kaisou | Video: un: bar

WHO: Husk and you!
WHERE: Network!
WHEN: 17th Feb
WHAT: Arrival of a terrible cat man.
WARNINGS: Swearing, probably alcohol.

[The feed opens to a winged cat man. You might be forgiven for a moment for thinking that you've been graced with the presence of an ancient mythological creature, like a Sphinx or a Griffon or somesuch- here to pass great wisdom onto you all. He squints at the screen for a moment, and then in a deep, gruff voice, he speaks his truth:]

Jesus. H. Christ, you people are a fuckin' garbage fire.

[Prove him wrong. Right now. Do it.]

I mean, shit. Everyone said you motherfuckers were messed up- but I didn't realise it was this fuckin' bad. Congrats, I think you could give Florida a run for its money.

[He shifts a clawed hand in the most half-assed wave he can muster. The little kitty paw beans of his hands are heart-shaped. Adorable. ]

Name's Husk. With The Order. Not a jobsworth like that heinous bitch who's name starts with T and ends in eresa. So here's the deal: if you leave me the fuck alone, I can leave you the fuck alone and we can all enjoy being left the fuck alone. Sound good? Good.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey, can we keep you and send the bitch back?

Doesn't look like I've got much of a choice either fuckin' way. Unfortunately, we're probably stuck with her too. Sucks to be us.

At least you'll get along with people here. Sorta. More than she does.

[Blade's eyebrows rise, but then his face splits into a fangish grin.]

You. You're funny.

[please don't sound so threatening blade]

I vote that they keep you and make the other one disappear.

Garbage fire? Come now, isn’t that a little harsh? I always thought this place was more quaint than anything.

[She smiles.]

Name’s Kafka. Looking forward to working together.

A motherfucking dead cockroach would get along with people more than Teresa does- it's not a fuckin' stretch. But no, I ain't here to be chummy. I don't want anything to do with you weirdos.

Yeaaah that's gonna last maybe a week.

[Husk does not smile back. Drly:]

You should see my comedy revue. Every Thursday night. Fuckin' laugh riot every week.

[Why you gotta be like this, Blade. ]

If you people are desperate enough to wanna keep me around, you're more screwed up than I thought. You fuckers masochistic or something?

I call 'em as I see 'em. Quaint is what you call some cottagecore bullshit- not whatever the eldritch hell this city is.

[Husk does not smile. There are no smiles. He looks about as done with everything as a person could possibly be.]

Whatever you say. You new? I'm guessing you're new.

I'm allergic to people. Brings me out in hives. I'm keeping away from you for my own health.

I'm sure.

[He's so charmed. What we have here is a classic dog and cat meeting.]

My masochistic tendencies ultimately landed me in the Black Order under probation, with the alternative being murder charges. [Yeah, he's that guy.] I'm Blade.

Yes. I’m from out of town.

[Kafka winks. What does it mean?]

The city has its problems, but I’ve been to places that are much worse. This place is tame by comparison.

[This is exactly what we have going on here. Husk's apathetic, tried expression has a flicker of surprise in it. ]

...Holy shit, that's you? You caused a hell of a mess. I'd say you made the right choice, but honestly, it's probably 50/50 on how fucked you are.

[As if they're talking about the weather and not his uncertain future:]

I'm probably fucked either way, but at least I can keep working like this.

I'm a craftsman. I can't exactly build things if I'm committed. And if I can't use my hands, I'd rather die.

So. Here I am. If you need weapons, armor, or anything else, ask me before you go spending your money.

[What does that even mean? He grimaces for a moment, then decides that no, no actually he's not gonna get involved in this. He needs to keep reminding himself: not his circus, not his monkeys. ]

I don't know, getting literally fuckin' sucked into the spirit realm and getting fucked by demons sounds like a pretty big problem. Hard to top that.

Husk?

[ All of what Husk says is completely ignored as Lapis takes in the figure on the screen. It's him, it's actually him, and she is left blinking at the screen as relief (it's really the old man) and concern (why here, why now) rush through her.

But he's here now, and so she takes a deep breath and continues the loving reunion with; ]

After all that grumbling about not wanting to be transferred here, now you turn up and don't even tell me? Seriously, old man?

[It's just a regular day talking about the consequences of the demon in your head breaking you and making you murder people on a live stream. ]

Lesser of two evils, then, I guess.

[Husk understands having a pull that can't be denied, after all. His pulls are considerably unhealthy and not in the least bit constructive, but still. He snorts in light amusement. ]

I spend my money on more self-destructive shit than any of that, usually, but noted. [He considers for a moment, before exhaling roughly- fiiiiine. He pulls out a playing card from his pocket, raising it up to the screen for Blade to see. ] Normally, I get these in fuckin' back alleys and whatever, but you any good with anything like this? They ain't exactly normal weapons. [He'll huck the card at the nearby wall- it slams in, digging into the surface of the wall like it was a throwing knife. Like a totally normal playing card. They all do that, right? ] Fuckers can be tricky to get replacements for.

Exactly.

[Something glimmers in Blade's eyes when Husk pulls out that card. He leans in, obviously interested, and watches the demonstration raptly.]

Hmm. I've never made anything quite that thin before. It needs to cut like a knife but be flexible like a card. Is that correct? [That's not a no.] When I return to the forge in a couple of weeks, I'll draft something up.

I look forward to the challenge.

Hey, Husk. Yeah, it's been a weird couple of months even by our standards, I don't think any report could've summed it up well enough.

[They didn't even try.]

But hey, at least you didn't come in at a worse time.

[He's genuinely glad to see her. He's pissed as all get out he's been dragged into this shitshow, but at least Lapis is here and that makes this entire ordeal considerably more bearable.

Not that he's going to TELL her that, of course. Instead, he waves his arms about dramatically.]

Give me a fuckin' break, they did it last minute! I've been fuckin' travelling. [And drinking, trying to deal with the encroaching DREAD of what he's being sent into.] I just got here, Christ!

[That out of the way:]

Where the fuck you at? This city is a goddamn maze.

[You know shit's fucked when Husk is an improvement. Eunie was still laying low, but she'll take this guy she had to scrape out of the fucking gutter over another zealot any day.

So hey, remember this judgmental Northern English bird? Now you do.]

If this lot's a garbage fire it means you'll fit right in, old man.

The whole fuckin' being sucked into the spirit realm report definitely didn't. I've just spent the last couple hours on a bus reading that bullshit. The fuck even was that?

[He doesn't blame them. He'd half-ass this with a simple "shit's fucked" in all honesty. ]

Don't be so sure about that one. Higher-ups are freaking out.

[We've done it, Team! We've hit the bottom of the barrel! He flips her off- affectionately.]

Go fuck yourself, Wings. I didn't-

[No. Wait. ]

...Where the FUCK have you been?

[No.

She didn't go anywhere, did she? She was stationed here last. She's still here. Why didn't he... remember that? ]

...What in the name of sweet zombie Jesus is going on?

[He can't really articulate this in a way that makes sense to his suddenly confused memory so he's just gonna try again:]

No seriously, where the fuck WERE you?

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