UN: Zodiac | Midmonth Post

[kaisoumods]

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: Libra App
WHEN: March 14th
WHAT: Zodiac Network Post
WARNINGS: None!

[We've reached the second half of March. While the wind gusts are still blustering, the weather has now finally warmed up where once could safely describe it as spring. In fact, some green is even starting to sprout in areas. Long gone is the snow and ice, even if the nights are still chilly. And even better, the black hole on the edge of town has cleared up! Great!

Everyone's devices will emit a soothing wind chime sound as a new Zodiac post appears. The chime will sound even if you have your phone turned off or on silent, and will not stop until you read their messsage and comment to it.]



Fidelio, Basilio, Mollymauk, Luke, Hunter, Asch, Viktor, and MaoMao have joined the app. Say hi everyone!


Ardyn has left the app.

[The post then continues on as normal.]

Hello. Thank you for using the Libra App.

Why are there so many newbies this time? This gives me a bad feeling about the amount of overtime I'm going to need to do. Great.

Anyway, thanks for dealing with the Black Hole at the edge of town. Those weird gates are still around and the seers are getting increasingly frantic about the Fae coming- but at least ONE fire is out.

Speaking of the weird gates - we got information on those. Apparently the monsters in those are called Greed and they usually show up in places with a lot of bad stuff happens, but I guess the city and everyone's problems in this city has made that qualifier less important. Anyway, they like to show up when they sense a lot of strong negative emotions, so if you're going to break up with someone don't do it outside the barrier this month. I mean, unless you WANT them to get eaten by Greed...

EDIT: Because Janet can't identify a joke she's making me revise this- for legal reasons, Zodiac is not advising you have Greed eat your exes. Or coworkers. Happy?

But if you don't mind fighting monster and want to earn some quick cash, Zodiac will be happy to pay for any useful resources you find in the realm. Especially eggs, we'll pay top dollar for any eggs provided it won't hatch into a demon spawn. Not planning anything sinister, unless you count deviled eggs as such.

Bye.

[This is in fact the first time anyone has even heard that Jarry has someone in his life, including the Zodiac workers]


This post is sponsored by Atlantica Karaoke Bar! Got a song in your heart? Well just swim this way!

[Users will have the option to choose their own display names and user pics if they haven't already. If nothing is chosen, the app will use their real name and a quick photo taken of them from their camera's phone. Like always, there'll be no responses from Zodiac. And as always, feel free to keep backtagging the event logs!

The mid-month event log will be posted tomorrow! ]

Comments

voice; un: BirdspottingFan1

[clonizo]

Hello? Does that little light mean its-- Ah- hello!

[At the very least, the app users get to avoid Hunter's abysmal typing skills.]

Don't worry, Libra App Users-- because of my arrival here, you can rest assured that all the happenings in and around the gates will be taken care of in the most proper and professional manner.

If you just - you know - avoid the outskirts of the city, things should be fine. If you don't, well. You've been warned multiple times now, so either get really okay with being eaten by whatever monsters pop out or prepare to get a citation.

Someone should really be writing citations.

UN: Shroud | Voice

[whiteshroud]

[....Oh yeah, he forgot Hunter was a total narc. He didn't mind much back when he was a teenager but now here is a version of him, telling him not to fight Greed of all creatures...]

Good luck stopping me.

[clonizo]

[You know, once Hunter sees Shroud with the whole mask, coat, and voice combination, he’s going to think it’s so cool. That this is someone who gets the benefit of a cool mask and cape.

But right now, it’s just annoying.]

Hey, if you want to go get potentially eaten, that’s on you. [He is, after all, only supposed to be outright stopping normal, non-app citizens. The rest...... well, he’s an over-achiever?] Have fun, try to get swallowed whole so there’s less clean-up.

I will be making a note of it, though. I can send the write-up to your next of kin, maybe?

[whiteshroud]

[A "hmph"]

In that case, my next of kin is "Agent Gulliver"

He's a federal officer.

[He's a rabbit robot dressed like a fed]

voice; UN: Thorn

[poisontippedcure]

Because of your arrival? I see.

[She does not sound convinced.]

And what, pray tell, will the citation do?

[clonizo]

Well it’s not like anyone else’s arrival has fixed things, here. I just happen to have a background in, you know, enforcing plans. In organizations where plans happen.

[Because that’s not a weird way to put things.]

... not... much, right now. But it will be an official record of you going somewhere that may potentially end up becoming a restricted area.

un: ultimatelifeform

[revenge_guac]

On whose authority do you have any right to issue citations?

