A tisket a tasket

[touchofcashmere]

WHO: Stede and You
WHERE: Network
WHEN: 12/8 2 a.m.
WHAT: Chaos
WARNINGS: Nothing...yet



[at around two a.m., some might be awoken by an ungodly scream from their phones. The video with the un: blublood is all black but there is the sound of crashing and screaming and grunting and 'Oh God!' High and delicate and terrified and even more screams and echoing roar and something tearing with a resounding. 'Please, no! Do you want some honey? Some tea? Aieeeee!'

Then, dead silence, about thirty minutes later there is a sliver of light on the device as if peering through a cracked door and through the crack it's easy to see a giant honey-brown bear taking up what remains of the rest of the bed, holding the shredded remains of a feather pillow and snoring gently. The voice near the device is small and squeaky]

H-hello? I'd like to report a bear...

Comments

un: harlequin

[phdmotherfucker]

Are you sure it isn't a dragon?

[touchofcashmere]

I mean...not a hundred percent, but I'm fairly sure I know what a dragon looks like.

I--

Is there a special unit? For dragons?

un: cremebrulee

[temptationaccomplished]

Oh dear. Perhaps you could sneak out while it's asleep?

[phdmotherfucker]

Just checking. That's the big animal that started following me around when I moved here.

I think that might just be the bear's house now.

[touchofcashmere]

Oh... I didn't think dragons were common...

[possibly the strangest member of animal control he's talked to. Granted he's only had to talk to one about a rabid mongoose in the boathouse, but still]

Are you drunk? [or something]

[phdmotherfucker]

Are you? Letting a live bear into your home does not seem like an especially sober thing to do.

[ Calling-the-network-at-2am-ass motherfucker. ]

[touchofcashmere]

I... I suppose so. [he pushes open the door a little and it creaks so loud the bear snorts in its sleep.

Stede very very very carefully closes the door again so there is the barest sliver of light]

Then again this is an apt metaphor for my life. Won't be so bad spending my time in here right?

[touchofcashmere]

I didn't let anything anywhere! It just showed up! I woke up and there it was!

[which doesn't make much sense but it's the truth]

[phdmotherfucker]

Then you should be calling Animal Control, not playing on apps.

[temptationaccomplished]

It's not exactly ideal, but--

Whatever do you mean about a bear in your bed as a metaphor for your life? Does raise some questions about your bedtime habits.

[touchofcashmere]

Isn't...that who I'm calling? [he doesn't know much about apps if he's honest]

[touchofcashmere]

What? No. I meant- [well nevermind. It's a bit too personal in any case]

Listen, are you sure you can't come over and do anything about it? It is very big.

[phdmotherfucker]

You sure you're not drunk?

un: jeff

[saltandpepperbeard]

[There's some shushing of a barking dog, along with a low chuckle as he tries unsuccessfully to shush said dog] Shut it, you crazy fucker, I'm not taking you to a 2am fight-club against a bear.

...Come on, man, that's no way to treat your bedmate. If you didn't want him to stay the night, you should have kicked him out sooner. Don't be an ass about it now.

Seriously, though, you alive, dude?

[touchofcashmere]

All I had was a sherry. I had plans to make.

Listen, who is this then?

[temptationaccomplished]

What do you expect me to do about it? I'm certainly not a zookeeper!

Do you have any pepper spray? I think I've heard somewhere that hikers use that for bears...and pretending to be larger? Or do you play dead for bears? I don't recall.

[touchofcashmere]

Oh, I thought you-- well it must be the app again. Damn.

Maybe I can fashion a hanger into a sort of weapon? Do you think that might work?

[phdmotherfucker]

You posted to the Libra App, which does not look even a little bit like a call screen.

[touchofcashmere]

Yes. Clever. Thanks.

[he checks the phone]

Jeff.

[he sort of likes that name]

For your information, not that it's any of your business- I'm not-

Well it's none of you're business.

And I am alive...for now. Don't know for how much longer.

text; un: fern

[laminae]

REPORT a bear? dog bears are the second best animal why would you report him?

unless he's evil?

if he's evil i can take care of him for you
all i want for payment is his skin
i could use a new hat

[temptationaccomplished]

...I think it's rather more a matter of do YOU think you can fashion something sufficient out of a hanger to handle a bear, Mr. ah...Macguyver, was it?

[saltandpepperbeard]

Not my best, yeah, but, fuck it, you go with what you get.

Jeff, yep--that's my name, don't wear it out. Don't be so overdramatic. Seriously, it looks like it'd prefer your bed than eating you. And if it does look hungry, I don't know, ask the blond with the dragon if her pet likes bear.

[touchofcashmere]

You try being woken by a bear that wants to eat you.

[he doesn't know how it happened, it just happened]

I don't suppose you could bring your dragon over to kill it could you?

[touchofcashmere]

No, Bonnet actually.

I'm ...not sure that I can. Maybe I can poke it in the eye...if I can reach...

[phdmotherfucker]

I don't know if it could be bothered ... and I don't know if you'd still have much of a home left if they fought. Can you sneak past it?