kaisou | [sermon 7] dearly beloved we gather here today to unite these souls in holy mogtrimony

WHO: Wolfwood + the cottage crew + you!
WHERE: the network + the cottage
WHEN: after the Fae Olympic fiasco
WHAT: so Wolfwood has a question for anybody more learned than he. which is most people. the religious cult was a bit pared to scope on what they taught. he's also living the fallout in real time and maybe, just maybe, the desert planet doesn't sound so bad?
WARNINGS: n/a at the moment!

how much legal advice can you get for an apple pie and a prayer; network post; text; un: ndwolfwood

so i have a question that i'm asking for a friend.

ya'll know them white flying rat-bear things with the head tumors on a string?

how, uh. how legally binding is marital paperwork if they deliver it to you? asking for a friend.

... the friend is me. they showed up at my door and threw sparkly trash at me and gave me rings and wouldn't leave until i pulled a gun on them and now Dante's not talking to me from where he's laying on the floor and Vash went out the window after them

i dont know how to be married help
don't open the door for those little shits
i can dump water on devils right it won't make them melt or turn into steam

don't even have to go to the chapel you're already married; action

[ this is a two cigarette problem.

Wolfwood has one cigarette in his mouth and another in his hand and he's just sort of staring out of the window if anyone wants to drop by--or if any of the residents of the cottage want to hash out what the White Menace just brought to their doorstep.

Slappy the Popplio is balancing the rings on his nose and having a grand ol' time, all things considered. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Yeah you know, Zulius is just gonna teleport right the fuck here. This is an EMERGENCY and needs to be treated as such. So here he comes, not there one minute, there the next.]

HOLY FUCK, NICK!!! You guys did it TOO?!! [Oh is he...mad? He looks pretty mad actually.] Why are my friends getting married by those weird little rat bears instead of having an actual flunking wedding?!! I'm SO GOOD at parties and you guys are killing me here. You're literally killing me.

[ hopefully he arrives in a shower of sparklies and glitter. he can add to the mess that's already on the floor.

Wolfwood blinks up at Zulius rather politely, bringing his second cigarette up to his mouth as he takes a drag off of both of them at the same time. ] I would like to state that I did not do anything. It was done to me. I'd have loved to have-- [ a pause.

two cigarettes one inhale again. ]

... I don't know what goes into getting married. I never thought I'd make it that far.

[Naturally, Zulius brings the glitter and sparkle wherever he goes. It's his AESTHETIC. He does stop in what promises to be more gay ranting to look at Wolfwood softly. ]

OH! Wait, you wanted that? Awwww!!! Honey, that's so sweet!

[And back to the ranting.]

So who was the idiot who bought the rings even AFTER Elliot warned everyone about- was it Vash?

... I wanted a lot of things. [ what if he contemplates a third cigarette, tapping the pack on his knee. ] Being a normal person was a fever dream, or an impossible joke, you know?

[ and thankfully the gay ranting is there to keep it from getting too touchy-feely ]

I don't think anybody bought rings. The moogles just... showed up. The shopkeeper has it out for me, though--I won't be surprised if some shitty postcard with 'STARS' written on it turns up tomorrow.

[Wolfwood, honey, think of your lungs!]

Hey now! Who wants to be normal when you can be amazing, which you ARE, FYI. Don't make me fight you on this one because I totes will and I'll win.

[He's not afraid to start shit!!!!]

Oh yeah, I hate that guy. He keeps giving me cats. I've got THREE of them now because of him and they all hate me. And yeah, no, there's like...no take backies buuuuut.

[And here, his expression softens a little, just a gentle smile.]

Would you really want to?

I mean--normal ain't that bad, you know? When you start off an orphan, when you're fucked up on chemicals and killin' in the name of someone else's grudge against humankind, normal feels... amazing.

[ he doesn't want to fight. he wants to look contemplative and tap the ash from his cigarettes and commiserate about that goddamn goodwill merchant. ]

Wait, he's the one that cursed you with the turkey that won't die? [ and then Zulius wants to make it personal and Wolfwood could squirm out of his skin instead. would that be so bad? ]

I mean. It doesn't sound like it'd be terrible, if Vash and Dante don't explode from the stress of... sayin' words outloud.

[Zulius raises his hands in surrdner.]

Okay, okay, when you put it like that, that's fair. But being married is normal too, you know? It's totally a normal thing that people can do. Okay, sure not from being married byt those... weird whatever, but STILL!

[He nods. Yes, that is where the turkey that won't die came from. The terrible, awful creature that haunts his beloved theatre and home. ]

Welllll, this seems the perfect opportunity for you guys to, like, sit down and talk about your feelings on that, right? Cards on the table!

[ vash is making his way back, looking disheveled and maybe with a few feathers still poking out of his coat from where he frantically flew after the moogles to no avail... ]

I wanted a party.

I want a party.

[Oh honey, look at the state of you. Zulius heaves out a DRAMATIC sigh.]

Well, I GUESS you can still HAVE a party! But still you guyyyyyys, we could have had the biggest, gayest wedding.

[ he's gonna come over and just flop completely over onto zulius, big gangly dramatic baby that he is. head on the top of zulius'. flop. ]

If there's no making these dumb flying rats take their dumb contract back.

Making 'the most of it' is the best idea right...

...

Wanna help me plan it. [ whine. ]

[That's fine, Bestie, you flop. Zulius has to shift his legs a bit to take the sudden gangly weight, but he does it without complaint, instead reaching up to pat him gently on the back.]

I mean, honey. Do you really wanna? You love them, right? Isn't this where you'd end up eventually anyway?

[And then, because Vash has said the magic words in the right combination:]

Vash, Honey, Sweetie, Bestie, I would pitch the biggest hissy fit in all creation if I couldn't help you plan it.

[sermon 7] dearly beloved we gather here today to unite these souls in holy mogtrimony

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