kaisou | [sermon one] black thoughts they come like a gun on the hip

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[sermon one] black thoughts they come like a gun on the hip

WHO: nico, vash the pain in his neck, and you?
WHERE: nico's labyrinth and immediately after
WHEN: forward-dated to 4/15
WHAT: sometimes you're minding your business in the wake of the end of the world when a fresh crock of bullshit decides you're not allowed to leave the ride just yet.
WARNINGS: cw: blood, possible talk of human experimentation

i. inside a nightmare

[If Nicholas had been less of a realist, he might've called the situation unfair. hell, most people would've called fate or whatever greater cosmic force they might've believed in a huge jerk for taking them to the edge of the end of the world, only to avert said end of the world (except not, to the tune of a few hundred thousand people), leaving the (un?) fortunate souls to figure out what came next in wake of the shiny new hole in the planet, but wolfwood knows he's a bad person, so it's passe to complain.

Still. Tt's kind of a dick move to send a gaping black nightmare asshole to swallow him for the second time in his short life. Almost makes a guy long to be worm chow again. Worms are meat; sensible, shreddable meat, but black void assholery (shot through with horrid purple flowers and black, suffocating vines--) is just a whole new level outside the Punisher's pay grade. Not that he knows if he's got a paygrade these days, considering everything--

Still. There's nothing to do but get over it and get on with it when he wakes up again, shouldering his gun as his senses come back to him, throbbing but focusing in with a practiced quickness as he takes stock of where he is and finds himself--

Home.

He would know the sight of Hopeland Orphanage anywhere, and his gut twists to be in the one place he's missed more than anywhere, and the last place he deserves to be after everything that's happened. He doesn't think of Livio as he runs a hand over one of the large beds that tje children huddled in together, a sudden thought coming to him that for all it looked like Hopeland, it didn't smell, didnt *sound* like Hopeland, the busy orphanage eerily silent where the sounds of children should've echoed and prevailed.

Unease settled on his back. Wolfwood adjusted his hold on the straps of the Cross Punisher and made his way for the door--

Only to be greeted with the smell of blood and antiseptic, machines buzzing and beeping, whirring as they monitored god only knew what. A familiar table with heavy restraints laid nestled amongst the equipment, and Nicholas fought the briefest flickers of a number of emotions he'd snuffed out like so many cigarettes a long timr ago, dragging his eyes away from the table and to rhe next door, putting a little power into his walk because the Punisher didn't run.]

ii. outside in a different nightmare

[voice]

[the recording cuts in to the middle of two people arguing; people familiar with Vash will probably recognize his big yap anywhere, but the other voice is super mysterious!!]

--last time, I ain't gonna introduce myself to a bunch of strange weirdos. That's dumb.

[A gasp of outrage, theatric, from Vash.]

--They're not a bunch of weirdos! They're my friends! At least, most of them. Ones I haven't met yet, too.

[A heavy, put upon sigh from not-Vash.]

That doesn't inspire much confidence considering you call people actively shooting at you friends, Blondie.

Listen, that's different, people don't shoot at me here at all, so just. How hard is it to say, Hey, I'm new in town, nice t'meetcha, name's Nicholas D. Wolfwood, priest extraordinare!

For the last time, I'm an undertaker, not a priest, and that's still dumb. I don't need a bunch of people to know me. I just need a place where I can get some smokes because I don't have enough on me to deal with whatever tomasshit is going on right now.

Well, then you could just do that! There are plenty of people who use the--oh, wait, the light's on.

[Uh--fumble fumble? Somebody didn't read the instruction booklet. Unconfirmed whether someone can read, actually.]

Huh? What's that mean?

It's already recording over the network. I must have hit the button when I tried to take your phone.

[The long-suffering noise is sharp and swift.]

You dumb--Needlenoggin! I'll show you hit the button-- [a thud, and the immediate sounds of Vash whining like a dog you just stepped on.]

Turn it off!

