kaisou | Voice message; un: pirateking

Voice message; un: pirateking

WHO: Luffy + OTA
WHERE: Wandering around the streets
WHEN: August 16th-ish? About a week after dinos
WHAT: LET'S HAVE A PARTY, DANG IT
WARNINGS: He's trying to be understanding but he might, uhhh, not fully understand that dinosaurs are traumatic? Sorry, sorry!!

Hii

Hii

Hellooo

Can we have a party now??

I'm ready!!

ooc; There is no context for this message going out. None. Also, apologies to August but he did wait!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If you haven't put any effort into it, how are you the freest? If it was easy, anyone could do it! And who wants to go on a boring adventure like that?

uh i didn't say I didn't put EFFORT into it, i said I don't NEED to try. cus my life's already exciting and fabulous and free like that.
always has been and just keeps getting freer and fabulouserer everyday HA✨🤠😽🙋🏽‍♂️🎶
AND I've been on TONSof adventures just for the record...
Trustme there's NOTHING boring about my life!! 🙄🤣🥴🤨
‼️💰💜👨🏽‍🤝‍👨🏻💚💰🌌🛁💰📼📺💰🌊🏝️🧜🏽‍♀️🚣🏽🏴‍☠️🌊🌟🪐🔭🐀🧑🏾‍🌾🏚️🧚🏰🌃🌅📸📰🥇🏘️⛲🛵🌊🏝️🌊🌤️

[ L-Like... no-bars-held nonsensical contextless emoji-illustration will prove that...? ]

I'm sure you've been on tons of adventures!

He isn't denying that.

I'm just saying that being the pirate king and being free and having adventures are different things.

Becoming the pirate king means having visited every sea of the world, having gone to dozens and dozens of islands! It's the greatest adventure, one that takes you through the Grand Line and around the world! People talking about it like he's conquered all the seas but I don't wanna conquer anything! I just want to be the freest man in the world!

Also, nice picture thingies. Looks like you've seen and done a lot of interesting stuff!

He is taking those emojis.... literally...

[ Okay, that explanation wins him over for sure, catching some personal intrigue here. And of course, he'll eat up the compliment about his emoji use and keep at it... of course. ]

wait you've been to every sea in the world? COOL!! is your world like this world? have you ever been to the Ligurian Sea? beacuse that's where Im from!! 🙀🌊🐟🦀🦪🌊🇮🇹
though I think id know if you'd been to my island haha 🤔😅 🏝️🌾🪨🐢🌳🍃🌤️

Not yet but I've been to a lot of them! Right now, we're still in the Grand Line but we'll be heading to the New World next! First, we have to get our ship coated in a bubble, though, so we can go to Fishman Island!

His world is wild, okay? But it's still weird for him to think of this place as a different world.

I don't know about Ligurian Sea, that sounds cool! And no, where I'm from isn't really like here, at all. This place has things called continents??

Which is... a very foreign concept to him.

Where I'm from, there's only really islands. Dozens and dozens of islands, hundreds of them, in each of the seas. There's the North, South, East, and West Blue, all separated by the Red Line and the Grand Line. The Grand Line is considered the most dangerous sea! And it turns into the New World! I haven't been there yet but it sounds exciting. We rode a wicked current up Reverse Mountain in order to get into the Grand Line, which was also pretty cool! Right now, we're on our first adventure around the world but once we're done, I want to go again so we can explore any islands that we missed! Oh! But you have to make sure to avoid the Calm Belts, too. Those are super dangerous.

[ that is… so much to process. Alberto’s life has been very small before coming here. Not that he’d admit to it readily, but he’s feeling suddenly humbled and a bit embarrassed… and more than a little envious. Maybe he shouldn’t have dug his heels in so deep bragging; there’s no way he can one-up any of that… Still, jealous and insecure now as he may feel, he’s not a jerk — he can at least own up to being impressed… ]

That’s amazing.

What’s fishmen island like? Bunch of sea momsters? Are there sea monsters in your world? There are sea folk in the Ligurian sea. The sea folk here suck tho. I met them on that pirate adventure… 😒🧜‍♀️

Oh and what about the New World? Is it really new? And is it really another world inside a world……kinda like this place?

