text | un: otterfan04131973

[godmaker]

WHO: Neuvillette and you!
WHERE: Libra app
WHEN: February 12th
WHAT: Local Old Man Puts Out Another Ad (Valentines Edition)
WARNINGS: None

☆ Looking for Paid Escort

I am looking for a person to pose as my companion on the 14th of February. There are many 'couples-only' experiences in this city and I wish to attend these and immerse myself in the experience. I do not have a preference for appearance, gender, or magical ability. If you are of divinity please do not exhibit any divine characteristics in my vicinity.

Events may include, and are not limited to:

• Wedding cake sampling (There may be nut allergens)


• A pastry-making class (There may be nut allergens)


• A dance class (There may be nut allergens)


• A multiple-course meal themed around heart shapes (Pescetarian)


• A boat ride on the lake (the boat is OSHA certified safe. I am willing to provide swimming lessons for safety.)

I will pay a rate of at least $400/hour, for a minimum of four (4) hours. You may negotiate depending on your skills and/or certifications.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

Comments

Re: text; un: ♡☮STAMPEDE

[godmaker]

What does being romantic have to do with it?

[doubledollar]

its about LOVE!


L-O-V-E!!!

you can't pay someone for love!

...

i mean you can but you shouldn't

text: un: ndwolfwood

[asipofbride]

man i wanna be paid for love

hey blondie im gonna up my day rate ill text you and uncle scruffy

[doubledollar]

hwyh, what nononono

thats only if youre selling love as a job or something it doesnt work when you actually love someone its totally different!!

[asipofbride]

okay but why do it for free if i can be compensated for it

even if i actually love you you can still pay me don't you think i deserve it

[doubledollar]

i already give you money for cigarettes! and drinks!
and i cook you dinner sooooo many times!!

you want money too!?

[asipofbride]

yes, duh who wouldnt want money

[godmaker]

Why not? Money can and should be exchanged for goods and services.

[doubledollar]

Love isn't a good or service, it's a genuine, wonderful emotion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[godmaker]

Are you experienced in it?

[doubledollar]

You're damn right I do! Love is one of my favorite things in the world! I'm a warrior of love and peace, you know!?

I've got years experience! So many years.

[godmaker]

Please lend me your wealth of experience. I wish to experience activities that require romantic partners and I find myself with a dearth of them. [Even though he has two (2) likely enthusiastically willing of them at home but never mind that.]

1/2

[doubledollar]

[ as someone who has two partners and previous to this post has never said he loves them he gets it. its fine, who needs to think about things critically!?

hold on wait though he's buffering

this isn't the response he expected ]

2/2

[doubledollar]

--Huh?

wait you actually want my advice!?
oh i mean

Yeah of course, Mr. Otterfan, you know you have my support in any way you need! My vast knowledge is at YOUR disposal!

... what sorta advice do you need.

[venti_late]

[Venti's been watching this chaos from the sidelines with red wine and chocolate for fun, but now he needs to clarify something. Because this has now come up an alarming, hilarious amount of times.]

Wait wait wait wait

Neuvillette... you sound like you're describing sex workers. Is that what you're looking for????

[whiteshroud]

Shh, don't tell him. Let him learn things on his own.

[Jun you like watching the trainwreck. THIS IS PRIME ENTERTAINMENT]

[venti_late]

You're so right. That's his best teacher right now.

[And this is why they're friends.]

1/3

[godmaker]

2/3

[godmaker]

3/3

[godmaker]

[That typing bubble sure lasts long enough for someone to think maybe the phone signal is broken?]

No. [This is because Neuvillette had to walk though his apartment, find a couch that did not have paperwork on it, and shove his face against the cushions to muffle the yell.] Incorrigible creature. Those would be private matters.

[venti_late]

[Venti has bets that Neuvillette had another reaction to the bard's ways.]

Incorrigible? Aw, Monsieur Neuvillette, you say the sweetest things to me! It's almost enough to make a guy blush.

But isn't asking the network at large about matters of the heart also technically a private matter, my dear dragon?

1/3

[godmaker]

I am starting to understand how you and that desiccated scale-eater deserve each other.

[HE IS LEAVING GOODBYE. HE IS BUSY DO NOT CALL AGAIN NO SOLICITATIONS.]

This is not a matter of the heart, as I have not mentioned either person that would have been concerned.

[godmaker]

[????????? wait should he have sent that. Barbatos had the uncanny ability to ferret out information that would make several lawyers weep.]

done

[godmaker]

[OK he's cool he's fine he is Very Okay with all the things.]

I just thought the wedding cake looked tempting.

[venti_late]

What can I say? I'm still a rebel at heart and it was strong enough to move mountains~

[Oh? Oh, oh, oh??? Venti is going to be connecting some dots to form quite the picture soon. Their days are numbered.]

The wedding cake, hm? Were you planning on feeding it to the two special people who have lovingly captured your heart and attention?