In My Heart's a Memory

[life_ethereal]

WHO: Harumasa and close CR
WHERE: Fortress of Meropide
WHEN: Beginning of August
WHAT: Harumasa has to share bad news with his close friends and family.
WARNINGS: Terminal illness

CW: TERMINAL ILLNESS

[Harumasa is understandably nervous to even broach the subject, even after calling everyone here. He's been sitting on this news for about two weeks. However... it feels more wrong to keep this information from them. They're people who have grown close to him or are reconnected family. Despite all the odds stacked against him, they're all going to miss him. That's not really what he wants, but that's just the truth of the matter.

It's just better to gather everyone together so that he only has to say this hopefully once. If Wise or the other members of Section 6 arrive... well. He'll just have to cross that bridge when he gets there.

He's smiling and greeting everyone cheerfully enough as they arrive. Although there's a sadness that taints his normally good cheer, he's still genuine in his friendliness. Once everyone has entered and gotten themselves settled, Harumasa waves to get their attention.]

Hey~! Thanks for coming! I know I called everyone with the promise of news from my doctor now that the tests have all been completed. So, I'll just cut to the chase out of respect for everyone's time.

[Harumasa pauses for a moment before taking a deep, fortifying breath.]

Just a recap so we're all on the same page, the condition I have is Elemental Aptitude Regression Syndrome and it's a congenital disease. I was born with it in my heart and lungs, and some things happened in my past that has made it pretty difficult to treat normally. It's also a terminal condition. There's no known cure.

Most people diagnosed with it don't make it past childhood. Symptoms occur when there's an overabundance of spiritual or elemental energy. Normally, people with this condition would go to as spiritually dead places as they can, but eventually even the smallest traces become lethal. However... because of aforementioned things in my past, I'm highly dependent on being in places with high spiritual energy while it still continues to act like a poison to my body.

I've been seeing a specialist ever since I came here, and she gave me the final results.

[The young man has been going strong up until this point. There's a moment, a split second, where the genial expression on his face cracks. Just a split second of terrible sadness. Not for his own sake, but for how everyone else will handle it. Harumasa has had his entire life to come to terms with it. This is going to be a lot.

He sighs softly and he takes a more serious expression.]

I've now hit the decline to the end stage of Elemental Aptitude Regression Syndrome. The leading theory is that it was triggered by the health attacks I've had for two months straight, but especially after Jumanji. The evil presence of that game really wrecked my body when it was already weak from the influx of spiritual energy. Just to be totally clear, I don't blame a single solitary person for this happening. It was just bad luck and this might have still happened anyway.

[Harumasa crosses his arms lightly. Although he gives these details matter-of-factly, there's still a gentleness and kindness that softens his tone.]

Currently, they're estimating that I have maybe a year left minimum since we caught it so early. If I'm lucky, I'll have two years. Though, the being possessing me is confident he can give me that time provided nothing else goes catastrophically wrong.

[Again, he pauses for a moment.]

So... I'll open the floor to questions about what it's gonna look like for me from here on or whatever you guys wanna ask me in general. Don't worry, after the question round, I'll leave you guys alone to talk amongst yourselves and process all of this without me here to overhear anything. I promise, it won't hurt my feelings.

Comments

QUESTIONS

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa is sticking around to answer any questions that others may have. His disposition is relatively calm with a slight smile on his face, but there's a shadow of sadness in his eyes. He knows that this is very hard for everyone to hear and he won't make light of that.]

[droptheious]

[It's not news to Varian that Harumasa is sick. It's not even news to him just how sick he is. It's a deeply unpleasant knowledge, but its one he has all the same. He's also noticed Haru getting sicker- Jumanji especially was an indicator that something was desperately wrong.

But the literal deadline dropped in front of them is something else. Just a horrible, frightening finality. But what sticks in Varian's chest like a dagger is how Haru just seems to accept it. He looks around the room, brow furrowed, before shaking his head lightly.

No. Absolutely not.]

Okay, so what do we do now? If medicine has gone as far as it can go? We're in a unique position here, we've got people from- from so many different worlds who might know something that can stop this. Is it time to appeal to the network at large? Because it feels like it's time now.

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa can't say he's surprised that Varian wants to try to fix this. He knows exactly the lengths that he'll go through for the people he loves. So, he's going to just be honest and understanding.]

Truth be told, I don't know what to do now. There are definitely things that I still need to do, and the increased dosage to manage my worsening symptoms is going to take some adjusting.

Plus, I know that I'll be taking the month off to rest and heal. I need it, my doctors and Sunshine have made that very clear. It's gonna take time to purge the rest of the game's evil from my body absorbing it.