[This is a trick question, Shadow does not give a damn.]

[clonizo]

Thaaaaaaaaat’s... classified?

[Man, the lack of effort being put in to seeming trustworthy at all.]

Look, some people just need there to be a little authoritative threat so they don’t run off and get themselves killed. I’m performing a service, really.

UN: tithoes

[blueeyeswhitedoppelganger]

I've been partial to roaring at people, myself.

You do realize anyone who really needs the warning won't be on this app though right?

[clonizo]

Well— not everyone is a fighter, right? There’s teachers and entertainers or whatever on the app, too.

[He’s has, surprisingly enough, been doing some research]

Zodiac thinks it’s a worthwhile warning!

voice | un: kissmyash

[switchaxe]

Unless Hinoki or Albarea gave those orders--and I think I'd know if Albarea gave those orders--shut the fuck up, Hunter. Everyone here knows how to handle the shit in Kaisou just fine.

[clonizo]

That’s— I’m just doing my duty!

[Uh oh, he’s reaching shrieking territory already. Here come the shrill tones that definitely are going hand in hand with the flush of sheer embarrassment.]

From what I’ve seen, people on this app wander into danger or get kidnapped practically every other week!

text | un: kni

[ornamentals]

Is the purpose of these citations simply to keep you busy?

permavoice

[clonizo]

[Because he doesn’t have TIME to hit those stupid little fake buttons with his fingers in order to make text appear... voice it remains!]

No. It’s to provide documentation that at least some people aren’t taking warnings seriously.

Voice | UN: Malipo

[quit_ur_kiniching]

[Kinich has a headache and that headache's name is Hunter. Today, anyway. Usually it's named Junjaw.

...But he's also going to take the piss out of this in a fairly passive-aggressive way.]

Alright, I can be that "someone" writing citations... so long as I'm paid for it. I'm not doing a job that's outside of my duties as a Guardian for free.

[He doesn't do ANYTHING for free, but that's besides the point. The Order pays for him to do his duties generally.]

[clonizo]

I— ... wait, really?

[Someone… wants to help him? Someone is actually listening to him???

THIS IS A NEW, INCREDIBLE DEVELOPMENT.]

Sure! Um. I guess if you can send me your rates I can try to make sure something gets allocated— you’ll have to give me a day, maybe. I need to find someone who can print these all out, first.

Maybe... a thousand apiece, to start out with? The people here seem like they’d be repeat offenders.

un: X_GoldenSword_X

[orchidingold]

Jeez. How are you even dumber than before? You think citations are gonna stop any of these guys? They're nuts.

[clonizo]

I’ve... mostly given up on trying to stop the app users, at this point.

The citations are mostly just for my own record keeping.

voice; un: badnews

[whitestonelives]

I work with Zodiac. We wouldn't be asking them to go into these realms and fight monsters if we weren't sure they were entirely capable of looking after themselves in a fight.

Who's authorized you to write these citations? I shall go and speak with them, for threatening a profitable business relationship between the company and the app users.

[clonizo]

[Oh.

Ew.

Gross.

Business.]

... fine, okay, maybe “citation” isn’t the right word. But I am going to make a record of everyone who goes in and out, just to make sure no one’s using these gates inappropriately.

That should keep business going, right?

text | un: sinnoh

[blessed_bonds]

What format of citation? MLA, APA, or one of the other styles?

[Not... Not that type of citation, Arceus...]

permavoice!

[clonizo]

IIiiiiiiii’ve kind of moved away from citations. Mostly. For this.

... I didn’t realize there were styles, though. I thought citations were just citations. Where do they use the “mm-lah”?

[This boy has never quoted a book in his life]

voice: un: bar_cat75

[wiseoldbartender]

[OH no. Hunter's here.]

Jesus fuck, Kid. What have I told you about needing to unclench? You should be fucking around and doing dumb shit with friends at your age. Your twenties'll be gone before you know it.

I promise you Ayato ain't gonna give you a gold star for fucking off half the city, day one.

[clonizo]

[CONFUSION]

... my twenties will be gone in eight years and three months no matter what I do?

[You know, unless he dies.]

I don't even know what "fucking off" anything means. [He's repeating "fucking" like he's literally never said it out loud before.] Buuuuuut just for the hypothetical of it... do you think he has gold stars?

text; un: sk8rboi

[thirteenth]

I don't think this app likes narcs.