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[ the bullying will continue because the bullying will continue. Wolfwood ~~likes~~ utilizes violence appropriately when necessary, but why bother swinging on Vash when he can verbally and emotionally devastate him instead? he grins as Vash loses his giggles--and is promptly struck dumb in the wake of the atomic strike Wolfwood drops right on him.

his stupid, insufferable smug gets bigger and bigger as Vash starts digging for the wormy core of the planet and refuses to come out. ]

You're a liar and you know it, Blondie.

[ and then the talk turns from anonymous legs to Wolfwood's legs and he is fucking living for it, his grin as big as it can get. ]

Aww, Spikey, you're breakin' my heart. You don't think about my legs, but you do think about my socks, huh?

So you're a feet guy. Ain't shame in that, I guess.

[ tactical nuke two, readied and rocketed. ]

[ HE JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE FROM GLASS TUBE MONSTERS AND WIRE DRAGONS AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT HIM? YOU KICK THE VASH? YOU TREAT HIM LIKE CRIMINAL?

You can SEE the emotional wounding on his face with EVERY vocal wound--this version of your needlenoggin is... sure expressive, wolfwood. please don't take advantage of it. ]

I'm not a liar!!
And I'm not into feet, either! Isn't there some sort of passage about throwing stones in glass houses!
This is like.
An attack on my character or something? What if you give me a complex, I'm a sensitive guy, you know?!

[ one of the two of them has a bounty and it's not the assassin from your brother's insane death cult, Vash. Vash is getting kicked like the football that Wolfwood is using to score a goal, babyy.

this version of Vash is fucking hilarious. the face journey he goes on, where the Vash Wolfwood is used to would just give him the softest expression and maybe a little laugh, especially as Julai drew closer in the distance; it's refreshing. his Spikey didn't make as many dumb faces in the last days of their acquaintanceship. It's kind of like coming back to an old friend. ]

Stones in glass houses implies I'm into feet, Needlenoggin', and that's a big assumption to make considering only one of us has talked about somebody's legs and sock situation.
It's okay to be sensitive and into feet, Spikey. Whatever happens in your bedroom between you an' the hooves you're hankerin' for is between you and the person who's the twinkletoes of your eye.
You got any room in that big head for another complex?

[ HIS BOUNTY ISNT HIS FAULT, DONT BULLY HIM LIKE THIS PLEASE, HE'S JUST A LITTLE GUY.
Well, maybe it is his fault, what with blowing up July, but, after the whole i-put-a-hole-in-the-moon incident, they kind of dropped his bounty, ok??? when youre categorized as a localized natural disaster, noone wants to shill out a penny around you anymore. ]

Can you stop saying I'm into feet?! I'm not into feet! Geez, man, what with how you're talking, it's almost as if you're projecting onto me!!

And I've got plenty of room in my head for a lot of things! ...

Wait, hold on, that makes it sound like I'm saying it's empty! Stop talking me into circles!

[ he is taller than wolfwood and therefore ineligible for smol bean status, suck it up wanted man.
someday, Vash will be worth a stick of gun and two pennies but for right now he's the most expensive bitch on the planet. it's impressive and horrifying in the same blow. ]

Now now, Blondie, you keep tellin' people I'm a priest, how could I be into anything weird if I'm supposed to be so pious and holy?

[ he manages to keep the venom out of his voice, given that the cloth isn't a source of comfort to him, but a collection of monsters who put him through some of the worst shit in his life all to protect the few things that still matter to him. he grins through it. ]

I didn't even have to lead you to that one, Needlenoggin, you leapt right on in. As they say, the truth will out.

Listen, the 'Wolfwood' I'm used to is absolutely a priest, but he's like, the worst priest anyway, so there's actually no differences between you at all!

[ he's gonna point accusatorily at wolfwood with a huff of breath out of his chest. then he hangs his head. almost like in defeat. he's been defeated. rem, he's coming to meet you... ]

Man, my self esteem is just taking chunks today. I want to cry.

Is he into feet? Is that something the two of you run around doin' together? Don't project on me too hard now, Blondie.

[ just continuing to reverse causality and abuse Vash all the live-long day, grinning as he wins the battle... and probably sets himself up to lose the war. ]

Man, you're more fun than the Blondie I know. I'd try to get a rise out of him and he'd just look at me and say my name with a dopey-ass expression on his face.