[He pauses for a moment.]

So, I guess my thought is that we still have enough time to take this month off to really think about it, and also to mend our bodies. And... I still need to think about whether or not to get the network at large involved. How we tell them, how much we tell them, if we even mention my name.... I don't wanna make a hasty decision for something as important as that.

[hexcrafter]

[Viktor had listened throughout the explanation in silence, expression inscrutable as he fidgeted slightly with the crutch leaning against his shoulder. There simply wasn't much to say, and he of all people knew that better than most. Denial or overblown worry would be less than useless at best and infuriating at worst. The situation simply was what it was, no matter how much Harumasa and everyone else in the room might hate it.]

Thank you for telling us. [When he finally spoke up, it was with nothing more or less than a quietly calm acceptance.] I do not really have anything to ask, except...what can we do for support in the meantime? Not the easiest question, I realize, but... [A small tilt of his head that seemed to signal 'you know everyone here will want to do something'.]

[life_ethereal]

[He truly appreciates Viktor's calm and understanding in this moment. The tacit understanding in that question is one Harumasa can very easily pick up on.]

It's a fair question all the same. For this month, I'm not allowed to use magic at all and my mobility is temporarily restricted. I'll need some help moving around the Meropide, for starters, and probably some help getting to your place, Viktor. But I'll text you if I need to be virtual for a session.

[Harumasa pauses for a moment to consider.]

Anything that can help me stay a little independent would be really appreciated. While I'm certain everyone here is more than capable of helping me do the everyday household tasks, I know that can be a lot to ask.

[moderni]

[Maxima keeps quiet at first, watching the reactions of others as much as anything. He's calm, his expression serious and thoughtful, the air of someone who has witnessed enough tragedy to know that it can't always be avoided. Someone who's done enough triage to know how to focus on the here and now, on what's definitely possible, rather than what may or may not come in the future. If he has emotions about what Harumasa has said, he'll have them in private or at least direct them at someone other than the man himself.]

In the vein of accommodations...are there any tasks around the Fortress, or areas you use frequently, that we could update to be more convenient for you? Any adjustments we make for your sake would surely benefit others as well, to one degree or another. ...And even if nothing comes to mind for the moment, please don't hesitate to mention anything that you notice could be made more comfortable in the future.

[Since this is clearly progressive and things might grow more difficult with time. Maxima can hope that something will be found, but in the meantime ease and comfort are the most important things they can give him.]

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa has given that significant thought over the past couple of weeks, at least. It's an easier question to answer than what he expects.]

There will probably be some days where it's difficult to get to the cafeteria area, but I expect that to happen later on as my health declines. However, getting ideas on how to make that a little more accessible is something we can work on implementing sooner rather than later in preparation. Granted... eventually it's going to be really difficult for me to get around at all in the Meropide with how big it is, so it might be that I'll just need to have some form of transportation to help me get around comfortably.

I'll still do some work for the Aides, but that will probably depend on how I'm feeling the day of the mission. If there's someone who can be scheduled in to be my backup just in case, that would take a worry off of my mind. It doesn't have to be the same person, of course, just whoever happens to be available. This is gonna be my rest month, though, so I expect September is when we'll really have to get that solidified.

[loupmorque]

[ the expression on Wriothesley's face is... difficult to read. He takes the news quietly, without moving--arms crossed over his chest as he trains his breathing. A frustration already building in him--anger that seeps into him from hearing it was Partially that game's fault that it'd gotten this bad. It's hard not to feel a little guilty--since he'd been part of the group that'd planned that game night, but.

Reminding himself that Haru was born like this--and reaching this end was an inevitability one day; merely expedited by evils noone could see coming--he manages to keep himself calm. Keep his fists from finding the nearest wall, and adding a new window feature to them.

Even if his knuckles are certainly white, hidden under the gloves he always wears over them as they remain curled against his arms. ]

Diseases are... hard to combat, when they're especially bad. Even in my world. There's a number of people I've seen fall through the cracks due to contracting something that just can't be cured--regardless of how hard my little Melusine friend tried.

That being said.
This... world is so much more magical than the one I come from.
Is there. Nothing we can do, but sit and wait for you to fade?

[ wriothesley had gained immortality from a fucking peach--and while he's sure he could still get stabbed to death and die--who says there isnt a magic apple that could cure diseases? right? Right...? ]

Surely there's... something that can help.
What can we--
[ ...no, for this moment, he wants to be just a little selfish. ]

What can I do to help you. Harumasa.

[life_ethereal]

[There are some people he's dreaded giving this news to. Wriothesley is one of them. Although a tough man, he's also a very kind one. The last thing Harumasa wants to do is give him cause to feel guilty about what amounts to just terrible luck.

