UN Zodiac | Mid-Month Post

[kaisoumods]

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: Libra App
WHEN: December 15th
WHAT: Zodiac Network Post
WARNINGS: None!

[We've reached the middle of December. Christmas Town is fully accessible and we're just a couple days away from the KFA Charity Ball. Wherever you are, your phone will give a blaring alert sound, indicating a new Zodiac post. As usual, the alert will sound even if you have your phone turned off or on silent, and will take over your phone until you read and comment to the message. The post begins like the previous one had, with notifications of peoples coming and goings]



Gwayne, Blue, and Scintilla have joined the app. Say hi everyone!


Garnet has left the app.

[The post then continues on as normal.]

Hello! Thank you for using the Libra App.

Alright, so most of the PR team is off at the Zodiac Holiday party and forgot to make this, so my boss assigned me to write it. You'll have to excuse me if this doesn't have the usual tone, but I just want to finish this so I can get paid and go home.

Anyway, Zodiac's has received the reports of people changing into wolves and monsters. No, we don't know what's going on, and we've been advised by our legal team to stop making speculative guesses to why. We'll look into it, but honestly I wouldn't expect a response this month because it's the holidays. Until then, I don't know sit tight and maybe get a scratching post for yourself. I'm just a normal guy so I don't know what to do about turning into a monster.

Second, we've reached a verdict on what to do with Professor Willow. It took some work, but we've reached a deal with the Black Order to deal with him. They'll be taking him to Florida where he'll be put to work helping out their work there. They've promised he'll be under constant supervision. I can't promise he'll survive his time in Florida, but the same can be said about anyone who goes to Florida.

Oh yeah, and Santa Claus is still looking for assistance from anyone willing to give some extra time. He promised to help you with your gift list in exchange. I'm not going because I work enough as it is, but guess there's worse ways to spend the holidays. Oh, and don't forget to attend the charity ball on the 17th if you're into formal events.

I think that's it. Happy holidays.




This post has sponsored by Eachdraidh Titles. Become a lord of- oh wait the legal team is signaling for me to cut this ad. Nevermind then.

[Users will have the option to choose their own display names and user pics if they haven't already. If nothing is chosen, the app will use their real name and a quick photo taken of them from their camera's phone. Like always, there'll be no responses from Zodiac.]

Comments

un: eve

[playtag]

This is... different.

What kind of prison is Florida?

UN: hikari-vi

[whiteshroud]

It's a land full of swamps, alligators, and the most chaotic beings known collectively as Florida Man.

[playtag]

[Ohhhh]

What does Florida Man do?

[...Florida Men.]

[whiteshroud]

Everything and anything, really. It's impossible to predict.

One day Florida man will throw a Christmas tree at a person, the next he'll break into a home and suck on someone's toes while they sleep. And so on.

[playtag]

But... why?

Why would they do such things?

un: PantsonPyre

[localweirdo]

That's the thing.

Florida is the prison.

[playtag]

Yes.

[Eve thought that part was obvious.]

But what kind of prison? Large or small? Is security high or low? Are conditions harsh?

[localweirdo]

I'd say it's rather large but the security is rather low. Although, the conditions are rather harsh given how many animals want to kill you.

You know what they say about Florida!

[And here, she'll attach an image]

[playtag]

Oh. I hope the Black Order will keep him safe while he does time.

[He should serve his sentence, not die of it.]

Ah, a meme.

[Thanks to Hansa, she is learning.]

un: shadeshift

[sunforging]

Oh, hells, that's me.

[the video may be upside down, briefly. She's still figuring it out.]

Scintilla Caminus, at your service. Seems we got enough Warriors around here for a full adventurin' party, but maybe one more can't hurt.




...Th' hells is a Florida?

text: un: trienemybest

[droptheious]

Sit tight and wait for the holidays to be over? That's the best advice that anyone can come up with? I've wrecked TWO pairs of gloves with these claws showing up randomly! I think we deserve a better answer to being afraid we're turning into something else than just "sit tight".

[laminae]

i can get you more gloves
i don't know i think they're cute

[droptheious]

...

[It turns out Varian's desire to yell is not as strong as having the dokis. Teenage boys, man.]

You do?

Anyway, the point is, they need to at least try and figure out what's happening before it gets worse!

[laminae]

yeah they're like
a whole new weapon

sorry i know having changes to your body when you don't want them sucks a ton

[Oh man does he ever understand.]

they should totally be working on this
like, cancel the holidays and do your dang sciencing guys come on

[droptheious]

I guess. I'd be a lot more comfortable with them if I could predict when they showed up. But if Zodiac aren't helping as usual I need more time to study it. Which is a lot more worrying when I don't know if this IS gonna get worse or not.

But thanks. I appreciate the support. I know you get it.

text: un: spacekid

[schrodingersghost]

Wait, claws? Is that new?

[droptheious]

Yep, they showed up at the start of the month. The monkey tail sometimes turns into a wolf one too. I can force it back if I try hard enough, not in the spirit realm, though.

[schrodingersghost]

[Danny was the very last person who could say anything about weird powers showing up, but... ]

That's weird. Do you think its connected to anything? Or just random?

[droptheious]

I dunno. I know it's happened to other people and I- I feel this weird pull towards the spirit realm all the time now? Like it's where I need to be. It's really disconcerting.

un: silverrose

[fionnuisce]

So 'Florida' is definitely 'we sent him to a farm upstate', right? Then again, I doubt it makes a difference.

Appreciate that the intern that got stuck writing this cares about as much as I expect. That's not even sarcasm, I kind of want us to keep this one.

un: ecraig

[fiddlestick]

Wait, are they implying he didn't actually go to Florida?

[fionnuisce]

It's certainly entirely possible they actually sent him to Florida, sure. I just also think it would be a convenient excuse for them to handle a problem quietly.

[fiddlestick]

I mean, I guess, but since we know where he's been sent it'd be possible to follow up to make sure he is actually there, wouldn't it?

UN: Thorn

[poisontippedcure]

I think I like this announcement more than those previous.

I appreciate the honesty, if nothing else.

un: harlequin

[phdmotherfucker]

How do we keep this guy writing the messages full time?