[sermon 7] dearly beloved we gather here today to unite these souls in holy mogtrimony

[asipofbride]

WHO: Wolfwood + the cottage crew + you!
WHERE: the network + the cottage
WHEN: after the Fae Olympic fiasco
WHAT: so Wolfwood has a question for anybody more learned than he. which is most people. the religious cult was a bit pared to scope on what they taught. he's also living the fallout in real time and maybe, just maybe, the desert planet doesn't sound so bad?
WARNINGS: n/a at the moment!

how much legal advice can you get for an apple pie and a prayer; network post; text; un: ndwolfwood

so i have a question that i'm asking for a friend.

ya'll know them white flying rat-bear things with the head tumors on a string?

how, uh. how legally binding is marital paperwork if they deliver it to you? asking for a friend.

... the friend is me. they showed up at my door and threw sparkly trash at me and gave me rings and wouldn't leave until i pulled a gun on them and now Dante's not talking to me from where he's laying on the floor and Vash went out the window after them

i dont know how to be married help
don't open the door for those little shits
i can dump water on devils right it won't make them melt or turn into steam

don't even have to go to the chapel you're already married; action

[ this is a two cigarette problem.

Wolfwood has one cigarette in his mouth and another in his hand and he's just sort of staring out of the window if anyone wants to drop by--or if any of the residents of the cottage want to hash out what the White Menace just brought to their doorstep.

Slappy the Popplio is balancing the rings on his nose and having a grand ol' time, all things considered. ]

Comments

text | un: blackbirdtarot

[drewthetower]

holy fucking shit I go from mostly aunts to mostly uncles thanks to some fucking moogles??

[asipofbride]

well fuck that's a new one
hey there junior how's things hangin

[drewthetower]

I'm like your age, tio.

also Easter's at the end of the month, my aunts + mom are gonna wanna meet you guys

[asipofbride]

yeah but dante's ancient so i add his age to mine in terms of seniority
i think? i've never had uhhh. family before

what is Easter
do i have to wear pants and not smoke

[drewthetower]

it's a Christian holiday and my aunts are lapsed Catholics who like excuses to come out for big dinners

ask Jun for more details I'm just there for the ham

but yes pants and if you smoke do it outside

[asipofbride]

i'll ask jun about easter after im done dealing with the crisis of
auggie i dont think he knew me an vash an your uncle were
i dont think he knows?? knew? [ now all of China knows they're gay but like, China is basically Jun they weren't subtle about it mintchip please ]

why do holidays require so many clothes cant people just chill out and get so drunk they can't see

[drewthetower]

eh Jun is where gossip goes to die so he probably just didn't notice

and look normally I wouldn't care but like

these are my aunts. they raised me. they're like my second and third moms

please wear pants

[asipofbride]

how is he
how is he him and he's denser than Fritter's ass after a bag of peanutbutter cups? how does that add up? make the math make sense

i will wear pants in front of your aunts i promise
especially for ham
fuck, kni's vegetarian, is there Easter food that doesn't have meat

[drewthetower]

he just doesn't care!

and there can be yeah if we know to make some

how is he about impossible meat?

[asipofbride]

i wanna live life that blessedly unbothered but nooo i've done this to myself again

impossible meat is fine
truth be told he doesn't like eating so just having a small thing for him to nibble on or drink will tide him over

[drewthetower]

rifp

and we can do that yeah. is it a Plant thing?

[asipofbride]

im bequeathing them to you when i exit this mortal plain in approximately fifteen minutes im praying to god for the first time in years and hoping for a smiting

and yeah actually
Vash is the weird one since Plants just kinda siphon energy off of their Gates but Vash needs to eat and can't get to the power without help

[drewthetower]

huh

honestly "Vash needing to eat so he doesn't take something without giving it back" scans though

[asipofbride]

as usual, god disappoints
asshole
i'm still here

ha
that really is just like him, huh
never thought about it from that perspective
it supposedly makes him an inferior Plant but I think he's all right

[drewthetower]

I mean

you're married

I hope he's "alright"

[asipofbride]

look you can't praise him too much or in the soup in his skull gets ideas above it's station and that's how he comes up with Ideas and i am but one man

[drewthetower]

one man with back up in Dante

[asipofbride]

you think i'm not juggling Dante and his Ideas in my other hand? there is no backup, there's only two assholes in red coats doing their thing while I try to keep on the ride

[drewthetower]

so do you know what a rosary is

you might need one

[asipofbride]

of course i do
threw the one they gave me into the first sand dune i walked past
the hell's it gonna do for this situation

[drewthetower]

prayer

a lot of prayer

Marianne's mom did it a lot when her husband was causing problems

[advivo]

auggie no
i don't do family gatherings

private

[drewthetower]

like at all or would a five minute cameo be fine?

if it helps Marianne knows Vergil and loves to harass him, so they're at least cool

private

[advivo]

[ he has to squint for a second because why private?? but then realization hits. ]

for you i can try and do a five minute cameo

[drewthetower]

[He didn't want to put his uncle on blast!]

thanks D

and then you will never have to make another cameo