[ and it would give Wolfwood a gay panic everytime but Vash doesn't need to know that. ]

He's not! Neither of us are into feet, will you quit that! I'm gonna' throw you back into the portal where I found you, so you can deal with the!

...Worms!!

[ he doesnt actually wanna bring up what he saw in there. ]

Hmpfh. Maybe he just knew that if he was too 'fun' at you, you'd tease him relentlessly.
What if I just said your name while looking at you all googy? Huh????

Yeah, man? You gonna go fishing for Wolfwoods til you get the right one?

[ he's gonna try real hard not to think about the 'worms', still lazily smoking his cigarette and compartmentalizing the ever living fuck out of everything that's happened to him today and seems set to happen to him in the future. ]

I mean, you could try it. You're less soft and squishy lookin' than the Stampede I know, so it might be good for a laugh.

[ time to lean forward on his gun as if he's waiting expectantly for Vash to give his best babygirl impression ]

[ you know what fuck you he can do this just fine.

He's gonna reach up his hand to slap his own cheek, give his head a shake and take a BIG OL DEEP BREATH. ]

Just 'cause ya think...

[ he relaxes his features a little, letting those bright orange sunglasses slip down onto his nose a little as he lets his expression go to neutral. trying to shake the usual playful silliness out of his system, before he focuses, looking Nicholas directly in the eye. ]

...Wolfwood?

[ he says his name in a quiet voice, his head tilted a little, to look at the man through aforementioned bright orange shades. A soft smile that Nico hasn't seen the goblin-like version of the typhoon wear thus far.

Their faces might be different, but... the eyes. ]

[ it's fun to watch Vash psych himself up. Wolfwood grins like the shitty little goblin he he is as he watches Vash assume the position and the facial disposition, even as a niggling feeling rises in the back of his head that he may have played himself extra hard in 4k.

and then Vash locks their eyes and says his name and he's transported to that hung moment in time where Vash the Stampede had looked at a complete stranger in the depths of a worm's guts and told someone he already trusted that Wolfwood was a good person from his eyes alone. it may not be 'his' Vash's face--his Vash feels... younger, softer, less dragged behind the world's proverbial sandsteamer by a rope than this one, but the eyes.

much like Wolfwood is Wolfwood, Vash the Stampede is Vash the Stampede, and his eyes are soft and telling the truth for once, and Wolfwood is once again left ~~with a gay panic~~ at a loss of what to do with someone who trusts so wholly and heartily.

he's definitely pulling a face and being the first to look away. ]

Well fuck. Looks like even your dusty ass can pull out the kicked tomas eyes.

[ vash makes a sound in this throat. a little hehehehe noise as he tilts his head to the side. he feels a swell of success in his chest--nicholas looked away, and he'll take that as a complete and utter win. He won't celebrate--not obviously, at least. A small grin overtaking the soft smile as he raises a hand, giving a little twisted peace sign at the other. ]

So how's THAT for doubting me, huh.
See, I can be fun AND trouble if I wanted to be.

....

I just like fun more.

Oh shuddup. It's just hard to look at something when it's so pathetic.

[ sour grapes much, mr. wolf?

Wolfwood rolls his eyes but he looks back as Vash devolves into smirking like the smug little asshole he is, hand up as he does a familiar gesture--one that seems to catch Wolfwood's interest. ]

The Blondie I knew did that once. We were taking a picture, the four of us that were going together--what's it supposed to mean?

[ Wolfwood has never heard the diatribe of love and peace in his life. ]

It's not pathetic!!!

[ you liked it, admit it. but. hey, that question completely derails, and his eyes lighten up a bit as he looks over at his hand--where hes still holding the crossed over peace sign. ]

Oh, this?

When I was up in space with ...

... Anyway, we learned this thing called sign language, where you can make shapes with your hands that mean certain things, for people who can't talk.

My favorite ones were this...

[ he moves his hand, making a little symbol with his thumb and pointer finger. ]

Which is love. And....

[ and then a regular peace sign. ]

--Peace.

So, if you mix them, cross the fingers for the heart at the top....

Love and .... Peace!