Seeing his 'Boss' wanting to try because he doesn't want to sit and watch him fade away almost breaks him. Harumasa deflates a little bit. Not that he's been overly happy this whole time, but some of the strength he's been portraying has finally started to show some of the cracks that are actually there. He hates that he's doing this to them. He hates that there's nothing he can really do about it.

Harumasa recognizes that this is one of the exceedingly rare times Wriothesley is wanting to be selfish. It hurts, in a way. Twists in his heart like a knife. However, it also makes him feel warm. He's so glad and grateful that Wriothesley took him in as a tenant. More than that, that Wriothesley views him as a friend to cherish and fight against fate.]

I don't know if there's nothing that can be done. If there's a way to do something about this, either we'll find it here or it just doesn't exist yet. I won't say no to anyone trying to look for something. I want to live. Badly. Just... not badly enough to want anyone to think that I'm going to be bitter if the answer is 'nothing.'

However, I... don't want the solution, whatever it is, to involve any part of a sapient person. Even if it's just hair or blood. I can't accept something that means taking from another person just so I can live a little longer.

[No more sacrifices to progress. He's been there before. Harumasa staunchly refuses to put someone else there.

Yet, he finds it in himself to smile. Genuine and kind.]

If you're gonna go out there to find something to help me, you have my blessing and my support. Just make sure it doesn't consume you, y'know? I'd like to see my friends and family so that none of us have regrets. Because, honestly, you're helping me already by giving me this home where I don't have to worry about losing it because I get too sick. I can't overstate how huge that is to me.

I might have to talk to you and Maxima more about helping me get around when my health makes it harder, but that's something we can prepare for and not an immediate thing. Keeping my room warm is also gonna be more important this year during the winter. The cold can do some pretty nasty things to the respiratory system!

AFTERWARDS

[life_ethereal]

[As promised, after the questions are done, he will leave the room to let everyone process and discuss amongst themselves. Or argue. He's not here to stop anything.]

[burgersplease]

[Anby had been silent through the questions. She's not much of a talker, and she was honestly just processing everything. Masa-chan had mentioned his illness before, but... after he got better from the Jared incident, part of her concern had eased off. And after he went into the hospital after the Jumanji incident... she told herself that he'd get better. Like he always gets better. Like when they were kids.

But now... hearing all this... talking with such finality.

"I̷ ̷t̴o̶l̸d̵ ̸y̸o̴u̵.̷.̴.̶ ̸I̶'̴m̶ ̸n̶o̷t̸ ̵g̷o̶o̸d̷ ̷a̸t̸ ̷f̸i̶g̵h̵t̵i̶n̵g̴.̴ ̸B̷u̴t̷.̸.̴.̴ ̴a̶s̸ ̴l̷o̶n̸g̷ ̸a̶s̷ ̶C̴a̵p̵t̵a̷i̸n̸'̸s̷ ̴h̶e̵r̴e̸.̸.̴.̸ ̴I̶'̵l̵l̸ ̶b̵e̴ ̸o̶k̵a̴y̵.̷.̴.̷ ̸R̶i̶g̸h̸t̷?̵"

...

It's only when Harumasa leaves the room and the door shuts, does Anby finally speak up.]

.... It can't end this way.

[While she still has her monotone voice, there's a spark of defiance, determination in it]

You are the people who took down the Unyielding. Who took down Krusnik. I remember the stories.

I don't know medicine and I'm not a smart person, but I know how to fight and to travel the Spirit Realm. Tell me where to go, what to fight, and I'll do it.

[She swallows]

I'm not a good sister, but I don't want to lose another sibling. Not again.

[centralfiction]

[For those who knew him, Ragna was strangely silent this entire time. He'd barely said a word aside from telling Harumasa they'd talk later. In fact, he was about to leave himself just to take this awful tsunami of emotions he felt out on something else.

Then he heard the soft spoken voice of the woman he didn't recognize. Clocking that intense determination even despite the monotone.

... He expected to be pissed off for the first time on seeing her. Knowing how much grief she caused Harumasa. Hell, even now a condescending "So, you're actually doing something for him now" laid on his tongue.

The only reason it didn't come out here is because, well. He knew that older sibling desperation.]

You. You're Anby, right?

[hexcrafter]

[Viktor didn't speak up in response right away, casting a glance towards the door as if waiting to be sure Harumasa had left. Thin fingers tapped nervously on the white metal of his crutch as he tried to string together his thoughts before gently answering with:]

This is not something which can be solved through physical strength. Or at the very minimum, it is not something with a clear enemy to defeat or a readily available solution. It may have no solution at all, even if that outcome is not yet a certainty.

