kaisou | UN: ZODIAC | IT'S GONNA BE MAY

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UN: ZODIAC | IT'S GONNA BE MAY

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: Libra App
WHEN: May 1st
WHAT: Zodiac Network Post
WARNINGS: None!

[April shifts into May, bringing the first promising signs of summer. The spirit vein's colors change to shades of purple and black to represent the shadow element. Everyone's devices will emit a soothing wind chime sound as a new Zodiac post appears. The chime will sound even if you have your phone turned off or on silent, and will not stop until you read their message and comment to it.]

Mikleo

Mikleo, Moxxie and Neuvillette have left the app.

[The post then continues on.]

Hello and thank you for using the Libra app.

Happy May, everyone! We have had wonderful feedback from Tom Nook- his island regeneration project has come on leaps and bounds to all of your hard work. We heard disturbing rumours about a fantastical lagomorph bothering some app users, but extensive research has shown this was a harmless hiccup experienced by an extremely small number of the population- no need to worry, anyone :)

Our marketing team have been working hard while you have enjoyed your wonderful vacation and we are now excited to bring you our brand new TIER SYSTEM!! Yes! Now you can enjoy even more Zodiac content right here on the Libra app - and you get full control of the content you consume! Our fantastic new tiers are as follows:

- Budget - Free. Your current Libra experience: no perks, non-targeted regular ads. A less personalized experience.
- Standard - $10.99 a month. Targeted ads for personalised shopping experiences. You can upload up to 10 images a month on our brand-new Starscapes images platform.
- Premier - $30.55 a month. Targeted ads. Upload up to 20 images a month on Starscapes. You can use an animated userpic- FUN and exciting!!!
- Exclusive - $50.78 a month. Targeted ads. Unlimited image upload on Starscapes. You can now have a personalised banner on your user page! Let your creativity run wild!
- Superstar - $90.99 a month. Ad free!

That's all for now! We'll leave you off with our icebreaker question.

This post is sponsored by Heckin' Sunbeds! Give yourself a tan hotter than hell!

[Users will have the option to choose their own display names and userpics if they haven't already. If nothing is chosen, the app will use their real name and a quick photo taken of them from their camera's phone.

Like always, there'll be no responses from Zodiac.

OOC Note: If you haven't responded to AC, you still have until 11:59am EST today to do so! Once you do, you'll be removed from this post. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

it's so much worse than previously assumed
and what the hell do you mean tax
they charge tax for stuff you can't touch??

Yes must worse.

[Ah]

Taxes are when the government puts extra money on purchases or expects you to pay a yearly fee. I think it goes for roads or something?

Please don't ask me anymore.

huh
huh
look people did shit like that in my world but it was usually extra charges on food or water or safe passage
and i'm just sayin if you pissed enough people off about it they'd either shoot you or tie you up and leave you in the desert
could be a thought

[....]

The weather is nice, so I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that so I have to spend less time in confession this weekend.

what's there to confess? if you can't get people to change by askin nicely what other course of action is there? shouldn't be an asshole if you don't want the consequences that show up when people are upset enough

I mean I'm not going to argue the necessity for it on occasion.

But in my religion, killing is #6 on the top 10 no-no's list. So doing it or encouraging it means I have to bring it up in my weekly confession.

really? huh
the version I got on Noman's Land was a big diatribe about how God and the Angels were gonna ease everyone's suffering by wiping the planet clean so that paradise could grow anew.

i think something got a little lost in translation.

[C H R I S T]

Mm, I think you got the "violent cult leader" translation of scripture.
There's a fair amount of differences.

He ain't too far out honestly. My past afterlife had angels exterminating demons in Hell every year to keep our numbers down because god forbid we fucking exist I guess. Angels are rancid assholes. They literally admitted they did it because they enjoyed it.

well the Angels in this case were a pair of uhh
how the fuck do i even describe Plants
anyway you don't care lets just say on one hand they had a right to be mad and on the other hand the main one behind it was a massive fucking dick who wanted a little genocide as a treat

Like. Flowers? Trees?

