text; un: archangel

[thearchangel]

WHO: Garrus & All
WHERE: Libra
WHEN: Early March
WHAT: Internet happened
WARNINGS: n/a


Okay, what the hell is “flat earth theory”?

This isn’t serious. There aren’t actually humans who think their planet is flat. You have space exploration - more or less.

This has to be some kind of joke.



Right?

Comments

[paraselenic]

[Wait.]

Do you not know English, Garrus?

[That's fine, but your English-speaking future girlfriend speaks English. Because she's human. In an English dominated society.]

I apologize, I do not mean to sound so surprised. But I thought with your Commander you would.

[thearchangel]

That's... complicated. I've got a universal translator implant. They're pretty standard issue, but ah.

I can't speak it. I've heard it... But you've heard me speak. My voice doesn't work like most organics. None of us can really, physically, speak anything else. We can try, but it's going to sound like crap.

[This is what happens when you have universal translators and wildly different vocal chord arrangements across the galaxy.]

Reading it would be easier than speaking, though, that's for sure.

[paraselenic]

I can certainly understand. You are at the limitations of your own biology when it comes to speaking it, after all.

But..this is just an offer.

I would not mind helping you learn to read it without a translator. Being reliant on your own skill has its merits in itself, no?

...


And it may impress a certain someone.

[thearchangel]

That and swimming - my weaknesses.

[Funniest sonofabitch in the galaxy--]

[Wait though hold up. His typing bubble pops up and fades a couple times. Deciding how thirsty he can be here, without it being painfully obvious.]



When can we start?

[Sir that was subtle?]

[paraselenic]

I could certainly teach you that, as well, but I take it you would have slightly less interest.

[He could mention that it would be incentive for those beach episodes that always randomly show up in RPGs and the like. But. Maybe not yet. He IS a bit taken aback by the speed at which Garrus agreed.

Thirst, indeed.]

I can pencil you in for the weekends, if that works for you.

[thearchangel]

Much as I'd appreciate it, too, that's... another thing biology uses against me. We sink. Metal in our plating.

[The actual sun and sand parts of beaches is something he's definitely interested in, though. Sit out there like a big lizard.]

Definitely.

I ah. Can repay the favor somehow, too.

[paraselenic]

...I do not mean to sound awkward, but if you can detail out just what that means, it'd be beneficial. It's not a problem, but if you ever have to take an airplane, airport security scans for metal objects on your person.

[In which case, he'll need a list of excuses on why he has metal plating in his body in so many areas.]

I do not require monetary compensation, as I am not lacking.

Perhaps you could...do damage control with the Commander if the need arises. I do not believe she likes me.

That is fine, I have long accepted that I am not everyone's cup of tea. And I do not expect you to defend me. Just to keep her on track if that does become an issue.

[thearchangel]

They only scan for metals? [That seems like a security hole.] But ah. You've seen me. All that plating I've got basically has amounts of thulium in it. Helps with the thin atmosphere on our homeworld, I'm told.

[Also why so many things on Palaven have armor.]

What, really? Because of the... past lives thing? She'll hold a grudge, sure, but a keeping one over a genuine mistake doesn't seem like her.

Shouldn't be a problem, though. She hasn't said anything about it to me, aside from something about "owing" her. Figured that just meant the past lives problem.

[paraselenic]

They do various other checks, but metal detection is one. They do not allow knives and concealed weapons on the plane, naturally.

As someone with prosthetic legs, I assure you, they are very thorough. It's why I have asked Viktor to refrain from projectiles of any kind in my legs.

[He pauses, trying to think of how to phrase this other than 'instincts and vibes.']

I had gotten the sense after the Crystal Tower incident, when I was offering those Girl Scout cookies. She was requesting a rather large amount for someone of her presumed appetite. I had worried that she was taking advantage of a relief effort to make a profit.

As far as 'owing her' goes, I do not believe I owe her anything.

[thearchangel]

Naturally. But, yeah. That might be an issue... Not sure about the exact amounts, or if it would show up on a scan. I'm no biologist. But I am paranoid.

[Paranoia he has in spades.]

Projectiles don't have to be metal, necessarily. If you change your mind, further down the road...

[Garrus, no.]

Huh. No, that - doesn't sound like something she'd actually do. Back ... home, for lack of a better word, I know her metabolism was something else, so I'd have figured that was why. Happens a lot with biotics. Er - people who can manipulate dark energy. Not sure if that's happening here, but doesn't seem like it.

Didn't think so. Figured it'd be best to pass it on, keep everything on the table.

[paraselenic]

Not to worry, I am also someone who would set off those alarms by default, so I will look into it. I want to make sure your time here is as hassle free as possible.


[Lycaon's fingers go to his chin in thought.]

It was about one hundred boxes, and she did offer to pay after I had questioned it, so perhaps I was just being overly cautious. I have dealt with these situations before, which is why I had my suspicions. If I was wrong in my assumptions, I humbly apologize for jumping to conclusions.

[Being in Mockingbird meant he'd had to recognize scammy offers, both in supplies and information. Hugo had been quite thorough in making sure Lycaon could detect that.]

I appreciate it, my friend. I have been known to overthink things--it is unfortunately a symptom of being who I am.

[thearchangel]

What about you? Who's running interference with you and your legs when they do security?

[Is someone distracting the TSA guys for you, Lycaon. How does that work.]

That's

That's a lot of cookies. Damn. Maybe the biotic metabolism came back after all. Regardless, no, reselling for profit isn't something she'd do. I know she's close with her current crew, and a couple civilian families around here. Might be for them.

Don't worry about it. I get the paranoia - suspicion. I've definitely been in the same headspace before.

[paraselenic]

Thankfully, my prosthetics were designed by Zodiac, so there will often be someone who will take me aside to do a basic inspection before letting me pass.

[Having Percy de Rolo and Viktor be his engineers was a boon. They had the Zodiac stamp of approval.

Lycaon pauses, wondering if he should mention Shepard had said 'for personal profit' to him. But...hm. Better to just let those cookies go.]

I see. I feel rather foolish now. My offer was to the people affected on the app, but I suppose I cannot fault her if she were to pass them out to civilians. I do not mind charity work.

I was not always what I am now, so it is but second nature.