I say this only to temper your expectations. There are still possibilities that may or may not lead to a favorable solution, but I would caution you--all of you--for Harumasa's sake as well as your own, do not lose yourselves in them and forget the present situation itself.

[droptheious]

[Varian is far too stubborn to let this go. To step back and let it just happen. He's glad to have a voice here echoing his sentiments. He'd fight this battle alone if he had to- wouldn't be the first time in his life - but everything is so much easier when you have someone in your corner. ]

I have no plans in letting it end this way. Not if I have anything to say about it.

I'm going to research this, see what I can find- honestly, we might need someone who can go into the spirit realm to... uh. Fight things, to get an atrefact or ingredient or... whatever. Who knows where the answer is right now, but I'd say that being able to go and get something if it's in a dangerous location would be a big support.

[ He knows Jun could do it with his eyes closed- but he also has a pretty good idea how Jun feels about all of this already. He won't force his partner to be involved in this - much like he knows Jun wouldn't force him to step back. He doesn't know Anby, but he figures giving her some acknowledgement that what she can bring to the table matters can only help with her here. ]

[imperfectfifth]

[He's also trying to process this, but there is a pressing question as Anby's statement lingers in the air. He clears his throat, and very lightly asks:]

You're family, too? I don't remember seeing you at the... Bad Place, but I'm one of the younger ones. Sorry for overlooking you all this time—I'm Zephyr.

ALONE

[life_ethereal]

[However, if anyone wants to speak to him alone later, they won't find him in the Meropide at all. There's a note on his door that says, "Lighthouse," but nothing else. As promised on the note, Harumasa can be found at the top of the lighthouse in the harbor. He's leaning forward with his arms resting on the rail as the sea breeze ruffles his hair and lifts up the loose ends of his yellow headband. Harumasa will smile on seeing someone has decided to join him, but he remains quiet with his gold eyes looking out towards the horizon.]

[whiteshroud]

[Jun had been quiet through the discussion. He had mostly hung around in the back, remaining silent as the others asked questions and discussed matters. If he spoke up, it was mostly at occasional moments when he felt he had something to add to the conversation. Otherwise... he took the news in silence.

In truth... there'd been part of him that'd suspected something was up since the hospital. There was nothing overt... just little changes in Haru's behavior and demeanor that gave Jun a sense of unease, a sense that something was off. Part of him had hoped he was just imagining it... but, this only confirmed that feeling.

He waits until the after discussion is over before heading off to track down his brother. His senses had told him Haru wasn't even in the fortress right now, so he didn't even try going to his door to check. Instead... he had a good idea where he'd be. So he teleports there, coming in with a flash of blue light. He'll walk over, sitting down with his legs over the edge while his arms hang onto the rail. He's quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how to start.]

How are you feeling? Now that that's done.

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa is happy to stay in the silence as Jun thinks about it. He's not all that surprised to see his little brother. At the question, the young man will give it some thought. A real analysis of his current emotional state.]

Honestly? I feel a bit lighter. I've been carrying that news for too long, but I had to wait until this last test.

However... I think mostly I just feel... a little anxious, but a little more at peace, too. Now that I have a more definitive time frame. While I don't necessarily like it, I have longer than I ever would've thought I'd have. I plan to make the absolute most of it.

[He tilts his head at his little brother.]

How about you?

[hexcrafter]

[Eventually, the tranquility was broken by the approaching hum of some kind of propulsion engine approaching from the base of the lighthouse; its source a colossal Golurk that gently set down its trainer safely on the platform a short distance from Harumasa. Viktor gave the automaton's arm a grateful pat before recalling it, and glancing to Harumasa with a thin smile, settling to sit down with his back to the lighthouse itself.]

[Silence passed for a length of time most would probably have found uncomfortable, punctuated by the sounds of the vast ocean just beyond. Until, finally:]

...You know, they would all turn over every last corner from here to every spirit realm within reach in search of a solution if you asked.

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa returns the smile, and also waves at the Golurk like an old friend. Just a small greeting to the Pokemon.

To most, this silence would be uncomfortable. For him, it's simply a moment of peace and patience. Either Viktor will talk to him or he'll remain here as a silent companion. Both options are understandable.

When it's broken by that statement, he remains quiet for a few seconds longer.]

Yeah... it's a strange feeling. I'm so used to handling all this by myself and not getting too close to people. It's... almost surreal to have people so willing to support me.

[Another moment of quiet before his voice turns gentle.]

But you know I won't ask, huh? Not directly, anyway. ... I guess I just don't want my family to view the "hunt for a cure" as something I'll resent them for if they don't find anything. You know?

