kaisou | text; un: silverrose

Entry tags:

text; un: silverrose

WHO: Waver+open
WHERE: The network
WHEN: A couple days after the Zodiac post.
WHAT: Damage control on the wreckage of his life.
WARNINGS: None, any that come up will be in subject lines.

So now that I've started this year by exploding in grand fashion, let me try again with a slightly cooler head.

My title is Lord El-Melloi II. My real name is Waver Velvet. I prefer to be called 'Professor', as only my family and close associates use or even know me by that name. I've had my reasons for keeping it quiet, but most of them are largely irrelevant here.

I apologize if my reticence has made me a difficult individual to coexist with. It is not something that comes from a place of inherent distrust, least of all after half a year spent in this world.

[he's trying very hard to say he tolerates most of you]

And please stop concerning yourselves with my hypothetical romantic life.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He waited patiently and then listened in silence, idly fidgeting with the thin chain of a pendant hidden under his collar. At first he said nothing, because what the hell could one say to that apart from empty platitudes? It sounded horrible, like nails on a chalkboard barely scratching the surface of something far worse.]

I'm...sorry to hear that. Did-...was it liberated, in the end?

Yes. And Ala Mhigo, another occupied nation, was liberated not long after it.

[He was tempted to take another sip of his drink, but only found himself staring it down. Like his cup's contents would provide an answer to a question he didn't know. Waver knowing the truth about him didn't put anyone at risk, but confessing it to someone still made his hands shake.]

Reconstruction has been slow, but the Doman Enclave where its Lord resides has gone from rubble to a thriving town once again. The people are openly sharing their beliefs and identities and simply living without fear.

...that's really good to hear.

[His smile was uneasy but sincere, voice quiet and cautious. Waver knew how difficult it was to speak openly in general, much less about something that surely weighed that heavily.]

Have you been able to visit it, since then?

Mm. I involved myself heavily with Doman reconstruction. My assignments occasionally bring me back. And... my mother lives there.

[Perhaps it was mention of her that gave him the strength to lift his head again, if only a little.]

The origin of my strength and my training is... abnormal. But I have done what I could these past eleven years to use against Garlemald rather than for it.

[Another pause, shorter.] I am aware that it erases nothing. But it is the decision that I made.

[Waver didn't speak for a moment, taking a drink and swiftly collecting his thoughts in the pause as he tried to form a response.]

...There's no one that's entirely perfect. In the myth and legend of my world's history, even the greatest and most idolized heroes all have flaws and failings just like any mortal that ever has or ever will live. Regrettable actions, poor choices, or even just getting into circumstances where there isn't a good decision to be made at all. It happens to everyone, and I'm sure that's not exclusive to any one world.

Nothing erases the past or the scars it writes into one's body and soul. Nothing needs to erase them, because they form the shape of who one chooses to become. Failure and success, kind and cruel actions taken, whatever moral code one develops and chooses to live by...it's all just pieces of a larger whole. You are who you make yourself into over time.

It is... difficult when people look to me like a hero when I'm nothing more than a sinner like all the rest.

[Even after all he's done to save the world, he still felt like it was undeserved praise. Even if with that praise comes the person he wants to shape himself into. The person who everyone else saw was the one he desperately wanted to see in the mirror some day.

He sighed, pulling himself up by the proverbial short hairs to look Waver in the eyes again.]

As I said, it has been an uphill battle. I appreciate your kind words, Professor. Truly.

...You can just call me Waver. I think I've sort of shoved myself past formality in a situation like this.

[He paused, emptying the glass and pouring another drink with a distant look on his face.]

I...knew someone who spoke to me like that once. A brave and powerful knight who thought very little of himself and told me he wasn't a hero. He-

[Waver stopped with the halting uncertainty of one who didn't know how his next sentence ended, thinking it over as he raised a hand back to his collar.]

S-sorry. If you're uncomfortable talking about any of that kind of thing, I wouldn't want you thinking that you had to.

... Waver, then. [It felt strange, but definitely more comfortable. No pushback given from Takame, almost like he'd prefer this as a whole and because of it his tail returned to a natural sway. Takame still had his first drink, taking very slow sips from it considering days prior when he had a few too many.

The man Waver spoke of sounded familiar. Like a few Takame knew. But with his concern so clear, Takame gave him a light shake of the head.]

I do not mind listening, so long as you are comfortable sharing. And given how I initially witnessed your past, I chose entrusted you with mine. There is much to be gained by sharing experiences.

There's no need to hold yourself accountable for that. It was my own fault for stumbling into a rift as it is, and I'm grateful for the help. But...well, you're right. If we don't come to understand one another in some measure, this group is never going to survive in a place like this.

[With that effort to brush aside an uncomfortable memory, he fell briefly silent. It felt unfair to let Takame do all the talking, so as long as they were sharing troubling pasts...]

He's the one who cut down Berserker and his Master that night. My Servant, Lancer--a legendary knight named Diarmuid ua Duibhne.

