabbing the phone from the man. Directing the camera at what seems to have the man in a knot--his beautiful prestine kitchen is--fine, but there's a pot of boiling water with spaghetti on it on the counter. But. Oh no. ]

You come into my kitchen, you use my ingredients and my kitchenware and you snap the noodles in half? Where did you even get the jarred sauce-- Sono così stanco di te-- I leave you alone for an hour and you commit CRIMES in my general presence. I

[ he's gonna' push the phone back into gil's hands. giving his own hand a very ... odd, pinched together shake as he moves to try to throw the sauce in the garbage. ]

Stop having small pots, Vittore, what do you want from me? [ Gilgamesh protests with a loud, wild laugh--clearly amused by all these antics, despite everything else. The camera turning towards him as he decides to direct his attention to the network--mimicking Vergil's frantic hand-waving. ]

He said he had an appointment and wasn't even supposed to be here right now. What am I to do, STARVE? He's starving me, everyone.

Breaking noodles that are store-bought is not a crime, they have no rights. Surely, you agree with me.

Comments

[throwmoreswords]

[ gilgamesh's laughter has been, frankly, nigh on rabid as he's been playing with his phone and watching Vergil devolve into this hellish cooking whirlwind with the little zebra shaped devils on his shoulders (for there are no angels in this house), but there's a certain strained cadence to his voice when Zulius goes full prison blues about it ]

It appears that Zulius has enlisted the world's saddest one of those wailing snowdogs to catch your attention, Vittore. You've driven him to the brink. Beyond the brink, one might argue. Are you trying to see him to an early grave, you monster?

[ there's the sound of a pasta noodle beginning to crack under pressure, Gilgamesh's contribution to the mourning chorus ]

[bebest]

[Harmonica sound increases. ]

[kowase]

[ he really did just put zulius on read without even thinking about it. Because he was so stressed about the microaggression with the pasta sauce that he just. forgot. he was on voice call. okay.

and now he's being serenaded at with--is that a kazoo?? vergil, for the moment, looks mortified when he realises that the sound isn't some weird music or a ring-tone. But.

He's gonna stare at gil. Then flip over his phone to the image of a very distraught Zulius playing... a.... ? A? ]

...Where did you get a mouth piano, will you--stop being dramatic. I did not try to send anyone to an early grave, I--
Was.

I am trying to cook here! And Fight against the evils of terrible jarred sauces!
I am the one on the brink of death, it is ME who will be put into a grave!

[bebest]

[He did this TERRIBLE THING and now this is his PUNISHMENT for it. Zulius does pause in his playing for a second to blink in confusion at Vergil, brow furrowed.]

Mouth... piano? [He holds it up to the screen.] It's a harMONicA. And I've had it, like, forever? I've been playing since I was like, ten. Wow.

[One of his first little rebellions against his parents. Learning to play something that definitely wasn't considered a cool trick to trot out in front of various stars and starlets at their gaudy parties. ]

I'm not gonna stop being dramatic until you apologise for putting the camera down on me. LIke, wow? The RUDEness. But okay, here we are mourning your horrors over the terrible jarred sauces. How you have suffered this day.

[Naturally, he's gonna lean back in his chair and start playing Taps. Obviously. Beause this is so sad. Poor Vergil.]

[kowase]

[ he's a collector of old military items do you think he doesn't know what taps is!? He's absolutely suffering here are you kidding. He waves his hand almost dismissively as he's corrected on his naming of the item. ]

Harmonica. Mouth Piano. Same thing. Lound instrument made to serenade my suffering.

[ but oh my god. okay, fine. He moves to flip the camera more toward himself, giving a small, exasperated look and a sigh. ]

I apologise for thoughtlessly putting my phone down on you while having a moment in my own head due to the pain I have been inflicted today by two of my dearest companions.

Is that satisfactory.

[bebest]

[This is what he gets. This is exactly what he gets for turning the camera away while his beautiful face was on it!!!!]

Are you saying that you don't like my musical skill? Verg are you saying that?

[Zulius flashes him a grin.]

See~ Was that so hard? And okay, I'm sorry I have injured your delicate Italian sensibilities with my picture of Prego. I'll remember what a horrible trigger it is for you and never do it again.

[He will absolutely do it again. ]