Anonymous text

[laminae]

WHO: Fern (but anonymous!!) and the network.
WHERE: Libra
WHEN: Early July.
WHAT: Please help this dumpster fire of a relationship.
WARNINGS: None.

[Well, here he goes. Fern has been thinking about this for a while, and he isn't really sure what to do at this point. He's so good at screwing up friendships that he's scared he'll say the wrong thing and mess it all up, and he isn't actually sure what to say, so clearly the path forward is to anonymously crowdsource solutions to Varian acting so strange.]

soooo i got a really important question for all of you
it's about a friend of mine, i'm worried about him
he's acting weird lately and i think he might be sick or something
he's been stumbling over what he's saying, kind of like his tongue is tied in a knot
and he's been twitchy
real twitchy
and saying that he's fine when he totally isn't fine
it's so obvious he isn't fine even a total stranger could tell
also there is a lot of blushing going on

is this supposed to be a sign that he doesn't want to be friends anymore?
i really hope it isn't that but i gotta be realistic here
man i don't know, i could use some help here




and don't say he's got a crush because i know for sure that he doesn't

Comments

UN: hikari-vi

[whiteshroud]

If you're sure it's not a crush, then maybe he murdered someone?
Have you seen any suspicious evidence?

[JUN WHY IS THAT YOUR ASSUMPTION]

[laminae]

no way he wouldn't

[........... Except Varian did tell him about that time he kidnapped a whole entire queen. And then tried to murder the queen. And her whole family.




Hmmm.]

well
um
what kind of evidence would be suspicious?

[whiteshroud]

Weapons, mysterious red or brown stains, times in his schedule he's unaccounted for, a sudden interest in taking out life insurance policies or a sudden influx of wealth, diary entries where he wrote down his crimes.

[Someone's been listening to too much true crime]

un: hyenahidin

[laughwithme]

got hit on the head?

[laminae]

oh!!
yeah maybe!!
he's always doing super dangerous projects

[Science projects, but if he gets that specific it might be too obvious.]

maybe he did? i should look for a bump or something

Text; un: Koromaru

[whatsamada]

I doubt he'll want to stop being friends but maybe you should take him to the doctors? Especially if he's that sick.

[HM..........]

[laminae]

that's what i'm wondering
what if i don't and he gets sick?
but man how do you even get a friend to go to the doctor
do you just go "see a doctor"?
do you plan out an ambush and kidnap them?
i don't got a lot of experience here

[Especially with human doctors, he has zero experiences with those.]

Un: WitchDagger

[begaydocrimes]

sounds like he’s either crushing super hard

or he has rabies

[laminae]

i already said it's not a crush
i know it's not one

pretty sure it's not rabies i know the signs and he's got none of them

Text; un: SunshinePrincess

[prodigalhairess]

oh, the blushing and the stuttering!!
there's no way that's NOT a crush!!

[... Probably the most awkward person to respond to this but. Hey. It doesn't seem like she's caught on yet.]

[laminae]

[Oh, this is awkward. Super awkward.]

i'm pretty sure it's not a crush

[But Rapunzel probably knows Varian better than anyone else here, so maybe she's right? Maybe she knows something???]

um but if it was a crush
how do i make sure that's what it is

Text, un:llloyd

[namestrees]

[Blushing, stammering, jumpy--]

Oh I bet he's planning a surprise for you!! And he's nervous you'll figure it out!

[laminae]

a surprise huh?
i didn't think of that

but it's not my birthday for like a year
and i'm not sure he even knows when my birthday is

text: un: trienemybest

[droptheious]

[Does Varian realise this is Fern? More to the point, does he put two and two together and realise that Fern is talking about HIM?

Absolutely not. Varian might be a genius, but he's also a goddamn idiot. ]

Those sound like fever symptoms to me. Delirium, hot flushes, tremors. Probably get him to see a doctor or something. Just in case it's contagious.

...Also so he can get better. That too.

[laminae]

[Ohhhh no. Maybe he should have figured out to hide this post from Varian? He didn't even think of doing that, and now it's too late.]

a fever huh
maybe that's all it is
it's not a big deal if it's contagious, i don't think i can catch human diseases anymore

[They'd just have to make sure Rapunzel doesn't get sick.]

text, un: Melodiousnocturne

[ocean_songbird]

i mean it sounds like a crush to me dude
but if ur sure its not that like
maybe he had an am i dead moment???
cuz like a lot of people have been having those moments lately
tho idky hed be blushing in that case

[laminae]

an am i dead moment?
you mean he might think he's dead or something?
or sort of dead?

text | un: la_máscara

[caballero_oscuro]

If it's not a crush, it's a fever. Take him to the doctor before he passes out or something.

[Sounds to him like it's also a crush though.]

[laminae]

yeah that's what other people have said
i don't got a lot of experience with this but i think i can get him to a doctor

un: calledtothewater

[findingways]

[ Well there's no way she can not respond to this. ]

I dunno, it sounds like a crush to me. How are you so sure it isn't?

[laminae]

[Moana please help this trashfire.]

because i'm not the kind of person anyone would ever have a crush on is all

Also anonymous

[silvertongueheir]

Well, does he act that way around other people? Or just you? Perhaps you should inquire with some of his other friends.

[laminae]

not around one of his other friends

[Not around Rapunzel for sure.]

maybe friends i haven't met i don't know

text; un: Litania

[chatterboxing]

tbh it sure sounds like a crush to me

how would you know if it's not anyway

[laminae]

it's not

i'm just super sure of it ok?