Yeah, ours were just assholes. They could've just stayed in Heaven and left us the fuck alone, none of us could get the fuck up there without a portal. But nope. Genocide was the way to go- the main angel was the worst for us too. Fuckin' Adam. Just because he was the first man doesn't mean he's not a douchebag.

Take it this is some bullshit being turned against them, then? Was the other one of the pair not a dick? Because I think we got one angel up there who's not a dick, too. Never met her to confirm though.

no they were like
aliens with hard-to-explain powers that our world used for energy and resources. there was only one place on my world that had flowers and trees.

the main Angel of God was pissed off at how humanity was treating his sisters so he planned on killing everybody and fixing the world up so that it was a garden for him and creatures like him alone. people are assholes, so it makes sense the first person was also an asshole, unfortunately.

the other one of the pair could probably be called an angel in the more... metaphorical, sweet-and-light good marketing sense. he's only sometimes a dick.

i'm married to him so iii might be a little biased but he's never been gungho for killing everyone so. bonus points.

Fan-fuckin'-tastic. When will people learn that razing shit to the ground won't do fuckin' anything to fix the bad shit that happened? People can't learn from anything if you just fuckin' kill 'em.

Yeah, he didn't get that memo. He thought he was the best thing to ever exist when he was just as sad frat boy.

[Who got murdered by a filthy janitor. ]

I know the type. Good, glad at least one of them isn't a completely rancid asshole.

I know angels are violent monsters.

But this isn't quite the same situation.

Probably not. I wasn't paying that much attention. Just saw a chance to bitch about angels and I took it.

Well, I can't blame you for that.

[Because yeah, angels suck]

He's from a universe where far in the future, some of humanity left Earth on spaceships, but ended up crash landing on a desert planet. The living conditions on the desert planet are terrible and everyone struggles to survive. And so someone who doesn't like humans took advantage of their desperation and made a cult with him as a so-called "angel" at the center of their doctrine.

Edited 2024-05-01 21:15 (UTC)

Right? People think they're these cutesy cherub bastards you see in churches and whatever and they're just rancid assholes.

...Well. That's fucked up. Not even Hell does that. Like- making a whole ass cult and then going "welp time to wipe you out". No wonder he's got a bad experience with them. That's some next-level bullshit right there. Jesus.

Mm. That's one of the more unfortunate misunderstandings to arise from people's inability to perceive the supernatural.

[Angels getting a better reputation than they deserve. But Jun knows that's a PR battle he'll never win.]

It's as evil as it gets, yes. So because of that, those from Noman's Land's knowledge of theology is rather different than Earthlings.

[There's a lot he's biting back, mostly about how much that situation angers him. But he'll be good and restrain himself. ]

Tell me about it.

[Husk gets it. No one will believe how shitty angels really are until they're unfortunate enough to meet one.]

Those poor fuckers must have a whole boat-load of problems. Jesus. Just when you think you've heard it as bad as it can be, some other place amps that to a fuckin' million.

[One day Jun can go off!]

(no subject)

whiteshroud - 2024-05-15 02:21 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

wiseoldbartender - 2024-05-16 18:33 (UTC) - Expand

maybe a couple of passages here and there
iunno
maybe i should try reading your book and seeing if anything runs the same

That's one idea, but the text is old and vague enough where just reading it by yourself might not give the full picture. People have debated how to interpret it since it was written.

If you ever want to attend a church service though, you'd be welcomed.

been a while since I attended a sermon or listened to the radio...

ya'll do 'em daily at too early o'clock still?

Monday through Friday at 7:30 AM, if that's what suits your schedule.

Though most people just go on Sunday. There's masses at 8, 9, 10, and noon.

hm

what day would you recommend for sitting ominously in the back while being minimally noticed

Sunday. That's when I go.

The weekday sermons are usually full of school kids and gossipy old people.