I'm not completely sure, since I haven't been there yet, but that's where my friends Camie and Hachi are from! It's kind of a mix! Fishmen are people who look kind of like cool underwater creatures? Hachi is an octopus Fishman! He has six arms! He always looks like that, so sometimes people are rude or mean to him cause of it but I just kick their ass when that happens. Camie is a mermaid. She's much more human looking but she isn't old enough for her tail to go away when she's on land. I think that happens when she's in her 20s? That's what old lady Kokoro said, anyway! She was freaky looking but nice! She was also a type of Fishmen but I don't know what kind.

Actual sea monsters where I'm from are called Neptunians. They're as big as mountains! Huge and scary strong. We try to avoid those, which is why we avoid the Calm Belts. Those are stretches across the sea that are completely calm. No storms, no rain really, and most importantly, no wind. There aren't really any waves, either, so that's probably why they like it there so much! But you can't sail without wind and fighting giant monsters is a pain!

Oh! The New World is what they call the second half of the Grand Line! Not a lot of people have explored it yet and everyone says, whoever finishes exploring it will change the world! Crazy, right?

But no, I don't think there's anything like this place where I'm from. We have a bunch of crazy types of islands but nothing like an actual different world. It's still weird for me tob think of this place as a completely different world.

[ This is so much. He's loving it, but his head is spinning with all the questions he wants to ask Luffy. Get ready for an interview, Straw Hat... ]

ok first of all

GIANT sea monsters?!!?!!
are they people or are they more like... Animals? Mean giant sea animals? or are they smart and can talk like people?
sounds like Fishmen are more like sea folk. there are probably a million kinds of sea folk in the universe though, so I guess SEA MONSTER can mean a lot of things when you think about it...!
back home there are just people-y sea monsters. Definitely no one as big as a MOUNTAIN...
kinda like your mermaisd, Sea folk make "The Change" when their on the surface, but doesn't matter how old they are, their bodies just DO that. when they're wet, fish-y, when there dry, human-y. so basically sea monsters look exactly like all the other humans and you might never even know it. except they don't have bellybuttons. apparently.

[ That is... so specific. Oddly specific. But Alberto's encouraged by the way Luffy talks about his sea folk friends — he's willing to kick ass for them! So he seems automatically like a trustworthy human on that front, even just from one conversation online, so Alberto isn't too pressed about risking revealing enough details to seem suspicious... if Luffy connects the dots, then, well, cool, fine. Alberto's had good luck here so far with people not trying to murder him, so seems fair. On that note: ]

Do humans hunt sea monsters and sea folk where you're from? is that why you kicked people's butts for your sea folk friends?
Humans hunt sea folk where I'm from. or at least they used to. not anymore.
HERE the SEA FOLK hunt the humans...!! it's insane! if you hear a weird song by anyoceans,try not to listen, OK? unless you're in the mood to get drowned and eaten ha ha... 👀😬🙉

the Calm Belts sound scary. the no winds and no waves part. considering your... on a boat. KINDA need winds and waves...! PLUS the giant sea monsters. what do they look like??

Whats the Deep like in your world? You know anything about that? I don't think humans can go there where I'm from but I heard they're trying here... really dumb. and dangerous.
your world sounds COOL but this place is CRAZY. I get it, man.

They're basically giant sea animals that want to eat your ship whole.
I don't think they can talk but they're pretty smart.
They typically stay either to the very depths of the ocean or to the Calm Belts.

He's in luck. Luffy is more than ready to proudly explain all about his world. He loves it, as wacky and zany and crazy as it seems to everyone else.

Fishmen are probably what you're thinking of.
They are kinda people shaped but live underwater.
But they're also wildly cool, some with extra limbs and gills and stuff.
They're typically stronger under water, which is a pain to fight, but they're also strong on land, too.
A lot of them are stronger and faster and kinda smarter than regular people!
Just like regular people, there's all kinds, good and bad and in between ones.

He tends to judge people after meeting them and doesn't care about appearance at all. And also...

And they poop! I asked!

It's a universal question he has to ask every species, okay?

Weird! I can't imagine not having a belly button.
But, I guess if you've never had one, it wouldn't seem odd to you.

It's hard to tell if he's speaking directly to Alberto and he caught that or if he's just speaking in general. Regardless, he doesn't dwell on it long.

