[sermon one] black thoughts they come like a gun on the hip

[asipofbride]

WHO: nico, vash the pain in his neck, and you?
WHERE: nico's labyrinth and immediately after
WHEN: forward-dated to 4/15
WHAT: sometimes you're minding your business in the wake of the end of the world when a fresh crock of bullshit decides you're not allowed to leave the ride just yet.
WARNINGS: cw: blood, possible talk of human experimentation

i. inside a nightmare

[If Nicholas had been less of a realist, he might've called the situation unfair. hell, most people would've called fate or whatever greater cosmic force they might've believed in a huge jerk for taking them to the edge of the end of the world, only to avert said end of the world (except not, to the tune of a few hundred thousand people), leaving the (un?) fortunate souls to figure out what came next in wake of the shiny new hole in the planet, but wolfwood knows he's a bad person, so it's passe to complain.

Still. Tt's kind of a dick move to send a gaping black nightmare asshole to swallow him for the second time in his short life. Almost makes a guy long to be worm chow again. Worms are meat; sensible, shreddable meat, but black void assholery (shot through with horrid purple flowers and black, suffocating vines--) is just a whole new level outside the Punisher's pay grade. Not that he knows if he's got a paygrade these days, considering everything--

Still. There's nothing to do but get over it and get on with it when he wakes up again, shouldering his gun as his senses come back to him, throbbing but focusing in with a practiced quickness as he takes stock of where he is and finds himself--

Home.

He would know the sight of Hopeland Orphanage anywhere, and his gut twists to be in the one place he's missed more than anywhere, and the last place he deserves to be after everything that's happened. He doesn't think of Livio as he runs a hand over one of the large beds that tje children huddled in together, a sudden thought coming to him that for all it looked like Hopeland, it didn't smell, didnt *sound* like Hopeland, the busy orphanage eerily silent where the sounds of children should've echoed and prevailed.

Unease settled on his back. Wolfwood adjusted his hold on the straps of the Cross Punisher and made his way for the door--

Only to be greeted with the smell of blood and antiseptic, machines buzzing and beeping, whirring as they monitored god only knew what. A familiar table with heavy restraints laid nestled amongst the equipment, and Nicholas fought the briefest flickers of a number of emotions he'd snuffed out like so many cigarettes a long timr ago, dragging his eyes away from the table and to rhe next door, putting a little power into his walk because the Punisher didn't run.]

ii. outside in a different nightmare

[voice]

[the recording cuts in to the middle of two people arguing; people familiar with Vash will probably recognize his big yap anywhere, but the other voice is super mysterious!!]

--last time, I ain't gonna introduce myself to a bunch of strange weirdos. That's dumb.

[A gasp of outrage, theatric, from Vash.]

--They're not a bunch of weirdos! They're my friends! At least, most of them. Ones I haven't met yet, too.

[A heavy, put upon sigh from not-Vash.]

That doesn't inspire much confidence considering you call people actively shooting at you friends, Blondie.

Listen, that's different, people don't shoot at me here at all, so just. How hard is it to say, Hey, I'm new in town, nice t'meetcha, name's Nicholas D. Wolfwood, priest extraordinare!

For the last time, I'm an undertaker, not a priest, and that's still dumb. I don't need a bunch of people to know me. I just need a place where I can get some smokes because I don't have enough on me to deal with whatever tomasshit is going on right now.

Well, then you could just do that! There are plenty of people who use the--oh, wait, the light's on.

[Uh--fumble fumble? Somebody didn't read the instruction booklet. Unconfirmed whether someone can read, actually.]

Huh? What's that mean?

It's already recording over the network. I must have hit the button when I tried to take your phone.

[The long-suffering noise is sharp and swift.]

You dumb--Needlenoggin! I'll show you hit the button-- [a thud, and the immediate sounds of Vash whining like a dog you just stepped on.]

Turn it off!

Comments

Video; un: Libra

[monklookslikealady]

Ah, so is this that 'horrible priest' you told me about before?

text;

[asipofbride]

of course I'm a horrible priest, I'm an UNDERTAKER. apparently Blondie knocked his last two brain cells for a loop with his last fall.

anyway who the hell are you to call me horrible

[in the background, not here]

[doubledollar]

[ oh god libra just out and quoted him and now he's sweating bullets help, why, ]

[monklookslikealady]

Well, that does explain a lot. Vash called you a priest, but an Undertaker is a totally different path.

My name is Libra. And I'm as close as you get to a priest in my world.

anonymous || text forever, basically

[blackhand]

I see he's up to his usual.

[Meaning Vash, but it's really not that hard to tell.]

Another dragged into the city, looks like. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by this.

text

[asipofbride]

you can't teach an old idiot new tricks

[emphasis on old because vash qualifies for like the ultra platinum senior discount at the megaplex]

so the black sky asshole just happens to people and they end up here? why

[blackhand]

And you can't teach a new one anything old, they get too stupid over it.

[Look at that, they agree on something: People are stupid.]

No one knows. Pretty sure not even the people who give you these things know. I haven't seen much that says they know a way to send anyone back either.

i. inside the nightmare

[doubledollar]

[ he should be home resting. it's likely that if one of his friends in the city knew he was out doing his usual--patrolling around for new openings in reality, a constant worry that someone's stuck inside a labyrinth and unable to come out--he'd get told off by at least one of them. maybe two.

but here he was anyway. long red coat and hair immaculately preened despite the fact that he's currently missing an arm just past the elbow, he's inside the new pitch-black void and standing inside a place that... somehow feels familiar.
He's not been here before, and yet, peering out the windows, the darkness out there...
It was familiar.

