UN: ZODIAC | IT'S GONNA BE MAY

[kaisoumods]

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: Libra App
WHEN: May 1st
WHAT: Zodiac Network Post
WARNINGS: None!

[April shifts into May, bringing the first promising signs of summer. The spirit vein's colors change to shades of purple and black to represent the shadow element. Everyone's devices will emit a soothing wind chime sound as a new Zodiac post appears. The chime will sound even if you have your phone turned off or on silent, and will not stop until you read their message and comment to it.]




Mikleo, Moxxie and Neuvillette have left the app.

[The post then continues on.]

Hello and thank you for using the Libra app.

Happy May, everyone! We have had wonderful feedback from Tom Nook- his island regeneration project has come on leaps and bounds to all of your hard work. We heard disturbing rumours about a fantastical lagomorph bothering some app users, but extensive research has shown this was a harmless hiccup experienced by an extremely small number of the population- no need to worry, anyone :)

Our marketing team have been working hard while you have enjoyed your wonderful vacation and we are now excited to bring you our brand new TIER SYSTEM!! Yes! Now you can enjoy even more Zodiac content right here on the Libra app - and you get full control of the content you consume! Our fantastic new tiers are as follows:

- Budget - Free. Your current Libra experience: no perks, non-targeted regular ads. A less personalized experience.
- Standard - $10.99 a month. Targeted ads for personalised shopping experiences. You can upload up to 10 images a month on our brand-new Starscapes images platform.
- Premier - $30.55 a month. Targeted ads. Upload up to 20 images a month on Starscapes. You can use an animated userpic- FUN and exciting!!!
- Exclusive - $50.78 a month. Targeted ads. Unlimited image upload on Starscapes. You can now have a personalised banner on your user page! Let your creativity run wild!
- Superstar - $90.99 a month. Ad free!

That's all for now! We'll leave you off with our icebreaker question.




This post is sponsored by Heckin' Sunbeds! Give yourself a tan hotter than hell!

[Users will have the option to choose their own display names and userpics if they haven't already. If nothing is chosen, the app will use their real name and a quick photo taken of them from their camera's phone.

Like always, there'll be no responses from Zodiac.

OOC Note: If you haven't responded to AC, you still have until 11:59am EST today to do so! Once you do, you'll be removed from this post. ]

Comments

[poisontippedcure]

Five minutes ago.

[And then, after about thirty seconds, Edward will receive a picture of a cocktail.]

Now.

[jackdawvision]

Bloody hell.

[Curse theory is starting to sound more and more plausible.]

Is it really just me? I can't recall a reason why I'd be cursed if that's really what happened here.

[poisontippedcure]

You told a group of Frenchmen that there was no difference between your rum and champagne.

You really don't see a reason?

[jackdawvision]

I told them there was no difference between two-dollar wine from the corner store and champagne. Which isn't false, cheap wine can get you just as drunk as champagne can.

Suppose that could be a reason, but not a one of them could curse anyone, last time I checked.

[poisontippedcure]

Yes, and moldy bread can make you feel full just as easily as a high-end steak can. That doesn’t mean I’m about to put it in my mouth.

Clearly the wine gods have judged you, and found you guilty. If you ask me, the punishment fits the crime.

[jackdawvision]

If you cut off the mold the bread should be fine.

Then the wine gods are a tad late on judging me. They ought to have done it years ago and for much heavier crimes against alcohol than this.

[whiteshroud]

I'm inclined to agree with Rose's theory. Wine's very precious to the gods, and even I can see your disrespect.... and your refusal to repent.

Now you must spend your days knowing nothing but kombucha to quench your thirst. A lamentable fate.

[jackdawvision]

Pirate, remember? I've long since passed the point of repentance.

Oh, how terrible, I'll have to drink bloody expensive tea. Truly an awful fate.

[whiteshroud]

Piracy has nothing to do with your refusal to admit you're wrong about anything.

[jackdawvision]

My holy friend, you sound almost exactly like an old friend of mine. She was just as honest as you are, especially towards me.

I know when I'm wrong. [No he doesn't.] This isn't one of those times. I've done no real wrong this time, and I'll stick to what I've said till I'm sunk.

[whiteshroud]

Then sink.

[jackdawvision]

Just as brutal as she was too.

[...ah, Mary, he does miss you.]

[poisontippedcure]

All that you're doing is proving my point.

Perhaps this is only the beginning. Maybe there are more interesting punishments in store.

[jackdawvision]

They can try. I've managed to get out of worse punishments.

text | un: blackbirdtarot

[drewthetower]

wait he did what

un: pigeon

[cockade]

Told us that there was no difference between champagne and two dollar white wine you can buy from a grocery store.

If you ask me, he deserves every bit of this.

[drewthetower]

oh my aunt would have Words for him.