It really depends. Some people do.
The ones that suck the most are the Celestial Dragons.
They tried to buy my friend Camie at an auction.
And they shot my friend Hachi!
So I punched him really hard in the face and we got in a huge fight.
Everyone else was freaking out a lot cause that usually brings and Admiral.
Ah, Admirals are really, really, really strong Marines.
They're kinda our enemy since we're pirates, you know?
That was a really bad fight.

Despite going into details about the most mundane things, like pooping, he specifically doesn't go into the fight. He's trying his hardest to avoid thinking about it.

Some Fishmen hunt humans where I'm from, too!
Or, well, a Fishman named Arlong kinda enslaved my navigator, Nami's home town.
Actually, funny story, Hachi helped!
But Hachi and Nami made up so it's okay now!

Just your casual, typical conversation about slavery. You know how it goes, right, Alberto? Totally normal thing to talk about.

Avoid weird songs. Got it.
Although that kind of sounds like a cool adventure!
Aside from the nearly dying part.

Neptunians come in all kinds of shapes and sizes!
There's a giant black and white whale looking one that's bigger than a mountain!
And then there's a weird bird looking one that's a similar size.
Basically, every kind of weird animal looking thing, except in water, and the size of small islands or mountains or stuff!
There's a ton of different kinds and I don't really know all their different names.
Main thing is the avoid getting eaten, you know?
Although, sometimes that happens to me, too!
That's funny!

I don't know much about the deep in my world.
Aside from coating the ship in a special bubble, you can't really go too deep, even with submarines and stuff.
I know Fishmen Island is about 10,000 meters below the ocean.
That's our next island to visit!
But there's a ton of ways to die on the way down!
It's really crazy and dangerous but that's just what makes it a fun adventure!
For the most part, though, people avoid the deep ocean.

[ Alberto has never enjoyed reading something here more than this text message (not that he's read all too much, but still). He reads it over a few times, in fact, before he manages a response, hanging on Luffy's every word. He's absolutely chuffed at Luffy's glowing description of the sea folk in his world. Guy knows what he's talking about...! ]

💯percento correct about the fishmen...! all that's true of sea folk in Italy too. 🙃🌊🇮🇹
(including the poop......👀 doesn't Everything poop? 😬💩)

[ They are getting on some kind of wavelength here with every message sent, and that's probably a worrisome thing... ]

you might not like the weird song if you hear it. some people did and some people didn't. it didn't work on me and my best friend but we both had to save friends of ours who almost got GOT...
though I did have to fight the sirens then. it was cool, though, the friend I was saving turned crazy strong and THREW the sirens through the water......!!! 🙀 it was AMAZING
but yeah they were totally trying to kill us ha.
which was funny cuz when me and my best friend met them before that, they wanted to kidnap us to keep us safe. but I had to kick one of them in the face when they chased us and tried to drag us down with them, sooo maybe that's why they changed their minds and attacked me later. HA.
SORTA scary? totally worth it. 😏

the kraken🦑 destorying the ship was much scarier.
He sounds like the kind of sea monsters in your oceans. giant squid that just CRUNCHED our whole ship...! that part of the adventure kinda sucked, ha...
oh and there was also a murder skeleton island. where the skeletons are alive-ish? aaand murder-ish.
.....NOPE no thanks ha ha. 😶☠️🙅🏽‍♂️

[ Still Alberto feels the need to try and feel on par with Luffy and wants to brag about his own crazy adventures... but Luffy's stories are so fantastical, he's slowly getting more comfortable with being one-upped just so he can hear more. ]

you got eaten by a giant monster? how'd you survive? Did it poop you out or throw you up or what?
You've got crazy stories, ragazzo. I like it. 😏🤌🏽
I love danger too ha ...well, the good kind. 🤷🏽‍♂️
as long as you don't almost die, but even that can be fun sometimes. the good kind of almost dying HA

[ Oh, no... They've found someone likeminded... ]

You never know! I ask every species I meet, just in case! So far, they've all said yes. The Giants, Fishmen, Chopper, Brook, Franky. Chopper is our ship's doctor! He's a talking, shape shifting reindeer. Brook is a living skeleton. Franky is a cyborg. They all poop! I think the zombies and the haunted tree man pooped too but I don't remember. Thriller Bark was crazy.

It's an all important question for him, okay? He asks quite a few people this question.

That sounds really cool! Fighting sirens for your friends, you must be really strong and brave!
And you have crazy strong friends too, which is awesome!

