kaisou | text; un: archangel

[Sudden flashes of Big Floating Jellyfish yammering about "The Enkindlers" - ]

It's not, but... generally it doesn't involve the shape of planets.

Mm. I suppose we can't be picky about what the fanatics decide to believe.

There are those who adamantly argue against basic human health, after all.

[Do not get him started on anti-vax--]

That said, they ARE only fanatics. There is none and never will be a full movement to 'prove what's right'.

Ugh, really? Those anti-gene modders? I mean, I can understand that, but any legitimate doctor won't do anything beyond cosmetic alterations before the kid's born - unless it's gene therapy.

[Oh honey no-]

I think I need several drinks.

[What in the GATTACA is going on here.]

Ah, no. I did not mean eugenics. Those are actually highly taboo and looked down upon in society.

There are a small group of parents that do not vaccinate their children after birth. It is a whole debate that I implore you to never look into. Not even out of mild curiosity.

I am doing this for your own mental well-being.

Does... cosmetic genetic tinkering count as eugenics here? Turning human hair blue or asari skin pigmentation altering. I know gene therapy is mostly used to help chronic conditions improve, at least in Citadel space. You're always going to get people who push it too far, though. I used to work with someone who was entirely designed from the ground up - didn't end well for her designer.

[And, you know, the Evil Clone of his girlfriend.]

I'm sorry what. What the hell is wrong with people?

For cosmetic purposes, it is... quite illegal across the board in most countries, actually.

Even therapeutically it is only used in very strict circumstances.

[Space travel really made people say fuck morals, huh.]

Mm. It is a failing mostly on education.

Huh. Didn't know that. Building a completely designer person definitely is, in Citadel Space. Cloning sentient species is too. But not the rest.

[Yeah it's mostly Cerberus being the absolute worst. And super rich assholes.]

I The more I hear about this, the more I wish I'd never looked into any of these crazy theories.

[Did someone say corrupt rich people? This dog's inner orca is coming out and it's itchin' to sink some yachts, even in space!]

Knowledge is a heavy burden, my friend.

Perhaps it'd be more fun to search the internet for our current space exploits? It might be nostalgic to someone like you to recognize certain celestial bodies.

[Let him introduce you to the Illusive Man sometime, bruh. Corrupt Rich Guy of all time.]

That's actually what got me here. I was looking up the state of space programs here. See how things were going, if they'd got to Mars yet, that kind of thing. I don't know a whole lot about humanity from this time period. Hell, I don't know much in general.

I see. No wonder you ran into the Flat Earth conspiracies.

If reading is an option, maybe a textbook would be a more unbiased source. They you would be free from such..online opinions.

The internet, for better or worse, gives everyone a voice.

Mm, I admit, I didn't think of that. You mean physical books, right? Not downloaded print files? We don't see those a lot, off planets. Most people just read datapads. Yeah, unfortunately, that doesn't get any better as time goes on.

That's no surprise. Even here many take to electronic books over paper ones. I prefer paper myself. Call me old-fashioned, but there's nothing quite like turning the pages yourself.

I could find some for you, or we could go to the library. I haven't been in some time due to the current events, but it would be nice to pick up some books myself.

It's kind of a luxury. One of our crew was a thief - collected rare books on top of her usual targets. You'd see her pop in and out every so often reading one.

[Kasumi hadn't let anyone touch them, though. Shepard had gotten close, but that was it.]

You know, I... don't think anyone's ever asked me to go to a library before. Black hole in the center of the galaxy, sketchy warehouse in the Wards, middle of a radioactive planet full of angry locals... antique store... but never a library. Sure, why not?

I can see how it would be. Paper must be quite hard to come by in outer space. I do not know the resources of your other planets, but trees seem fairly unique. Digital seems more efficient.

[And if that were the case, no wonder why Garrus hasn't been to a library.]

I think you would enjoy it. A wondrous place you can simply lose yourself to reading.

I'll find a time that works for both of us.

Plants like trees aren't too hard to find. But the way Earth's can turn into paper is a little trickier. On my homeworld, almost everything's too tough or armored for that kind of thing. Here's hoping my translator doesn't die on me. It'd definitely be a nice change of pace.

