[NETWORK POST] Update!

[kaisoumods]

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: Libra App
WHEN: February 1st
WHAT: Zodiac Network Post
WARNINGS: None!

[Wherever you are, your phone will start to ring and vibrate. It doesn’t matter if your phone was off or on mute - it will ring anyway. Checking the phone, you'll see the Libra app has opened itself and will not close until you read and response to a new post from Zodiac]

Hello everyone! Happy Lunar New Year and we at Zodiac hope you've been well!

We've seen your engagement on the app this past month and we're impressed! Thanks to everyone who got involved in sorting out the situation in the Helheim gate. You all did some incredible work and we look forward to working with you in the future!

Now we understand you have a lot of questions. While there's many things we can't disclose at this time, we can clarify one thing. Everyone on this app has been flagged for abnormal spirit energy readings. We're still looking into what it means and the potential effects of it. All we really know right now is they're similar to the energy readings coming from our otherworldly guests.

We'll try to keep you updated as we learn more! In the meantime, let's end on anothe question to lighten the mood!


Sponsored by Deathmatch Wine & Spirits. Try our Comos Canyon mix today! Please drink responsibly.

[Users will have the option to choose their own display names and userpics if they haven't already. If nothing is chosen, the app will use their real name and a quick photo taken of them from their camera's phone. Like last time, there'll be no responses from Zodiac]

Comments

UN: ZW🌹

[wilder]

It's a guy that got killed a long time ago, but it's fine apparently cause he died for everyone's sins and now a bunch of people worship him like some god. Even call his death anniversary "Good Friday".

It's totally messed up if you ask me. [No bias showing here at ALL] Way worse than the stuff I was talking about.

[thavnairian]

[................... bruh]

so you're telling me this random guy who was probably decently nice died a horrible death and now everyone treats him like a god?

and i thought eorzea had problems. you can't just go around treating people like gods because if you give someone enough power and fanaticism they'll make it reality.

[THIS IS A LITTLE CLOSE FOR COMFORT so he immediately reaches for humor.]

note to self: increase my body count so people don't try to worship my ass, no matter how big and nice it is, after i die

[wilder]

Preeeettty much! I suggest not reading up on any of the major religions in this world unless you wanna make yourself angry.

[Which he sure did.]

Aw, but I want a religion about your nice ass, Amal.

[thavnairian]

noted. i was a little interested in whatever they've got going on in the curry country but maybe i just won't.

[Not worth finding out Shiva actually wasn't a hot chick with huge tits and heavy eye makeup.]

you can just tell bawdy stories instead, way more of a tribute!

[wilder]

Yeah, good call. Just enjoy the food and fashion! We're not from here, so it's not really on us to get too involved in their problems anyway.

[It's the way to stay sane]

Haha, alright alright. But can we at least make a statue of it? So future generations can admire it?

[thavnairian]

it's true. though i have to say it's weird when it's familiar and yet not familiar at all. everything feels a little too sleek to be comfortable... and there's more fried food than i remember. tasty though!

[He thinks about this one for a minute...]

only if you slap it for good luck

[wilder]

Yeah, I get that. I get that feeling too sometimes.

[Some things are familiar, but also completely alien. It's weird]

Of course I'd slap it for good luck! Open palm too!

i HAD TO

[higanbana]

o amal who art in hell, bubbly be thy butt,

[thavnairian]

fiery be thy hair, and sculpted be thy loins,

[drewthetower]

they say it was his entire reason for like. incarnating on earth yeah

[thavnairian]

maybe they say that now but it sounds like hero worship gone too far to me

i've long since figured out that people don't like when you try to argue with their religion though

[drewthetower]

some people are okay with it but there is a reason I told you not to google it

[thavnairian]

what? are they going to find out i'm a heretic and fight me in the mall parking lot?

[drewthetower]

I mean

some might. we had witch hunts a few centuries ago and there's a whole Deal with a monk not liking how things were going in the church and breaking off to make a NEW church and then that splitting into a bajillion different churches

no blackjack and hookers in any of em either

[higanbana]

supposedly he was the son of god? but also IS god? also the holy spirit is a thing and i'm not actually sure how that works into all of it but that might ALSO be god/jesus?

tl;dr it's all pretty fucked up, yeah. that's only scratching the surface of the Weird Bullshit

(ps: although i DO think that "way worse" is subjective, there, lol 😛 there's sinning... and then there's SINNING

way funnier, though? yes)

[wilder]

Yeah, I heard about all that stuff. But I'm pretty skeptical about it, since people like to slap titles like that onto people, and it's not like anyone's still around from Jesus's time to verify if he was the real deal.

[Also god is dead and religion is a scam ~ The word according to Zelos]

Haha, well I like my SINNING much better. And c'mon Ris, you can't deny there's some furry stuff that's sexy!

[higanbana]

yeah, i don't buy any of it either. everything i know is via hearing other people talk about it. which usually only serves to make them sound crazier lmaooo

and okay okay i think all of us normies have definitely had that Weird Sexual Awakening to some didnee movie or another. they need to stop making the foxes hot!!

[wilder]

It's true. I'm sure it sounds normal if you grew up with it, but from an outsider's perspective? Yikes.

Right?? What's with those foxes?? There's no way they made them hot by accident.

[higanbana]

"so yeah god sent his son down to earth so some romans could nail his hands to a piece of wood and he could slowly bleed to death! and this somehow cleansed humanity of its sins despite presumably being a pretty big sin in and of itself amen."

that is a big fucking yikes if i have ever seen one.

also YES you feel me!! SOMEONE in the animation studio has a thing for anthro foxes and frankly i support them

[wilder]

Seriously. Hard to get a bigger yikes than that.

Yeah, that's gotta be the case. Which hey, good for them! Whoever the fox furry is, they're living their best life.

[thavnairian]

i don't envy this guy's identity issues

[higanbana]

me either. even without getting the third guy involved can you imagine I AM MY OWN FATHER

no thank you

[thavnairian]

that sounds less like a religion and more like an accident of time travel

[higanbana]

if you think that's wild you should hear about the stuff before god had a son. lighting bushes on fire to talk to people, turning a lady into a pillar of salt for looking behind her, setting two she-bears upon a group of youths to maul them bc they called a guy a "bald-head"

[thavnairian]

so god was kind of a dick before he got laid? typical