get the fuck out of my kitchen stronzo

[kowase]

WHO: Vergil + Gilgamesh, + Libra Network
WHERE: Vergil's apartment
WHEN: Late October
WHAT: Gil tries to videoshame Vergil about cooking, Vergil unoreverse-cards him
WARNINGS: Just general shenanigans


[ we've been here before--gil's normal habit of posting things he finds Incredibly Funny on the network--or if you have the man on instagram, he has a habit of posting up things like that, there, too but.

Today you get a video of Vergil stomping around his kitchen, hair half-unkempt, still wet from a recent shower. Fully dressed though, unlike a shirtless Gilgamesh--but that's normal. The man is allergic to shirts. ]

You no what--no. You are not taking a video of me for your Vine, give me that.

[ before gil can start to make his argument, Vergil is grabbing the phone from the man. Directing the camera at what seems to have the man in a knot--his beautiful prestine kitchen is--fine, but there's a pot of boiling water with spaghetti on it on the counter. But. Oh no. ]

You come into my kitchen, you use my ingredients and my kitchenware and you snap the noodles in half? Where did you even get the jarred sauce-- Sono così stanco di te-- I leave you alone for an hour and you commit CRIMES in my general presence. I

[ he's gonna' push the phone back into gil's hands. giving his own hand a very ... odd, pinched together shake as he moves to try to throw the sauce in the garbage. ]

Stop having small pots, Vittore, what do you want from me? [ Gilgamesh protests with a loud, wild laugh--clearly amused by all these antics, despite everything else. The camera turning towards him as he decides to direct his attention to the network--mimicking Vergil's frantic hand-waving. ]

He said he had an appointment and wasn't even supposed to be here right now. What am I to do, STARVE? He's starving me, everyone.

Breaking noodles that are store-bought is not a crime, they have no rights. Surely, you agree with me.

Comments

[fionnuisce]

I can understand not wanting to go to the effort of making one's own pasta, in most circumstances. Tomato sauce has next to no excuse.

[kowase]

Oh, the very same. I do not make my own noodles on the best of days--who has the time for such.

However, the time taken to boil and then cool the noodles is similar to the time spent of properly making a sauce. Many may complain that 'who has fresh tomatoes on hand at all times--' Me.

Fresh tomatoes do not cost an exorbitant price.
Some jarred sauce is more expensive.

[fionnuisce]

Honestly. The absurdly rich of capital and poor of sense have no concept of effort. And any idiot can learn the basics of cooking, I certainly managed it.

[kowase]

You would strike me as a man too busy to cook his own meals, much like Gilgamesh himself. And yet.

Here I stand. Impressed with you.

How do I teach a king.

[fionnuisce]

Me? God, no. I wasn't born into nobility like some people, and I spent a couple years living with three people who didn't know how to cook. Either I figured it out or starved to death. Or worse, survived off my mercenary friend's rations.

[yikes]

As to how to teach someone with no necessity to learn, that's a lot trickier.

[kowase]

I suppose that would make the difference. Necessity over being able to... preform that necessity for you.
I admit I only learned once I escaped the prison that was my family home.

[ also uh. yeah. yikes. what the fuck. ]

You have certainly been through a lot, by those comments alone. Military Rations are not pleasant.

[fionnuisce]

I admit I started learning the barest necessities when I moved out at sixteen myself. Actually trying came later when I was living with those three. Maiya tried to convince me that godforsaken thing was edible and I turned around to find a cookbook five minutes later.

[he's british, but he has standards]

[kowase]

This 'Maiya' is a madwoman and she either was trying hard to convince herself as well as you--or she has never eaten a proper meal in her life.

Out of gentle curiosity I have eaten an MRE merely once in my life, and it is not an experience I will ever find myself repeating.

[fionnuisce]

Well, she's a mercenary, so probably closer to the second option. Once I learned to make a decent cake, that rather solved several problems on all fronts--not the least of which was 'I would gladly starve to death first if that was my only other option'. England may not be renowned for our culinary prowess, but I at least claim a sense of taste.