Anonymous text

[laminae]

WHO: Fern (but anonymous!!) and the network.
WHERE: Libra
WHEN: Early July.
WHAT: Please help this dumpster fire of a relationship.
WARNINGS: None.

[Well, here he goes. Fern has been thinking about this for a while, and he isn't really sure what to do at this point. He's so good at screwing up friendships that he's scared he'll say the wrong thing and mess it all up, and he isn't actually sure what to say, so clearly the path forward is to anonymously crowdsource solutions to Varian acting so strange.]

soooo i got a really important question for all of you
it's about a friend of mine, i'm worried about him
he's acting weird lately and i think he might be sick or something
he's been stumbling over what he's saying, kind of like his tongue is tied in a knot
and he's been twitchy
real twitchy
and saying that he's fine when he totally isn't fine
it's so obvious he isn't fine even a total stranger could tell
also there is a lot of blushing going on

is this supposed to be a sign that he doesn't want to be friends anymore?
i really hope it isn't that but i gotta be realistic here
man i don't know, i could use some help here




and don't say he's got a crush because i know for sure that he doesn't

Comments

UN: hikari-vi

[whiteshroud]

If you're sure it's not a crush, then maybe he murdered someone?
Have you seen any suspicious evidence?

[JUN WHY IS THAT YOUR ASSUMPTION]

un: hyenahidin

[laughwithme]

got hit on the head?

[laminae]

no way he wouldn't

[........... Except Varian did tell him about that time he kidnapped a whole entire queen. And then tried to murder the queen. And her whole family.




Hmmm.]

well
um
what kind of evidence would be suspicious?

[laminae]

oh!!
yeah maybe!!
he's always doing super dangerous projects

[Science projects, but if he gets that specific it might be too obvious.]

maybe he did? i should look for a bump or something

[whiteshroud]

Weapons, mysterious red or brown stains, times in his schedule he's unaccounted for, a sudden interest in taking out life insurance policies or a sudden influx of wealth, diary entries where he wrote down his crimes.

[Someone's been listening to too much true crime]

Text; un: Koromaru

[whatsamada]

I doubt he'll want to stop being friends but maybe you should take him to the doctors? Especially if he's that sick.

[HM..........]

[laminae]

that's what i'm wondering
what if i don't and he gets sick?
but man how do you even get a friend to go to the doctor
do you just go "see a doctor"?
do you plan out an ambush and kidnap them?
i don't got a lot of experience here

[Especially with human doctors, he has zero experiences with those.]

[whatsamada]

[..............................................Well.]

No, you don't kidnap them. You ask them if they're okay and then you go to a clinic.

Who told you that you need to do that?

[laminae]

that's how you go dentist back home
i mean no one likes the snakes and butter so you kind of have to kidnap the person

[RIP Ken. RIP.]

[laminae]

oh wow that's a lot of stuff
i need to write down this list because i'm pretty sure i can check some of it off

[Varian: a sketchy person on a good day.]

Un: WitchDagger

[begaydocrimes]

sounds like he’s either crushing super hard

or he has rabies

[whatsamada]

[THERE WERE SO MANY QUESTIONS HE WANTED TO ASK BUT...!]

That's a little different, you don't do that here. You could get arrested for kidnapping them to go to the doctor.

But anyway, have you asked them to go to clinic?

[whiteshroud]

That's a good idea.

But don't let him catch on that you're investigating him for murder. It might make him do something rash.

Text; un: SunshinePrincess

[prodigalhairess]

oh, the blushing and the stuttering!!
there's no way that's NOT a crush!!

[... Probably the most awkward person to respond to this but. Hey. It doesn't seem like she's caught on yet.]

Text, un:llloyd

[namestrees]

[Blushing, stammering, jumpy--]

Oh I bet he's planning a surprise for you!! And he's nervous you'll figure it out!

text: un: trienemybest

[droptheious]

[Does Varian realise this is Fern? More to the point, does he put two and two together and realise that Fern is talking about HIM?

Absolutely not. Varian might be a genius, but he's also a goddamn idiot. ]

Those sound like fever symptoms to me. Delirium, hot flushes, tremors. Probably get him to see a doctor or something. Just in case it's contagious.

...Also so he can get better. That too.

[laminae]

like try to murder me?
he prooobably wouldn't do that

at least if we're friends then i don't think he would

[whiteshroud]

I don't know.
Lots of people have said that

Right before getting murdered.

So just be careful, okay?

[laminae]

[That's fair. Ooo is weird.]

arrested?? seriously? but it'd be for a good reason!

nnnno
is that really i got to do?

[laminae]

i already said it's not a crush
i know it's not one

pretty sure it's not rabies i know the signs and he's got none of them

[laminae]

[Oh, this is awkward. Super awkward.]

i'm pretty sure it's not a crush

[But Rapunzel probably knows Varian better than anyone else here, so maybe she's right? Maybe she knows something???]

um but if it was a crush
how do i make sure that's what it is

[laminae]

a surprise huh?
i didn't think of that

but it's not my birthday for like a year
and i'm not sure he even knows when my birthday is

[laminae]

[Ohhhh no. Maybe he should have figured out to hide this post from Varian? He didn't even think of doing that, and now it's too late.]

a fever huh
maybe that's all it is
it's not a big deal if it's contagious, i don't think i can catch human diseases anymore

[They'd just have to make sure Rapunzel doesn't get sick.]

text, un: Melodiousnocturne

[ocean_songbird]

i mean it sounds like a crush to me dude
but if ur sure its not that like
maybe he had an am i dead moment???
cuz like a lot of people have been having those moments lately
tho idky hed be blushing in that case

[begaydocrimes]

welllll it doesn't sound like any disease i know of but we're in a parallel universe or some shit so who knows what he's got

there's like doctors here right? like real doctors?