Expect a lot of praise, Alberto. There's nothing more admirable to him than fighting for your friends.

I heard about the Kraken! That sounds amazing!

I bet it would make an awesome pet! I want one. I'll have to try to take one the next time it shows up.

I don't know much about murder skeletons. Our musician Brook is a living skeleton but he just tells a bunch of skeleton jokes and laughs a lot! And has an afro! He's awesome!

I've been eaten a couple of times. I was almost eaten a bunch as a kid. Other people had to save me then! I was still really weak! Now, I mostly fight my way out or get lucky!

I got eaten by a dinosaur on Little Garden but a giant cut off it's head before it finished swallowing me! That was crazy! I also got eaten by dinosaurs a couple times here but they spit me out later. I just wanted to eat them, they shouldn't have fought back!

Yes. Clearly, the dinosaurs are at fault here. How dare they not let him eat them.

I was almost eaten by a banana gator in Alabasta but Sanji saved me, then had to save me from nearly drowning.

I was eaten by a giant snake in Skypiea and had to beat it up from the inside while it was passed out, after getting zapped by the God Eneru, to get out of its mouth. I haven't been pooped out yet, though!

He's kind of glossing over the details and probably forgot a time or two in there.

My friend Camie was eaten by a sea monster! Beating it up was how we accidentally saved her! That was cool.

And what's Ragazzo? Is that a nickname? I like nicknames! I should give you one too!

But yeah, adventures and stories are the best and the funnest when done together! Even if they end with almost dying, it's something you can laugh about with your friends later, you know?

[ It's a good thing this conversation is happening over text, because Alberto needs time to pause and process all of this. He's earning funny looks from his best friend/roommate across the room for how strongly he's reacting to Luffy's stories, gaping at his phone incredulously at every twist and turn. Alberto though he and Luca were pretty crazy... but the goalpost for "craziest" just keeps shifting ever since arriving here. Luffy, however, is shifting it a whole other field's length away... ]

holy sharks... 😳🙀💬‼️
OK first of all
YES, I am definitly strong and brave, also 100 per cent correct 👌🏽
I'd fight for my friends anyday!

BUT...
I'm not magic or anything. And I've only fought people. and a goose. and a seagull.
and a ghost technically. but I didn't really FIGHT, I just tricked her into... not trying to kill me? haha😬😹 it was kind of funny

but I've never been EATEN or fought giant monsters or gods or anything...
Never met someone with crazier stories than us... ha...

so your friends with an alive-ish skeleton but he's funny and not murder-ish? and he poops? how??

[ Asking the important questions here... He gets it, Luffy. ]

I dont know that many not-human people. except sea folk of course.
that's cool you've met so many kinds of people! and been so many places!
me and my best firend Luca wanna travel the world too. we're saving up for a Vespa so we can go see uhm... well, go see EVERYWHERE, ha! 🌍🌎🌏🛵👨🏽‍🤝‍👨🏻🗺️🧳🔭✨🌙☁️🍃
we'll definitly have lots of stories about our adventures. and we've already almost died together like A MILLION TIMES both here and back home and we can laugh at moooost of them now haha... 🤔🙄🤣😏

2 quick questions though 🤗😲

1 why were you trying to eat the dinosaurs...? 🦖👀

2 not really a question but KRAKENS AREN'T PETS...!!!?🤌🏽⁉️ you can't "TAKE ONE"
man, ragazzo just means guy but if you want a nickname I'll call you Pazzo because that's CRAZY! mamma mia...🤦🏽‍♂️

That's still amazing! One of my friends, my crew mate and sharpshooter, he's not so strong. And that's okay! Like you, he had to beat a ghost lady with negative powers! He was the only one who could do it, cause every time us strong guys tried, we would fail! It was super funny but also serious?

So, even if you're not strong and you're just normal, that just makes you extra special and talented, like him! That means you have to work extra hard. Harder than us strong people, just to keep up!

He finds it actually more admirable that Alberto was honest about not being super strong or talented at fighting. That requires extra bravery. He isn't brave and he's very aware of that. He's confident in his abilities and he doesn't have fear for the consequences. Being scared but pushing yourself requires extra bravery and that's important to acknowledge. He's especially aware of that after his fight with Usopp. He has a lot of regrets there and how they parted before he ended up here, with him unable to help his very brave friend when he needed him most.

