[Network Post] March into March!

[kaisoumods]

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: Libra App
WHEN: March 1st
WHAT: Zodiac Network Post
WARNINGS: None!

[Wherever you are, your phone will start to ring and vibrate. It doesn’t matter if your phone was off or on mute - it will ring anyway. Checking the phone, you'll see the Libra app has opened itself and will not close until you read and response to a new post from Zodiac]

Hello! Thank you for using the Libra App!

Just a few quick words today! First of all, we'd like to extend a congratulations to Horse! While Zodiac is looking into ways to return everyone to their homes, Horse took the initiative and found a way on her own! She truly showed that a can-do attitude truly is all you need to overcome barriers! We're proud of you, Horse, you're an inspiration to all of us, and we wish you the best wherever you may be.

But for the rest of you, don't worry! Zodiac is still here to monitor the situation and support you where it's needed. As we mentioned before, everyone on this app is experiencing unusual spirit readings. We've also found that this may cause some side effects such as a change in hair or eye color, new unusual body parts, new abilities and minor memory problems. So far there's no indication that these side effects are serious, so try not to worry about it! We promise to continue to keep you informed, as Zodiac values good and open communication.

Also, thank you for all your specimen donations last month! They will help in our understanding of how to utilize the Spirit Realm for the benefit of humanity.

Now, let's end things off with an icebreaker question!


This post has been sponsored by Mayfield Cafe! Come for the Sea-Salt Ice Cream, Stay for the Hedgehog Croquet!

[Users will have the option to choose their own display names and userpics if they haven't already. If nothing is chosen, the app will use their real name and a quick photo taken of them from their camera's phone. Like always, there'll be no responses from Zodiac]

Comments

[drewthetower]

excuse you I still participate in society and have only one bird! and whatever Helena is

[whiteshroud]

You gave your bird a knife August.

[drewthetower]

no he TOOK the knife and I just didn't TAKE IT AWAY because I was not going toe-to-beak with an armed Julian

[whiteshroud]

Scared he'd kick your ass?

[drewthetower]

I am an out of shape nerd

he is a corvid with a weapon

I am not a moron

[whiteshroud]

But August

How is he supposed to get better at knife fighting if you don't challenge him?

[drewthetower]

fighting the swans

I'm not joking he actually tried to fight the swans and the geese

[whiteshroud]

Damn Julian.

Was it a fair fight? Did you give them swans knives?

[drewthetower]

swans don't need knives!! they're swans!!

[whiteshroud]

Do you think Julian couldn't handle swans with knives?

Are you doubting his knife fighting skills?

[drewthetower]

no one can handle swans with knives

also we would have probably been sued if we armed them

[whiteshroud]

Ok but hear me out:

What if I want to see a bird knife fight?

[drewthetower]

I think we call that cockfighting Jun

[whiteshroud]

They don't have knives in cockfighting!

And it's illegal.

[drewthetower]

that's my point!

[whiteshroud]

So we do it where cops can't find it!

[drewthetower]

NO????

what the fuck Jun

[whiteshroud]

I'm just making sure Julian gets to live his dream of being a knife fighter.

[drewthetower]

why are you like this

[whiteshroud]

You keep asking and yet you're no closer to finding an answer.

[drewthetower]

well the cards ain't telling me shit

gimme your birth date and shit I'm calling an astrology friend

[whiteshroud]

Really? You're going to resort of horoscopes?

Fine. It's probably December 24th. I don't know the time.

[drewthetower]

I am running out of options

wait

wait wait wait

your birthday is Christmas Eve?!

[whiteshroud]

Yes?

[drewthetower]

what the hell why didn't you say something

how do you feel about very late birthday presents