A tisket a tasket

[touchofcashmere]

WHO: Stede and You
WHERE: Network
WHEN: 12/8 2 a.m.
WHAT: Chaos
WARNINGS: Nothing...yet



[at around two a.m., some might be awoken by an ungodly scream from their phones. The video with the un: blublood is all black but there is the sound of crashing and screaming and grunting and 'Oh God!' High and delicate and terrified and even more screams and echoing roar and something tearing with a resounding. 'Please, no! Do you want some honey? Some tea? Aieeeee!'

Then, dead silence, about thirty minutes later there is a sliver of light on the device as if peering through a cracked door and through the crack it's easy to see a giant honey-brown bear taking up what remains of the rest of the bed, holding the shredded remains of a feather pillow and snoring gently. The voice near the device is small and squeaky]

H-hello? I'd like to report a bear...

Comments

un: harlequin

[phdmotherfucker]

Are you sure it isn't a dragon?

[touchofcashmere]

I mean...not a hundred percent, but I'm fairly sure I know what a dragon looks like.

I--

Is there a special unit? For dragons?

[phdmotherfucker]

Just checking. That's the big animal that started following me around when I moved here.

I think that might just be the bear's house now.

[touchofcashmere]

Oh... I didn't think dragons were common...

[possibly the strangest member of animal control he's talked to. Granted he's only had to talk to one about a rabid mongoose in the boathouse, but still]

Are you drunk? [or something]

[phdmotherfucker]

Are you? Letting a live bear into your home does not seem like an especially sober thing to do.

[ Calling-the-network-at-2am-ass motherfucker. ]

[touchofcashmere]

I didn't let anything anywhere! It just showed up! I woke up and there it was!

[which doesn't make much sense but it's the truth]

un: cremebrulee

[temptationaccomplished]

Oh dear. Perhaps you could sneak out while it's asleep?

[touchofcashmere]

I... I suppose so. [he pushes open the door a little and it creaks so loud the bear snorts in its sleep.

Stede very very very carefully closes the door again so there is the barest sliver of light]

Then again this is an apt metaphor for my life. Won't be so bad spending my time in here right?

[temptationaccomplished]

It's not exactly ideal, but--

Whatever do you mean about a bear in your bed as a metaphor for your life? Does raise some questions about your bedtime habits.

[touchofcashmere]

What? No. I meant- [well nevermind. It's a bit too personal in any case]

Listen, are you sure you can't come over and do anything about it? It is very big.

[temptationaccomplished]

What do you expect me to do about it? I'm certainly not a zookeeper!

Do you have any pepper spray? I think I've heard somewhere that hikers use that for bears...and pretending to be larger? Or do you play dead for bears? I don't recall.

un: jeff

[saltandpepperbeard]

[There's some shushing of a barking dog, along with a low chuckle as he tries unsuccessfully to shush said dog] Shut it, you crazy fucker, I'm not taking you to a 2am fight-club against a bear.

...Come on, man, that's no way to treat your bedmate. If you didn't want him to stay the night, you should have kicked him out sooner. Don't be an ass about it now.

Seriously, though, you alive, dude?

[touchofcashmere]

Yes. Clever. Thanks.

[he checks the phone]

Jeff.

[he sort of likes that name]

For your information, not that it's any of your business- I'm not-

Well it's none of you're business.

And I am alive...for now. Don't know for how much longer.

[saltandpepperbeard]

Not my best, yeah, but, fuck it, you go with what you get.

Jeff, yep--that's my name, don't wear it out. Don't be so overdramatic. Seriously, it looks like it'd prefer your bed than eating you. And if it does look hungry, I don't know, ask the blond with the dragon if her pet likes bear.

[touchofcashmere]

Overd- it's perfectly dramatic. I think blonds with dragons are more overdramatic than that.

I've heard from her anyway, but I'm not sure it's going to work. Maybe if I just run at it screaming. What do you think?

[saltandpepperbeard]

She seemed pretty level. Bit nuts, but aren't we all.

Worth a shot. Got the element of surprise on your side. What've you got in that closet? Anything useful?

text; un: fern

[laminae]

REPORT a bear? dog bears are the second best animal why would you report him?

unless he's evil?

if he's evil i can take care of him for you
all i want for payment is his skin
i could use a new hat

[touchofcashmere]

[...]

OH, yes. Very evil. Just now he was bragging about burning down orphanages. I've never met a more evil bear.

[laminae]

holy cats, that's SUPER evil

where are you? i got swords and can be over there in a jiffy to deal with this dirtball

[touchofcashmere]

I'll give you the address[and he does to a pretty fancy part oftown]

Please come as quick as you can. Don't worry about blood on the upholstery but don't stab the doorman.

[laminae]

no promises if he's a jerk too

[That is not a joke.]

i'll be over there soon ok

[And he will! He'll bundle himself up against the cold and head over to Stede's fancy neighbourhood, and luckily he does not stab the doorman. He just heads on up to Stede's place and knocks on the door, one teen made out of grass who is very anxious to start stabbing bears.]

Video; un: ShootingStar

[blurrier]

[This young adult has been up late studying for finals. He's got bags under his eyes. Eyes which grow very wide in terror as he watches this unfold on the screen.]

Oh noooo, there's a bear in your bed!!

[The most helpful.]

[touchofcashmere]

I know! It's terrible! It's huge and I don't even know how it got in here! I don't even have a cat door!

[he's not sure what to do about it to be honest]

I'm guessing you're not animal control either.

[traaaaaash]

[ Well, that is a way to be woken up. Eda is catapulted from a pretty decent slumber into wakefulness by the screams from her phone. Her first thought is that Luz or Amity might be in danger; she seems to have developed enough of a parental instinct by now to be instantly alert in a situation like this. ]

Yeah? Hello?

[ But then she keeps watching the video, and... yeah, that's neither of the girls' voice. That's a stranger's voice. Eda groans deeply ]

Not my problem, dude!

[touchofcashmere]

You know you people in animal control really need to work on your customer service skills. [honestly.] And isn't a loose homicidal bear everyone's problem?