I've heard of the goose! I wanted to fight it, because it sounds tasty, but I was told not to.

Why'd you fight the seagull? Did it raise the price of newspapers again? Nami is always fighting them on that!

I want to hear more about your fights, though, they sound awesome! And fun and funny and cool!

Yeah! Brook is super cool! He has a sad past but he's an amazing musician! He was part of a musician pirate group before he died, so he can play all kinds of instruments! And he can open up his skull and store things inside of there! Only important things, though! But that's hilarious!

He eats and laughs a lot and farts and burps! Nami thinks that's gross but I think that's funny! His favorite food is beans and he takes good care of his afro so he can reunite with his whale friend, Laboon!

I don't really know how pooping works for him or anybody else. I don't really care about that so I don't ask. I just know he said he poops when I asked, so he must, right??

Clearly the most important questions.

Traveling and seeing all kinds of exciting sights is great! I hope you guys can go on awesome adventures soon!

I don't know what a Vespa is. Is it similar to a waver? Or maybe it's like the mini Merry! You'll have to tell me about it, there's so much here that's different but similar to my world! Cell phones are weird but kinda like den den mushi. I think den den mushi better, though!

I mean, who wouldn't want to eat a dinosaur?? It looks tasty! In the end, I was only able to try one kind, though. And since Sanji wasn't here, I could only roast the meat over an open flame. I can't cook. I make things explode. Or my crew says it looks like poison and tastes terrible! Shi shi shi shi!

That's what you say but I think it would be an awesome pet! Just you wait, I'll make one my pet one day!

Pazzo? Crazy? Cool, I like it! I'll call you Ragazzo, then, since you taught me what it means!

hey hey hey I didn't say I'm not strong!
and definitly didn't say I'm normal HA
I just said I'm not MAGIC...
but I am a hard worker your right. and I'm SMART. that counts almost as much as magic, right? haha!

[ And humble...! Luffy's giving him too much credit. He's still full of it. ]

which brings me to the seagull...
It happened back home while I was fishing with my boss.
I was a fisherman. I worked in our friend's dads pescheria.
the seagulls were all trying to steal our huge catch (and I mean HUGE catch, tanto pesce, I was the best fisherman in the world probebly, next to my boss Massimo of course)
but this ONE seagull was an extra jerk trying to get our fish (he must have been the boss seagull)
So! jerks get punched. simple as that. 🐟🕊️💥🤛🏽😤

[ And for extra emphasis, he even attaches a picture he drew illustrating the occasion... ]

but that's not even my coolest fight, that was just funny. I'll have to tell you about the Portorosso Cup someday and how we defeated Ercole Visconti's evil empire of injustice. 🏆😏⛈️🚴🏻‍♂️🍝🏊🏼‍♀️
I'll tell you all about Vespas then too because their an important part of the story! basically the best things ever INVENTED...? we owned one once. we earned it for ending Ercole's rain of terror 💁🏽‍♂️

[ He means reign... But the rain sucked too. It's a dramatic saga he wants to paint the right way, since it's the best adventure story he's got, really, at least from back home. He knows he can't compete with Luffy's stories, but that won't stop him from bragging about his own as if they're in the same league... Conveniently deflecting even as he's exaggerating, though. ]

the GHOST "fight" was also pretty funny. some ghost lady tried to drown me... but I can't drown... so it was more awkward than anything. I just pretended to die and she left, ha.
the sirens were scarier.
the murder skeletons were also scarier (I didn't fight them but ONLY BECAUSE I made a promise to my other best friend that I wouldn't get into STUPID danger. theres a difference.)
but the kraken was the scariest
WHICH IS WHY THEY ARE NOT PETS...!
pets are rats! and cats! and dogs! NOT fish and VERY NOT giant ship-crunching squid monsters! I feel like I shouldn't have to be saying that? but here we are??
besides that squid needs to live in the ocean and its GIANT, where would you even KEEP IT...?
I'll help you find a nice rat instead eh?🐀 hows that

[ Rat in place of a giant squid... hmmm... ]

Why do you want to eat everything if you can't even cook it??
Look, ragazzo pazzo, ha... I used to explode stuff and poison people too. TASTED GOOD. usually. buuut sometimes it was a crapshoot. just keep cooking anyway and you'll get there. now I'm a FANTASTIC cook!
But two peieces of advice for you, and this is important ok...
one? play music while you cook. singing to your food makes the food taste better. you can taste it if your sauce doesn't have a song in it.
and two...?
DON'T TRY TO KILL RANDOM DANGEROUS ANIMALS AND EAT THEM? even the mean goose!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be saying this either. And yet I am.