I was an annoying upstart brat back then with nothing to lose but my life, and I thought I knew what it was to risk even that. Needless to say, I had no idea and he saved me from mistake after mistake no matter how stupid I was.

Kaisou knows no mercy. [His tone is impressively and noticeably bitter. Which for Takame, is deafening. He's still unhappy about getting stuck in his own damned rift.

He didn't want to force Waver into sharing, but the fact that he did made Takame feel like his trust was reciprocated. He felt honored by that and reflected it by continuing to thoughtfully listen. His Servant, Lancer or Dairmuid... Takame wondered if this was the old friend he spoke of in the rift after the battle. He wouldn't voice his thought, he could never compare. Or so he thought anyway.

His mind went back to seeing the younger Waver last month and imagining a young and impulsive lad behind that small frame. He did little more than let out a thoughtful hum when Waver finished.]

I see. [A pause.] 'Tis most often when we're young, before we can grasp the value of life, that we are more likely to risk it. But this Dairmuid sounds like an impressive man.

He was amazing. Courageous, kind, unbelievably powerful...and possessed of self-esteem about as terrible as mine. In life he'd been forced to go against the knight he'd sworn loyalty to--because of that, as a Servant all he wanted was another chance to prove himself. To fight and claim victory for a Master worth serving.

...And he got a stupid teenager. Cosmic joke on both of us, really.

[That's quite a description. Waver clearly cared deeply for this man, clearly missed him. Takame would have like to meet him given the chance.]

An incredible individual indeed. And though you were young at the time, perhaps even foolish, I would say that he certainly found a Master worth serving.

...We figured it out, in the end. More or less, I mean--I think we were both content enough with our contract.

[and left a whole lot of Other things very un-figured out]

Sorry--I feel like I've gone and talked a bit too much.

Not at all. [Said with a shake of his head.] I am glad to listen to whatever you feel comfortable sharing. Many of the stories I could share may well pale in comparison to yours.

[cause hey you slay a god sometimes like nbd right.]

Somehow I doubt that. Apart from the Holy Grail War, my life hasn't been all that interesting. A lot of research and paperwork, a few dodged assassinations, nothing special.

Sure as hell never intercepted a blade the size of a building, I can tell you that much.

[look at him this man has 'ranged dps made of paper' written all over him]

Perhaps, but the average man has no need to dodge assassination either.

[it's okay waver you can do high dps too]

...Fair point. [you moron]

[they're both morons because this guy stumped someone for once in his stupid life but now feels like he's spoken out of line.]

I mean no offense. It explains why you held the habit of keeping your name from others. I understand the need well.

None taken, you aren't wrong. It's what I get for going into this career path against all better advice.

...Wait, you do?

Mm. My given name is somewhat common and has ever been the same. But it was rarely used as I fought for Garlemald. There is no sense in a weapon having a name after all. [Stated tragically matter-of-fact.]

The surname I use, though I've since taken it as my true name, was not the first I've used. Takame oen Tsurugi was what I was once known as, though more as a convenient designation. One abandoned to throw the Empire off of our trail as we hid in plain sight due to changing our appearance. [Waver didn't need to look too closely at Takame to know what that meant, the growing roots of his hair were a dark brown where the rest was blonde.]

...I think this one suits you. [A faint smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, an attempt at the kind of sincerity that was difficult at the best of times.]

Better to be known as a person than just as a sword, isn't it?

[For a split second, Takame's brows rose before his gaze fell again. Most days he still felt like a weapon. It felt like just yesterday that he thought Hydaelyn was just using him as a weapon of light. Hells, some days he felt he'd never shed his old black armor.

But he felt his heart stir at the idea that he was more than that. He still had trouble believing it, but the reminders were something he would never decline. Maybe some day he could believe it and there'd be a confident claim to his name.]

Mm. It is. ... Thank you. That means a lot. [More than either of them knew.]

Hey, it's nothing.

['It just feels wrong to have my name attached to that. I can't really explain it.'
'So does that mean that you don't really see yourself as a professor?'
'No, of course I do.']

[The problem wasn't with hating his title, it was with the brief spike of something like fear in hearing his real name from others. In the world of mages, 'Waver Velvet' was weak and useless--a liability. He couldn't exist in that reality, and 'Lord El-Melloi II' had taken his place a long time ago like a mask that could never come off.]

[He wondered, for just a second, if he'd lost that resolve of ten years ago which now felt like a distant dream.]

...Carry something like that for too long, and you forget who you were or ever could have been underneath it.

Indeed. And when given freedom unexpectedly the anxiety it brings makes one want to return to their chains.

[He was absolutely speaking from experience. But clearly he didn't go back. He knew change was necessary. The only constant in the world, whether he liked it or not, was change.]

No one should have to go through this.

Should, no. But sometimes it's just...necessary. To survive, to keep oneself safe, any number of reasons.

And sometimes one just resolves to make sure others don't have to go through the same.

text; un: silverrose

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