Pathetic~

[ he singsongs, to recover what's left of his pride that he went down so fast in the wake of a pair of goo-goo eyes and a gentle reminder of the one person who thinks he's not a monster these days, but if Vash is willing to let Wolfwood wiggle out of that uncomfortable conversation by jumping to something else... maybe Wolfwood will play along, for once.

Vash seems really enthusiastic about his little demonstration, after all, so he leans in to watch him contort his hands, listening to the little speech--and part of him wants to tease Vash, to call him out for his dumb philosophy and his even dumber hand gesture, but. Maybe he owes Vash for losing gay chicken. ]

That so. So.

[ and Wolfwood lifts a hand, repeating the gestures in order--the love heart, the peace sign, and then the crossing of the fingers ]

Love and peace, huh.

[ call him pathetic all you want he cant hear you anymore

because youre doing LOVE AND PEACE sign at him and it's DELIGHTING him past the point of no return. He looks so happy--a big goofy grin on his face as he sways back and fourth a little, offering up his own hand to match Wolfwood's! ]

Mmm! Love and Peace!

Two of my favorite things in the world, yanno?
The two things the world would benefit learning more of.

[ here they are, hands raised up together in the silly little symbol of the two things that mean more than anything to Vash, and Wolfwood doesn't have the piss and vinegar to ruin that for him for once. the idiot looks so genuinely, genuinely happy, smiling in a way that actually makes it to his eyes and actually doesn't look half bad on him.

he wonders if the Vash he'd known had ever felt happiness genuinely. he certainly said he had, but Wolfwood wasn't sure he'd ever seen it in the man's eyes once they started to travel together, and it would be hard to ask, after.

he shakes his head a little, passing it off as his general, playful tiredness with Vash's boundless energy, letting his hand drop and his fingers uncross. ]

You're such an idealist, Spikes. I don't know where you get the energy for it some days.

I'm not an idealist. This is just... the way I am? I think.

[ ...sure, a lot of his positive attitude is put on, a way to hide the pain, a coping mechanism, something of the like--but that didn't mean he didn't like his coping mechanism. No, he truly did enjoy stuff like this, nico. sorry to say. ]

Some days are tough, but I'd like to think they make up for the tender days. They mix together and you can feel at peace about it.

Yeah. The way you are. Annoying idealistic and pretty damn loud about it.

[ he's kind of picked up on that, but he's also kind of ignored it because he was trying very hard not to have Vash be his problem, but you spend two months with a guy and he slowly but surely starts to become your problem--even in the wake of you witnessing him as the root cause of some of the most horrific levels of destruction you've ever seen

he's in a weird place, emotionally. ]

You think the universe is fairer than it really is.

No, that's not actually it.

[ he lifts his head to look at Wolfwood. Like, look RIGHT at him, his eyes having an oddly soft, quiet look to them. ]

I think the world is a cruel place. Even out when I was in space, I learned a lot about this planet we're currently on. Earth. How people used to treat each other, how parasitic humans tend to be.

I think that as a species, you start off at a very tough disadvantage, no matter if you were born here, or out there. It's just.

Each day is worth living.
If it means that the next days you can survive to will eventually become easier. Become softer.
You'll eventually be able to settle, and find happiness.

[ don't look at him like that

he doesn't know what to do with that look

the vash he knows is always so doe-eyed and sad, with his convictions ringing clear but weighed down by the guilt and pain that he feels, because wolfwood wasn't there for his genesis, wasn't there for his declaration to his brother, wasn't there for anything but the purple aftermath

he meets vash's eyes and stares at him back from behind his glasses, teeth finding his lip for something to orally fixate on

then he lets out a little breath, sitting back on his heels. ]

You think the universe is fairer than it is.

[ his own bitter, worn down conviction, spoken low and firm, coming from a man torn up by the world they'd come from in a fraction of the time vash had spent on it, unable to see the forest or the trees. everything was just empty sand. ]

[ ...he has the desire to lean in and pat Wolfwood's shoulder

so that's what he's going to do

even if the man just listened to his whole speal
and then gave him the exact same statement as before.

a little laugh in his throat. ]

And you think it's far more hopeless than it is.

So.
We'll find balance together.

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[sermon one] black thoughts they come like a gun on the hip

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