Video: un: bar_cat75

[wiseoldbartender]

WHO: Husk and you!
WHERE: Network!
WHEN: 17th Feb
WHAT: Arrival of a terrible cat man.
WARNINGS: Swearing, probably alcohol.

[The feed opens to a winged cat man. You might be forgiven for a moment for thinking that you've been graced with the presence of an ancient mythological creature, like a Sphinx or a Griffon or somesuch- here to pass great wisdom onto you all. He squints at the screen for a moment, and then in a deep, gruff voice, he speaks his truth:]

Jesus. H. Christ, you people are a fuckin' garbage fire.

[Prove him wrong. Right now. Do it.]

I mean, shit. Everyone said you motherfuckers were messed up- but I didn't realise it was this fuckin' bad. Congrats, I think you could give Florida a run for its money.

[He shifts a clawed hand in the most half-assed wave he can muster. The little kitty paw beans of his hands are heart-shaped. Adorable. ]

Name's Husk. With The Order. Not a jobsworth like that heinous bitch who's name starts with T and ends in eresa. So here's the deal: if you leave me the fuck alone, I can leave you the fuck alone and we can all enjoy being left the fuck alone. Sound good? Good.

Comments

voice | un: kissmyash

[switchaxe]

Hey, can we keep you and send the bitch back?

[wiseoldbartender]

Doesn't look like I've got much of a choice either fuckin' way. Unfortunately, we're probably stuck with her too. Sucks to be us.

[switchaxe]

At least you'll get along with people here. Sorta. More than she does.

video; un: blade

[unreachableside]

[Blade's eyebrows rise, but then his face splits into a fangish grin.]

You. You're funny.

[please don't sound so threatening blade]

I vote that they keep you and make the other one disappear.

[wiseoldbartender]

[Husk does not smile back. Drly:]

You should see my comedy revue. Every Thursday night. Fuckin' laugh riot every week.

[Why you gotta be like this, Blade. ]

If you people are desperate enough to wanna keep me around, you're more screwed up than I thought. You fuckers masochistic or something?

[unreachableside]

I'm sure.

[He's so charmed. What we have here is a classic dog and cat meeting.]

My masochistic tendencies ultimately landed me in the Black Order under probation, with the alternative being murder charges. [Yeah, he's that guy.] I'm Blade.

video | UN: Arachne

[adtendo]

Garbage fire? Come now, isn’t that a little harsh? I always thought this place was more quaint than anything.

[She smiles.]

Name’s Kafka. Looking forward to working together.

[wiseoldbartender]

I call 'em as I see 'em. Quaint is what you call some cottagecore bullshit- not whatever the eldritch hell this city is.

[Husk does not smile. There are no smiles. He looks about as done with everything as a person could possibly be.]

Whatever you say. You new? I'm guessing you're new.

video | un: laluna

[crisantemo]

Husk?

[ All of what Husk says is completely ignored as Lapis takes in the figure on the screen. It's him, it's actually him, and she is left blinking at the screen as relief (it's really the old man) and concern (why here, why now) rush through her.

But he's here now, and so she takes a deep breath and continues the loving reunion with; ]

After all that grumbling about not wanting to be transferred here, now you turn up and don't even tell me? Seriously, old man?

[wiseoldbartender]

[He's genuinely glad to see her. He's pissed as all get out he's been dragged into this shitshow, but at least Lapis is here and that makes this entire ordeal considerably more bearable.

Not that he's going to TELL her that, of course. Instead, he waves his arms about dramatically.]

Give me a fuckin' break, they did it last minute! I've been fuckin' travelling. [And drinking, trying to deal with the encroaching DREAD of what he's being sent into.] I just got here, Christ!

[That out of the way:]

Where the fuck you at? This city is a goddamn maze.

video; un: theprofessional

[sg09r]

Hey, Husk. Yeah, it's been a weird couple of months even by our standards, I don't think any report could've summed it up well enough.

[They didn't even try.]

But hey, at least you didn't come in at a worse time.

[wiseoldbartender]

The whole fuckin' being sucked into the spirit realm report definitely didn't. I've just spent the last couple hours on a bus reading that bullshit. The fuck even was that?

[He doesn't blame them. He'd half-ass this with a simple "shit's fucked" in all honesty. ]

Don't be so sure about that one. Higher-ups are freaking out.

voice; un: fortuneclovers

[medicgunner]

[You know shit's fucked when Husk is an improvement. Eunie was still laying low, but she'll take this guy she had to scrape out of the fucking gutter over another zealot any day.