[ These two are fast friends if Alberto's already jabbing him. This is great. He's not gotten on with someone so well so fast online, not since he got close to Luz a couple months ago. His social life is blossoming...!! ...into this!! ]

other questions:
seagulls sell newspapers in your world?
what important things does the musical skeleton guy keep inside his head?
what's a den den muschi?

P.S. I deserve a better nick name then Ragazzo please. 😒
some guy already calls me Nickles. I need a cooler name, thanks a thousand 🥲😑🤬

Wow, you have some pretty amazing and cool stories! I love them! I really want to hear more!

You just have to know how to tame them! I'm sure I can do it! You'll see!
I'll tame one eventually!

Still convinced that he can tame a Kraken. But hey, rats are a good distraction!

Rats?? I have a friend, Squeaky, who likes rats!
It would be awesome to have the same pet as him!

It has to taste amazing!
And I'm not usually the one cooking, that's Sanji.
I bring him all kinds of weird and wild ingredients and he whips up amazing, delicious feasts all the time!
He can make anything taste good!

He takes Alberto's advice into very serious consideration. Sing to his food, huh? People usually call his singing annoying but sure, why not! Although, when he sings with a group, he does sound amazing, so that annoying bit might just be because he's bored.

Sing, huh? I'll try that next!

Although I should probably find a permanent place first. I was staying with Taco but I think she might move in with new friends.

And I don't really like staying by myself in this place, so I've mostly been wandering around and sleeping outside.

But once I have a place, I will definitely sing to my food as I cook it!

He will also just. Totally be ignoring that advice about not eating dangerous animals. Those are the most delicious, okay?

Yeah! They're called News Gulls! I really miss that here! They were cool, they updated us on what was happening everywhere!

Mostly a tone dial with the last song he and his crew ever performed. He's the only one still alive, so he wants to keep that memory to share with his whale friend, when they meet again! But he also sometimes keeps maps and other important papers in there, too.

A den den mushi is a psychic snails! It's the best communication device ever!

He launches into a way too long description and explanation about these creatures and how they work.

They even create psychic illusions! So they can look like and mimic the person they're speaking a little bit! Your cell phone thing is similar but much more boring. I like the den den mushi better!

[ Alberto once again has to stop and react and reread and re-react multiple times through reading this message. Poor Luca across the room is growing concerned with Alberto's dramatic gestures of disbelief and exaggerated shock at his phone. He's like questioning his reading comprehension skills at times — "psychic snails?!" But, no, no, Luffy goes on... Psychic snails, that's right. This is incredible, this entire conversation is blowing his mind continually. It's almost surreal. ]

I'll DEFINITELY tell you more stories don't worry 💪🏽😤😏🙃

you have a friend named Squeaky who likes Rats...? For real? 😳😬🤣🤣 perfetto ha ha rats are like his destiny!
I have a friend who's a ratxpert (that's rat + expert) and he has A BUNCH of rats! their the best pets. much better than cats.
AND MUCH BETTER THAN A KRAKEN 😫🤌🏽

[ He's not letting it go. He doesn't even like the idea of fish bowls and aquariums. This is beyond him. ]

ALSO. just out of curiosity...
if you live OUTSIDE... on the land...
WHERE will you keep the kraken? it can't live in that ocean lake. the water is weird.
just curious.

[ Does not bat an eyelash at the fact Luffy's living outside, apparently. Nothing abnormal there. Nope. ]

your sea gulls could talk?
I mean if skeletons can be alive and talk and poop... and snails are psycich... I don't know why I'm surprised about the sea gulls... 😑
can your whales talk? is that why your skeleton friend has a whale friend? or is he a magic whale-talker or something?
Dolphins can talk to sea folk where I'm from. they just won't. their snobby.

but about the denden muschi!
they can LOOK like the person they're talking for??!
so if I had a big mustache and I called you on a snail the snail would have a big mustache like me??
(I DON'T have a big mustache but you get my point...!)
because I'm just saying, these Everything Machines are pretty amazing...!! Not technically a telefon because we had those back home and it's not this. But these are much better than a telefon. Hard to beat this thing. But it CAN'T grow a mustache sooo... 🥸🤔

[ These are very persuasive intellectual discussions they're having. Priorities: poop and mustaches. ]

I wouldn't keep it anywhere.
It would live in the ocean and be free to go wherever it wanted!
I just think it would be cool to tame one, have on as a pet~
It could help me out sometimes when I was on my ship and we could be friends!