[centralfiction]

[When Harumasa broke the news, Ragna was uncharacteristically silent. He was ready at all times to start screaming, throwing punches, cursing the world, calling someone stupid. But he said nothing. When he finally left as comments and possibly arguments arose, he just said one thing.

"Later."

Which could mean a lot, really. But it was a promise of return at least. Or something like it.

That return came a long while after Harumasa had went to the Lighthouse. He'd probably gotten used to the quiet, peaceful solitude before Ragna made his way up on the wind, acknowledging Harumasa with a gesture of his head and joining him in that silence.

... Deep down, he wanted to lash out. He wanted to shout and dispute and hate the world and destroy it for making someone he cared about suffer. Twice no less. His sister, if she was even alive anymore, suffered from this. He knew the deterioration. He knew the signs. He knew as intimately as one could without having the illness himself.

He knew those nights crying when thinking about the very real possibility that he'd wake up one morning to find Saya lifeless in her bed. But he couldn't show how scared he was of that as Niisama.

He can't let on how scared he is now to a man who has made peace with it.

As someone himself who has made peace with the short time he has... maybe that's why he cannot accept it for someone else.

Despite all that was done by a light in both their lives to keep them going for longer, it wouldn't be enough.

No, Ragna can't accept that. Not without using every minute the both of them had left to find a way for Harumasa's dream to come true.

For Asaba Harumasa to live.

So, after another long silence.

With all of the conviction in his heart. With all the determination his past "Grim Reaper" self and his current "North Wind" self had.

Ragna just said one thing. Quiet. Calm. Steady. Honest.]

I'm not going away any time soon.

["I'm not giving up on you."

Not until the very end.

Until the very end.]

[life_ethereal]

[The silence feels companionable rather than stifling to Harumasa. There's a point where he simply closes his eyes, the faintest smile on his face, to more fully enjoy the sea breeze. His heart feels a little lighter after being able to tell everyone the news. At the same time, there's a different weight that settles on his heart, too. Inflicting this pain on others isn't something he likes, especially when it's because of him.

When Ragna makes that promise, or perhaps reaffirmation of a promise, he turns his head slightly to look back at him. At that angle, the sun catches his gold irises to make them look more like liquid sunlight. His expression is kind and calm, but the look at the other man is brief. Harumasa returns his gaze to the horizon. However... the smile on his face looks softer than it was before.]

I'm staying, too.

[A promise that he won't leave, either. Harumasa can't promise them that he'll live to a hundred like he did Soukaku a lifetime ago, but he can promise to stay. They're all in this together.

Until the very end.]

[greatlydares]

[Belle sticks around for the aftermath of the news, talking quietly with the rest. She slips away later, and heads to the lighthouse, climbing up the stairs with Eous tagging along beside her. In fact, it's the little Bangboo's quiet little eh-nha? that Harumasa might hear first. (We're here. Are you all right?)

For a long moment, Belle says nothing, just rests her arms on the rail beside him. Shuts her eyes for a moment, and breathes.]

Harumasa? Let's both do our best to live our lives to the fullest. [She means it.

She just also doesn't plan to accept, any time soon, that he'll be gone in a year, maybe two. There has to be something they can do to buy just a little more time, just a little more life. But for now, with the hurt of this news sitting in her stomach, her first priority is Harumasa.

So she says:] And I'll stay with you, 'til the last plane lands safely.

[life_ethereal]

[Harumasa hears their approach, and his heart warms when Eous asks how he's feeling. So, he answers honestly.]

A little down, a lot tired, but I'm doing okay all things considered.

[After that, he sits in the silence with his Proxy. It's a lot to process, and he knows that Belle's going to put him first before her own feelings. Harumasa considers opening up that box of hurt to unpack with her, but he doesn't know if that's truly the right call to make in this moment.

Before he can make that decision, Belle speaks up and he listens. Harumasa's a little surprised, but his expression is softened by fondness. The young man moves a little closer to her in the desire to let her know that he's still here. He's still alive and okay.]

Sounds like a promise, partner. I can swear to that.

[In the end, perhaps it's better to let her unpack this on her own time. Or until Harumasa needs to step in before she hurts herself. For now, he'll share the sunlight with her and smile.]

I won't be your Joseph. I know you won't let me anyway, of course~. But... wherever this plane lands, I'm glad you're with me for the flight.

[imperfectfifth]

[Zephyr eventually shows up, and he has a little friend tucked under his arm. When he sees Haru there, he wordlessly comes up to him and offers a small orange tiger plushie. It's even on a keychain so he can't lose it!]

I saw this on the way and thought of you.