video | un: blackbirdtarot

[drewthetower]

WHO: August
WHERE: The network
WHEN: June 22nd
WHAT: Visions!
WARNINGS: August swears

[Gooooooood afternoon, everyone on this accursed app it is time for your monthly August Gives Bad News! The video today opens on August, as usually, but this time he is not in his house.

He is...in a cave? And there's sand all in his hair and on his shirt? The fuck?]

Guess what time it is? That's right, we've got visions and tarot readings and for once it's pretty fucking straightforward! Shocking, I know. Anyway.

[He pulls the Star card from his deck and shakes off a little of the sand.]

Star, upright, a really good fucking card! It's all hope and the universe not actually fucking you over for once and holy shit do I love getting this card. This is a good card.

[A beat.]

Unfortunately, everyone else got giant fucking tentacles and drowning and shit so...be careful of the beach for now? Last time I checked there's nothing tentacle-y in the water but that means fuck all. [Another beat. More sand falls from his hair.] Honestly, whatever's tentacle-y will probably show up in that fucking duck pond.

[As he shuts it off, more sand falls from his hair and he can be heard muttering in Spanish:]

How the hell do you deal with the sand in your hair, Bruno, it's way curlier than--

Comments

video; un: Litania

[chatterboxing]

[Lita does not like hearing the words "drowning" and "duck pond" being spoken within seconds of each other.]

Oh, good, so we're prolly gonna have even more reason to avoid the park like the fuckin' plague.

[drewthetower]

Maybe! Given the park's track record, I'd say probably but hey. I'm a fortune teller not a psychic.

Video, un: WitchDagger

[begaydocrimes]

Wait tentacles? What tentacles? There’s tentacles in a pond somewhere?

[drewthetower]

First: are you new? Just so I know what I need to explain here.

video; un: teasweets

[lapislamine]

[Mercie, responding from a little break in swimsuit shopping, apparently.]

Oh, dear... It's unusual for the signs to be so contradictory, isn't it?

[begaydocrimes]

Just got here a few days ago!

[drewthetower]

Not really. I do a reading for the whole damn city, and the others just get visions with no way to like, direct that shit. They see what they see.

[drewthetower]

Okay so, a handful of us are basically psychics, though I do more fortune telling than actual psychic bullshit. Every month or so we start getting weird shit, we talk about the weird shit, I deliver the weird shit to the app at large so we can hopefully be a bit prepared for whatever bullshit is coming our way. One of the guys saw tentacles, and there's this duck pond in the park that is super fucking cursed so if tentacles are gonna happen, my money's on it happening there.

Text, un: Dynamight

[callmekacchan]

[It had to be drowning. It just had to be water and fucking drowning didn't it? God fucking damnit.]

Of course we'd get eldritch horrors lurking in the water in summer.
When everyone is flocking to the nearest body of water.
Probably watch out at the pools too.
Can't rule out them suddenly spawning tentacle monsters out of nowhere when we're dealing with magic bullshit.

[drewthetower]

eh pools are probably fine, they're too small for anything.

hopefully if anything shows up it's just at the duck pond

text; un: fern

[laminae]

[This is a very unfortunate message for someone who:

1) Takes magical visions seriously;
2) Had a phobia of the ocean when he was slightly younger;
3) Is currently repressing the fact that he's half eldritch octopus.

So Fern is feeling pretty unnerved about mention of giant tentacles and drowning, though he can't fully explain why.]

dog that's crazy ominous
is the beach haunted? is there anything we can do?

[drewthetower]

[Whoops!]

it's not haunted and I don't think we could do anything even if it was. just be careful

[lapislamine]

I see... "Hope and good things" just seems so directly opposite drowning and tentacles, and it hasn't seemed that was in previous months.

Are you and the seers alright?

[drewthetower]

Arthur was freaked out and Bruno's...did you know his visions require fucking sand? Like, a lot of fucking sand.

[Guess why August is covered in sand!

Also Bruno's Bruno but he's not gonna say that.]

[chatterboxing]

And in case it's somehow not the pond, people should prolly just. Steer clear o' water in general unless like absolutely necessary.

After these last few rounds o' bullshit I kinda don't think we should be takin' any chances.

[drewthetower]

With the Star I'm cautiously optimistic that it's not gonna be a fucking nightmare but...

[begaydocrimes]

So like real psychics and not like those psychics on TV that like promise you you can talk to your dead grandparents but even though you accidentally charge $100 to your parents phone bill they don’t actually let you talk to your dead granddad?

[That’s uh, weirdly specific.]

[drewthetower]

[....there's a Story there.]

That's mediums, and uh. No. Not like that at all.

[lapislamine]

Baby powder helps dislodge sand from hair, if that will help.

[She...isn't sure what to do about the rest. Well, other than bake sweets. She is firmly of the mind that sweets can only help and already mentally putting together a little care package.]

[begaydocrimes]

[Definitely a Story.]

Oh. I didn’t know there was a difference.

So uh, tentacles. That’s some creepy sci-fi horror shit, huh?

Text; un: Koromaru

[whatsamada]

Then we'll be fully prepared to fight a giant octopus somewhere in the park.

[drewthetower]

Wait, seriously?

[drewthetower]

Could just be a random magic squid. Wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen this year, honestly.

[lapislamine]

Yes. You can also use a blow dryer to get both sand and hair very dry, and blow the sand out with it, though that can be a bit messy and blow dryers aren't for everyone.

[begaydocrimes]

Theeeere’s weirder than a giant magic squid here?