His idea of pet is very different. At least he wouldn't try to move it anywhere? Still probably not a good idea.

I don't know much about rats or cats or anything!
I think having any kind of pet would be cool, though.
Animals are awesome and super smart!

And no, they didn't really talk, although they could make gestures and hold things with their wings!
Mostly, they just delivered newspapers.
Most animals don't talk from my world, unless they're Zoan types or from some special island.
But I don't know anything about that island and I only ever met the one!
He was a polar bear and super cool!
He was on a different pirate crew.
The captain seemed okay, if a little bossy.
And he had weird powers!
He had a bounty nearly as high as me!
He's part of the Worst Generation, too.
But he helped me fight and get away from a bunch of annoying Marines, so that's fine.

Yeah, they usually do that!
They show big goofy sunglasses, or hats or mustaches or stuff!
And their expressions change vastly from person to person, so they kinda look like them, too!

Mustaches and poop are very important, okay? Alberto is valid, these are major conversations to have.

OK Well in that case
I hate to tell you that the ocean the kraken lives in is gone. that place was called El Nido and the gate closed after we all came back.
there's another ocean if you go to Stardew but I never saw any kraken there. Normal squid, yes, giant evil crazy monster squid, no.
so no pet kraken for you after all I guess? SORRY...
I don't know how it works, I just live here. 🤷🏽‍♂️

there are plenty of better pets for you though!!
if you really want a sea pet my best friend's dad raised show crabs for competitions back home... but he said they were usually pretty crabby. 😐🦀
cats are cool but they can attack you, they're small but scary. but when there not attacking you their great. 😻🐟
dogs seem fine but I've never actually met one myself yet 🤔🐕‍🦺🐕🐩🦮 but I still know all about them! dog's can't go wherever they want here, they need to be led on a rope, I don't like that. They should be free.
now RATS? Rats are the perfect pets. they're friendly. and cute. they go wherever they want. they can fit in your pocket. they won't attack you, and if they do it wouldn't hurt (unless it was many rats attacking at once but if that many rats are attacking you then you probably deserve it ha ha)
and when theyre happy their eyes go in and out of their faces like 😳🙀 it's really weird haha

[ This has been Alberto Scorfano's essay on Why Rats Are The Superior Pet, thank you and good night. The eye-bulging detail is the cincher, naturally. ]

most animals don't talk where I'm from either.
some talk here. and some people can talk WITH them. that'd be cool, I would have loved that gift when I was little ha ha.
I don't know about any animals who work jobs though... is being a pirate a JOB? 🤨 being a Capitan's a job right?
what kind of weird powers did the capitan have? do all pirates have weird powers? do YOU? 👀

[ Oh, man... They've finally reached THAT question. Luffy, you have the stage...! ]

I knew rats were cool!
They really do sound like they'd make awesome pets!

Congrats, Alberto, you have successfully distracted him from his quest to tame a potential Kraken. He is now solely focused on rats and possibly finding some to make as a pet.

My friend Chopper can talk to animals!
He's a humanish reindeer, so he can talk to basically any animal.
Apparently, most animals can talk to other animals where I'm from. Just not people.
It was a super cool ability he had!
He couldn't talk to the Neptunians, though.

He's predicting that as a future question. Not that Chopper ever tried but it was basically considered impossible to talk to them.

I'm not sure if it counts as being a job?
I think mercenary is a job.
Bounty hunter.
Pirate hunter.
Marine.
There are lots of jobs, so I guess pirate might be a job.
I never really thought of it that way, though!
I just think of it as an adventure!

No real surprise there.

Oh. Yeah. Right, things are different in this place!
Where I come from, some people get Devil Fruit powers.
Basically, you eat a fruit and you get special powers, but in exchange, you'll never be able to swim again!
I got the gum gum fruit!
I'm a rubber man!