[Wait.]

Do you not know English, Garrus?

[That's fine, but your English-speaking future girlfriend speaks English. Because she's human. In an English dominated society.]

I apologize, I do not mean to sound so surprised. But I thought with your Commander you would.

That's... complicated. I've got a universal translator implant. They're pretty standard issue, but ah. I can't speak it. I've heard it... But you've heard me speak. My voice doesn't work like most organics. None of us can really, physically, speak anything else. We can try, but it's going to sound like crap.

[This is what happens when you have universal translators and wildly different vocal chord arrangements across the galaxy.]

Reading it would be easier than speaking, though, that's for sure.

I can certainly understand. You are at the limitations of your own biology when it comes to speaking it, after all.

But..this is just an offer.

I would not mind helping you learn to read it without a translator. Being reliant on your own skill has its merits in itself, no?

...

And it may impress a certain someone.

That and swimming - my weaknesses.

[Funniest sonofabitch in the galaxy--]

[Wait though hold up. His typing bubble pops up and fades a couple times. Deciding how thirsty he can be here, without it being painfully obvious.]

When can we start?

[Sir that was subtle?]

I could certainly teach you that, as well, but I take it you would have slightly less interest.

[He could mention that it would be incentive for those beach episodes that always randomly show up in RPGs and the like. But. Maybe not yet. He IS a bit taken aback by the speed at which Garrus agreed.

Thirst, indeed.]

I can pencil you in for the weekends, if that works for you.

Much as I'd appreciate it, too, that's... another thing biology uses against me. We sink. Metal in our plating.

[The actual sun and sand parts of beaches is something he's definitely interested in, though. Sit out there like a big lizard.]

Definitely. I ah. Can repay the favor somehow, too.

...I do not mean to sound awkward, but if you can detail out just what that means, it'd be beneficial. It's not a problem, but if you ever have to take an airplane, airport security scans for metal objects on your person.

[In which case, he'll need a list of excuses on why he has metal plating in his body in so many areas.]

I do not require monetary compensation, as I am not lacking.

Perhaps you could...do damage control with the Commander if the need arises. I do not believe she likes me.

That is fine, I have long accepted that I am not everyone's cup of tea. And I do not expect you to defend me. Just to keep her on track if that does become an issue.

They only scan for metals? [That seems like a security hole.] But ah. You've seen me. All that plating I've got basically has amounts of thulium in it. Helps with the thin atmosphere on our homeworld, I'm told.

[Also why so many things on Palaven have armor.]

What, really? Because of the... past lives thing? She'll hold a grudge, sure, but a keeping one over a genuine mistake doesn't seem like her. Shouldn't be a problem, though. She hasn't said anything about it to me, aside from something about "owing" her. Figured that just meant the past lives problem.

They do various other checks, but metal detection is one. They do not allow knives and concealed weapons on the plane, naturally.

As someone with prosthetic legs, I assure you, they are very thorough. It's why I have asked Viktor to refrain from projectiles of any kind in my legs.

[He pauses, trying to think of how to phrase this other than 'instincts and vibes.']

I had gotten the sense after the Crystal Tower incident, when I was offering those Girl Scout cookies. She was requesting a rather large amount for someone of her presumed appetite. I had worried that she was taking advantage of a relief effort to make a profit.

As far as 'owing her' goes, I do not believe I owe her anything.

Naturally. But, yeah. That might be an issue... Not sure about the exact amounts, or if it would show up on a scan. I'm no biologist. But I am paranoid.

[Paranoia he has in spades.]

Projectiles don't have to be metal, necessarily. If you change your mind, further down the road...

[Garrus, no.]

Huh. No, that - doesn't sound like something she'd actually do. Back ... home, for lack of a better word, I know her metabolism was something else, so I'd have figured that was why. Happens a lot with biotics. Er - people who can manipulate dark energy. Not sure if that's happening here, but doesn't seem like it. Didn't think so. Figured it'd be best to pass it on, keep everything on the table.

text; un: archangel

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