[sermon 7] dearly beloved we gather here today to unite these souls in holy mogtrimony

[asipofbride]

WHO: Wolfwood + the cottage crew + you!
WHERE: the network + the cottage
WHEN: after the Fae Olympic fiasco
WHAT: so Wolfwood has a question for anybody more learned than he. which is most people. the religious cult was a bit pared to scope on what they taught. he's also living the fallout in real time and maybe, just maybe, the desert planet doesn't sound so bad?
WARNINGS: n/a at the moment!

how much legal advice can you get for an apple pie and a prayer; network post; text; un: ndwolfwood

so i have a question that i'm asking for a friend.

ya'll know them white flying rat-bear things with the head tumors on a string?

how, uh. how legally binding is marital paperwork if they deliver it to you? asking for a friend.

... the friend is me. they showed up at my door and threw sparkly trash at me and gave me rings and wouldn't leave until i pulled a gun on them and now Dante's not talking to me from where he's laying on the floor and Vash went out the window after them

i dont know how to be married help
don't open the door for those little shits
i can dump water on devils right it won't make them melt or turn into steam

don't even have to go to the chapel you're already married; action

[ this is a two cigarette problem.

Wolfwood has one cigarette in his mouth and another in his hand and he's just sort of staring out of the window if anyone wants to drop by--or if any of the residents of the cottage want to hash out what the White Menace just brought to their doorstep.

Slappy the Popplio is balancing the rings on his nose and having a grand ol' time, all things considered. ]

Comments

3/3

[asipofbride]

Jun.

Buddy.

Why do you think Vash isn't also married to me and Dante?

[whiteshroud]

[......]

Isn't Dante just couch surfing?

[asipofbride]

god above
no
we've been a thing for months
minty
mintsprout
beanshoot
topiary

did you seriously not know we have not been even vaguely subtle

[whiteshroud]

[?!?!?!?!?!?]

You are?!?!

No I had NO idea! I wasn't even sure if you and Vash had held hands yet???

[asipofbride]

jun we used to duck into my gun closet to have sex because uncle stuffy was gonna die from a popped blood vessel in his big-ass forehead the fuck do you mean hold hands

[venti_late]

Kinky!

[asipofbride]

FUCK

[advivo]

[ ................



yup



he sure did type that




dante is just going to groan and bury his head in his hands. ]

Nick.

[asipofbride]

I'M SORRY I'M A LITTLE WOUND UP BY THIS SITUATION IN PARTICULAR.

[ three cigarettes. maybe three cigarettes. ]

[advivo]

C'mere, give me one of those.

[ he's gonna reach out and make a grabby hand towards wolfwood, give him smoke. also give him you. ]

[asipofbride]

Get your own, you don't even have a nicotine addiction.

[ swatting at his grabby hand as he attempts to figure out the logistics of smoking three cigarettes at once. he hasn't lit the third one but the small shake in his hand indicates it might be imminent. ]

[whiteshroud]

[.....]




How'd you all three of you fit in there well enough to fuck?

1/2

[asipofbride]

are you serious

2/2

[asipofbride]

vash is like two inches wide and i'm a head shorter than them we fit with a lot of goddamn ingenuity

[whiteshroud]

What? I do know what sex is. But ok, that's impressive.

But no I had no idea. I'm pretty sure I'm the last person most people wanna talk about relationships with, so I'm usually out of the loop.

[asipofbride]

then you should know what the humanoid body can do
especially with whatever freak of nature shit is going on with vash

on one hand that's so goddamn funny and you are the funniest person in this new crash on the steamerwreck that is my life
on the other hand how are you so cool and yet so unburdened by observations

[jackdawvision]

That’s quite a romantic setting.

[asipofbride]

when i die in the next ten minutes i wish to be buried in my fuckin closet

no not my fucking closet my
fuck
shit

[ action ]

[doubledollar]

[ vash, in the background, stares at the back of wolfwood's head and makes the fucking motion of digging with both hands.

its shut the fuck up friday shut the fuck up ]

[ action ]

[asipofbride]

[ what if Wolfwood also goes to the floor

maybe Dante has the right idea ]

Leave me for the worms.

[jackdawvision]

I don’t know, it does sound the height of romance to be buried in the place where you felt ecstasy in the arms of your beloved. Beloveds.

Wait, how does that even work, the three of you?

[advivo]

don't ask

[bebest]

[He's sitting right here but he's gonna get involved. He can't let it be.]

So you could say


that you've now come out of the closet.

[asipofbride]

how could you do this to me stripes
you have four legs and you gotta kick me when i'm down with all of them

[bebest]

I'm sorry, Nick. I could NOT resist that low-hanging fruit. It was right there! I am but a man!