He feels an ache in his chest as he starts to run--unlike a priest, he isn't afraid to do more than powerwalk in a place that seemed uncomfortable.

Time to find the soul who was trapped inside, and get the hell out. But first, look around to make sure there aren't any dangers. ]

[asipofbride]

[he should be home resting, but since when did Vash the Stumpede let a little thing like the mortal frailty of his body stop him from taking the stupidest and most altruistic choice?

Where Vash runs into danger, Wolfwood continues to determinedly walk away from it--hes good at that, always has been. He pushes his sunglasses up as if the slight darkening effect will do anything against Hopeland's cheerily bright halls, or against the unnatural, incessant glow of the machinery. He tries to keep his eyes forward, even when the landscape begins to warp, begins to... change in a way that drags cold tendrils of dread down Wolfwood's genetically altered spine.

He doesn't look too closely when the machines begin to merge with the familiar shapes of the orphanage, trays of medical instruments and mysterious syringes splayed out next to beds encased in restraints and wiring--and if his breath hitches at the sight of a child-sized silhouette held down on an operating table, only to see that it's just a teddy bear, only someone's toy, well.

No one's here to judge him.

Until they are.

He steps high to avoid the nests of wires and tubing that are almost trying to encase him, to trap him, only to pause when he hears the sound of footsteps approaching at a rapid pace. He needs a cigarette, but he tightens his grip on Cross Punisher instead, muscles tensing to swing the weapon around when he had a target in sight.]

If this is your idea of a joke, I ain't laughing!

[doubledollar]

[ from where that cloudy, black rip in the air vash is coming from--the building looks relatively normal. Halls are sort of well-lit, and he can see things like children's drawings and a scattered toy here and there along the hall as he's going.

it gives him the feeling of some sort of... school, perhaps; a daycare or something of the sort. the idea that its an orphanage hasn't quite entered his head yet, and it especially won't when he pushes in the first of many doors inside the building.
the view that he's rewarded with for his curiosity makes his stomach lurch, to be honest, and he's immediately feeling sick; images of a blonde-haired plant with sorrowful green eyes flickering into his mind.
followed by another image of her with wires pouring out of her spine, spilling out of where her eyes used to be--

He shakes his head, swallowing down the weight in his chest. Not here, he can't have another breakdown here. not when there's someone lost. his own nightmares didn't matter.
he closes the door to the nightmarish labratory, and continues to move.

...A shout has his head jerking up, his eyes focused on the direction it's coming from. He's going to rush the corner from where it came from--no idea that he's in danger of getting a cross to the face. That voice, was ... that? ]

It isn't my idea at all, where are you?? [ a hand over his face, calling out as he turns another corner. ]

Text | UN: vermeowenby

[cheep_soongbird_knockoff]

[Rren could only stare at their phone a long moment after the audio message went up. They shouldn't be surprised at Vash being Vash, and yet.]

First. Hi. You must be The Wolfwood that Mr. The Stampede mentioned. It's nice to meet you.

Second. He is supposed to be at home. Resting. And I am going to kill him.

text

[asipofbride]

hi? I guess?

[vash is getting such a look why does he keep putting wolfwood's name on weirdos' radars he's going to hit him again]

if you'd like I'm an undertaker by trade and I would happily offer a discount to my services for the privilege of taking him out at this point

[cheep_soongbird_knockoff]

[An Undertaker?? They thought he was a priest?? They'd ask Mr. The Stampede about it later. When they visited to yell at him for not resting. That man needed a damn guard posted.]

Hey. No killing him without me.

Though to be fair, he does a good job of just about getting himself killed without help from either of us.

[Which was exactly why they were going to kill him.]

text · un: vinviv

[mehjin]

🍿

text;

[asipofbride]

the hell is that supposed to mean

Video: UN: hotgoss

[bebest]

[Well, hey, at least he recognises one of those voices! Anyway, hi Wolfwood. Enjoy a zebrataur watching this with delight.]

Okay, so I'm trying to picture a friendship between sunshine and rainbows Vash and a grumpy undertaker and it's honestly like a sitcom. It's beautiful.

text

[asipofbride]

[ what is a sitcom]

Well you hold onto that thought real tight because that's as close as you're gonna get to whatever you're picturing. We were business associates at best.

Babysitter and idiot client to be more specific.

video

[doubledollar]

[ he's gonna wave an arm at his bossman buddyfriend hi hi

and make a gesture with his hand like, don't mind him, dont mind ]

He's all bark and 10% bite, trust me.

un: deku

[defendure]

Needlenogging is a pretty creative insult.

text

[asipofbride]

Needlenoggin', Blondie, Spikey, Dumbass. Moron, when he really deserves it. He responds to pretty much anything you throw at him.

video | un: devilhunter

[advivo]

[ okay, dante has to laugh at this, he doesn't say anything else he just laughs─ in his defense, this is pretty funny. ]

Nice introduction, Vash. You're really selling it to him.

text

[asipofbride]

[ oh god there are more weirdos crawling out of the woodwork. ]

How many friggin' people does Blondie know?!

[doubledollar]

I'm doing my best here I'm trying so hard.

He just HITS me when he doesn't understand!

voice; un: thorn

[poisontippedcure]

Dare I say it, you seem sane. Too many people introduce themselves in this place like it's full of--what's that expression everyone uses--sunshine and rainbows?

text

[asipofbride]

that's Blondie's schtick, not mine. i prefer to [ shoot first and avoid interaction entirely ] keep my head down and make due with what I come up with on my own.