YEAH their the best!!
My friend makes a show with his pet rats online sometimes. Ratas y noches apasionadas. You shsould watch it! Those rats are actor rats!
(but it's not their job they just like it Bruno would never make his rats do anything they don't want to do)

If pirates a job it sounds like a cool job!
I wouldn't want to be any kind of hunter.
Except a fisherman, that doesn't count 🐟 👀
but only hunt fish! and maybe crabs and oysters and stuff. not people.
hunting people isn't cool... ha... 😬

[ Conveniently, though, being a fisherman doesn't count as being a hunter. Because Alberto worked as a fisherman. He's exempt, here. ]

wait so you can't swim but you live at sea?
what if one of your sea folk friends ate one of these fruits?
why's it called the gum gum fruit? what's a rubber man?

[ It'd help if he knew what rubber was called, Luffy, sorry... He knows rubber, just not the name. Weird suspicious gaps in his knowledge of human society like this just crop up sometimes. ]

That sounds awesome! I'll try to check it out.

It's definitely awesome!
But not all pirates are cool, so you should still be careful.
My first crew mate is a former pirate hunter!
And my second crew mate is a former pirate thief!
They're cool and funny and good people.

I love fish! If you become a fisherman, I wanna get a lot of fish from you!

And yeah, I can't swim. I'm a hammer, I'll only sink and drown!

He says this without a hint of concern.

None of them have eaten anything but I don't think they'd drown.
Since they can breathe underwater and all.
But they wouldn't be able to move, so it'd probably still be pretty scary.
There isn't really a lot of benefit they'd get from it, since they're already so awesome, but as long as they don't go in water above their waist, they'd be fine!

Should he just... freely be speaking about his weaknesses to an internet stranger? Probably not. Will that stop him? Absolutely not.

There's different types of Devil Fruits.
Actually, there's only one of each kind, so they all have really different and wild and crazy powers!
My brother ate the flame fruit, so now he can be fire whenever he wants!
Wani ate the sand fruit, Smokey ate the smoke fruit.
There's a ton of them!
One guy we fought turned into a giraffe!
There's basically three different kinds of fruit powers.
Logia, which is elements and stuff.
Zoan, which is animals.
And then there's paramecia, which is what I am!
I'm a rubber man. I'm bouncy and stretchy and can do all kinds of cool things!

so people hunt pirates?
and you turned an ex-pirate hunter into a pirate? that's cool!!
I know someone who used to hunt sea monsters who changed his mind like that too. then the whole town stopped hunting sea monsters because of him!
good people can change their minds like that. and other people's minds!

that guy was my old boss back home actually, Massimo. he owned the pescheria I worked at. he taught me TONS of stuff! I'll definitely give you some fish, but I could TEACH you how to fish too if you want... we'd just need a boat.
I also worked as a lifeguard for a little bit so in theory I could save you if you start drowning 🙃

man those fruits sound crazy, though...! 🙀🍎🍐🍓🥭
I've heard about another magic tree but my friend said people use it for its magic wood not its magic fruit
We don't have anything like that in Italy. not that I'VE heard about at least. I think I'd hear about that...
ha wonder what the first guy who ate one was like 😳🥴😂
I've eaten plenty of random plants before but none ever gave me any magic powers haha... 🙊🤢💩

That's great!
The only ones that should ever be hunted are sea kings and that's mostly cause they try to eat you first.
AND they're tasty!

I know how to fish!
Kinda!
I'm not super good at it but I can help!
Fishing requires a lot of patience and I'm not always the best at that part.

Devil fruits are really crazy that's for sure!
But you don't have to worry, I don't think they'll ever show up here.
Besides there's tons of other, more fun things to eat. Like laughing mushrooms!

I GUESS... I'm all for eating fish but if there are like a million sea kings then that's fine to hunt them. if there are only a few though... maybe not...? but on the other hand they sound TERRIFYING so I hope there aren't a million around, for your sake HAHA 😬

I know cool tricks to make fishing go faster. and if we get a boat with a wench for the net, it's a lot better then with a fishing pole how people like to do here...
the rod is FINE but if you want to catch a lot of fish the net is the way to go.
That's how my boss back home did it. We caught SO MANY fish! 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

What are laughing mushrooms?
Do they make you laugh, or are the mushrooms laughing? 🤔😹🍄👀

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Voice message; un: pirateking

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Whoops, I guess I forgot to hit send, my bad!

nw, time isn't real!! :)

lol tru tru

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject