Open log + text

[laminae]

WHO: Fern and open!
WHERE: Around the city, and the network.
WHEN: Early May.
WHAT: Fern's to Kaisou.
WARNINGS: Body horror because Fern is made of grass.

Around the city

[Going from the front lines of a large war to a literal nightmare to the interior of his mental vault has been bad times, enough so that when Fern finally exits his labyrinth he finds being upended in a world that looks distinctly un-post-apocalyptic is actually an improvement to his previous situation. There aren't any jerks who've stolen his identity, and there aren't any bigger jerks who pretended to be family but were only using him, so he's already in a much better place.

It can't last though, and he still has a lot of restless anger he needs to get out, somehow. He needs to start wrecking things, he still feels like complete garbage after all the problems he got yanked away from. But maybe he isn't the only one who showed up here? If that's the case, then all he needs to do is hunt the others down, then he can totally get the jump on Finn or whoever and beat the stuffing out of them until he feels better. Perfect plan!

So he wanders the city aimlessly, looking like a completely normal human boy with a bear hat to citizens who haven't been exposed to the paranormal, and to those who have, looking very much like some kind of horrifying pile of grass in the rough shape of a person. When he sees your character he doesn't hesitate in racing over to them, so good luck with that.]

Hey dude! You seen any giant cake robots around? Or Gumball Guardians?

[Asking about Finn will just send him into a self-loathing rage, and besides, the robots and guardians are a lot bigger and easier to spot.]

Network - text; un: fern

uh ok so i get this is some alternate universe biz
i've been through that before so it's whatevs, nothing new to me
but it's real donked
i've never seen so many humans just walking around like they didn't get totes extinct a thousand years ago or anything
not sure i'm ever gonna get used to this

wait unless this is just more nightmare?
is this some big shared nightmare trash? there's a lot less eyes if this is a nightmare
Globbit this sucks
anyone heard of Gumbaldia? the Candy Kingdom? am i on my own here?

Comments

[laminae]

[He's got a tree, it's fine.

Fern shuts off his phone and proceeds to hang out in the canopy of his tree, waiting for a familiar head of black hair and goggles to show up. For whatever reason he can't do his normal 'submerge entire self into the leaves' grassy thing, so he's hanging out on a tree branch.

Of course, when Varian finally wanders over that isn't stopping him from suddenly jumping down and landing on the ground behind him.]

Hey dude!

[droptheious]

[Varian was expecting Fern to be on the ground like a normal person. So when the grassy boy drops behind him, he leaps in the wair, turning and letting out a panicked little scream- assuming something is attacking him.

And then the thing attacking him calls him dude, and he realises he's not going to die today. Probably. It's still gonna take him a hot second to calm down though, putting a hand to his chest in an effort to calm his racing heart.]

Oh my god, where did you even come from?!!

[laminae]

[Fern snorts and puts his hands on his hips, standing there and waiting for Varian to calm down. Wow, someone isn't good at ambushes.]

You gotta practice being on your guard, dude.

[At the question he points directly upwards.]

I told you, my tree. Hanging out up there's a lot more comfy than being on the ground.

[droptheious]

[He defnitely isn't good at ambushes. ]

I'm sorry, I thought I was meeting you, not getting leapt at from above!!!!

[It's so rude!!!! He looks up as Fern points, and things are starting to...click into place.]

Wait. Waitwaitwait. Are you living in the tree?

[laminae]

[Fern shrugs at that. Gosh Varian, you're thoroughly unprepared.]

Uh, yeah? I'm made of grass and showed up here like two days ago, where else am I gonna live?

[droptheious]

What?!

They give us apartments? [He points in the vague direction of the Zodiac apartment complex.] They're like little inn rooms? You can stay there for free! Didn't you take one?

[laminae]

Nnnnno? [He got out of his labyrinth and wandered off, no Zodiac intrusions at all.] Who's giving you apartments? Whoever's running this joint?

[droptheious]

Zodiac, I don't think they run everything and honestly, they're probably a little sketchy, but also I'm not gonna get a place to live otherwise. It's not like I have money here and a tree isn't really an option for me.

[He would immediately fall out.]

Um- I mean, there are two bedrooms in the place I've got? So...you can come there...y'know. If you want? It's probably better than a tree.

[laminae]

You sure, dude? The trees here are pretty nice.

[He is only half joking.]

Oh! Uh - [Wow, is that ever an offer! Fern just thinks this poor guy really shouldn't be doing this. No one actively wants to live with a sentient pile of grass.] I don't wanna horn in on your privacy or anything. It's ok.

[droptheious]

Yeah, they are, but they're not exactly...safe. Or comfortable.

[It seems like a really poor place to live. The treehouse the Schnitz doesn't count, that's an ACTUAL house in a tree and not just... an actual tree.]

I don't mind, I mean, so long as you don't mind the occasional science experiment, it'll be fine.

[laminae]

Maybe you've just never found the right tree.

[Or maybe he's a normal human who isn't a total barbarian, Fern.]

I'm okay with science. I don't really get it most of the time, but I had a friend back home was a total genius with the stuff. [That isn't really the issue, though.] Are... you sure it'll be fine?

[droptheious]

Uhhhh, I don't think so. I'm not really...great at climbing them anyway. Kinda short for it.

[Maybe it's exactly like that Fern, wow.]

Oh really? That's great! And if you ever wanna learn, I'm happy to teach you. [He LOVES showing people the wonders of science, it's the best time!!]

Of course! I wouldn't offer otherwise. You're... a pretty okay guy, and it's not like you're gonna murder me in my sleep or anything, right?

[laminae]

I'm not that much taller than you, dude. Maybe you just need climbing lessons.

[Clearly that is the answer, and not Varian's noodle limbs and lack of coordination.]

Sure? Maybe we could do a trade or something. [Science and climbing!!!

Ahaha ohhhhhh no. He just pauses very awkwardly.]

Uh, so about that....

[droptheious]

I can climb hair, not trees.

[Because that's totally normal, right? Wow.]

But yeah! A trade sounds good! We can share some skills!

[...He raises an eyebow, that's a ...troubling pause.]

Wait. Aare you telling me you will stab me in the night? Because telling a person you're gonna murder them before you do it never really works the way you think it will. And I thought you liked me!

[laminae]

That - wait, what?

[Okay that's a weird thing to say, even for him. And he starts looking more nervous at this roommate thing, he knows he's a terrible option for a roommate. Varian is being way too optimistic, he should just stay in the tree.]

Not... intentionally? It's just something I do when I'm sleeping. Sometimes. Uh, sleepwalking, but also sleep-stabbing. I also tried to cook once and trashed our kitchen, it wasn't great.

[droptheious]

[He is not going to expand on the hair thing, sorry Fern. ]

OH, you sleepwalk...and extra.

[Well, that's a lot less worrying than he thought it was going to be. He offers a smile.]

That's okay. I keep super odd hours anyway, so if I catch you sleep...activity-ing , I can carefully nudge you back to bed. It'll be fine.

[laminae]

[Fern looks a bit nervous by this admittance. A bit depressed, because yeah, it's a dumb thing most people don't need to worry about.]

Aaand extra. Yep.

[He blinks at Varian's smile, surprised to see that it apparently isn't such a big deal for the other boy.]

Are you serious, dude? Getting possibly stabbed is okay with you?

[droptheious]

[Varian waggles his hand, palm flat, in a so-so motion.]

I'm not thrilled with the concept of being stabbed, but we can figure ways around it! And it's still better than you living by yourself out here in a tree.

[laminae]

Geez. [He doesn't believe this. Someone he barely knows it willing to put himself out there for him.]

I don't - I don't know if there's ways around it. You could get really hurt. I'm really good with a sword.

[droptheious]

[Varian still seems worrying blase about the possibility of being murdered by a sword in the middle of the night.]

There's always a way if you look hard enough. You can't say it's impossible before you've even tried, right?

[laminae]

[This is very worryingly blase!! Even Fern is noticing it.]

Um, no. I guess not. But I'm not sure what'd help, if you tied me down I'd just cut through the restraints....

[droptheious]

[It's fine, it's totally fine. He hums.]

Okay, well. Maybe I can figure out a way to really fortify my door. Or- or figure out a way to wake you up without any...stabbing involved? I can make booby traps, too! I have this really sticky solution that cannot be cut through!

[laminae]

[Fern's eyes widen a little at all of these potential solutions.]

Some of those... don't totally suck.

[What the heck?]

Are you sure I really wouldn't be able to cut through it?

[droptheious]

See? We'll figure something out, it'll be fine!

[He nods, VERY confident in this.]

Nothing cuts through it. I have a friend with a lot of weapons, like a LOT a lot of weapons and none of them ever have managed it.

[laminae]

Huh. [Fern pauses, considering this. If Varian is confident there are options and even maybe solutions for this problem, then he should at least give him a chance. He seems to be really concerned about this.]

Okay, we can give this a try. [He glances down at his hands, his grass rustling a little.] But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

Also, your friend sounds cool.