So hey, remember this judgmental Northern English bird? Now you do.]

If this lot's a garbage fire it means you'll fit right in, old man.

1/3

[wiseoldbartender]

[We've done it, Team! We've hit the bottom of the barrel! He flips her off- affectionately.]

Go fuck yourself, Wings. I didn't-

2/3

[wiseoldbartender]

[No. Wait. ]

...Where the FUCK have you been?

[No.

She didn't go anywhere, did she? She was stationed here last. She's still here. Why didn't he... remember that? ]

3/3

[wiseoldbartender]

...What in the name of sweet zombie Jesus is going on?

[He can't really articulate this in a way that makes sense to his suddenly confused memory so he's just gonna try again:]

No seriously, where the fuck WERE you?

PRIVATE; voice; un: freelancer;

[lapislazily]

[Zhongli chews every word, as he always has.]

Ah, it's been some time, Mr. Agapov. I hope you're well. Please excuse the secrecy, but I would rather that the uncontrollable zealot running loose wasn't aware of my return.

PRIVATE

[wiseoldbartender]

[At least Eunie took the worst of the blow for him. Which is probably for the best, because Husk lets out a rankled little cat sound at the back of his throat. This fucking guy. ]

You too, Jesus christ on a unicycle, you too?

[He isn't drunk enough for this. He needs to be at least twice as drunk as he is already to deal with this. His memories come back, slotting into place like they'd never been gone before. How the hell are you supposed to handle suddenly learning you had GAPS there? Hell if he knows. ]

It's fine, I get it. Congrats on finding a back door- there's no way in hell they'd ever let you go otherwise. [Zhongli's been there since day one. Zhongli's been there since Husk was a kid. Zhongli is a goddamn eternal presence in the Order and it's buck-wild to realise he managed to make all of that go away. ] You still got the worst tea order in the history of the fuckin' universe?

[God he hated that. It's rattling in the back of his head now like a goddamn SPECTRE. ]

voice; un: tsubaki

[kanka]

[Oh, now this is a surprise. He hasn’t seen Husk in a long while. And honestly, at this point, he’d rather take Husk over Teresa.]

Ah, hello Husk-san. I wasn’t expecting to see you in Kaisou. I hope your travel was decent, at least.

[wiseoldbartender]

[It's a sign of the worst of times honestly that Husk is a preferable option to literally anyone. This is where they're at now and it's a goddamn tragedy. ]

Hey, Fido. [Yup. Still Fido. Always Fido. Forever Fido. ] It was dogshit, being crammed on a Greyhound bus for hours with the freaks and weirdos you always get on a Greyhound. But I guess I'm here now, which doesn't feel like an improvement.

un: ecraig | video

[fiddlestick]

[Well. He's definitely different than Teresa alright. That's something Though that bar was extremely low. ]

...Yeah okay, I'll keep that in mind.

I'm Elliot, one of the newer Order members. I'm the team healer, so if you ever need it...

[wiseoldbartender]

[The bar is in hell. Husk is collapsed next to the bar and somehow he is still better than Teresa. This is where they're at.]

You're the one that joined of your own free will for some fuckin' insane reason, right? [He's had hours on a Greyhound bus to read through reams of paperwork on the group here- but that one really stood out. ] Noted- from what I know about this place it sounds like you've got your work cut out for you here.

video: un: arise.

[lowestclass]

Hey, now.
Don't lump us in with Florida, sangsa.

Also I'm impressed they sent you here too.
Mm, to welcome you to the city... I have a few bottles of rice wine I got for Christmas, but it turns out my body treats booze like poison, lately, and detoxes me immediately.

[ Peace offering... ? ]

1/2

[wiseoldbartender]

[THE BOY]

2/2

[wiseoldbartender]

I don't know, throw in a Daniel and I'm pretty sure we've fuckin' hit Florida levels here. Dunno if impressed is the word you're looking for.

[Lapis has waxed about Jinwoo so goddamn much. He's heard more than he ever wanted to know, and he's aware his Daughter Thing is very attached to this little nerd. Husk doesn't know if it's better or worse that he already knew the guy beforehand. His tail flicks idly- torn between not actually hating Jinwoos company and the very feline desire to bite the shit out of the guy who's inserted himself in Lapis' life.

Luckily, Jinwoo has a peace offering and that helps swing it the former way. For now. ]

That sounds like a legitimate fuckin' horror show. If you're offering, I'll take 'em. I ain't fussy.