UN: Zodiac | Happy February!

[kaisoumods]

WHO: Everyone!
WHERE: Libra App
WHEN: February 1st
WHAT: Zodiac Network Post
WARNINGS: None!

[While it's still winter, the deep chill of January starts to fade away as the month rolls into February. In the sky, the spirit vein shifts to hues of brilliant fire: reds, oranges, yellows and whites. Everyone's devices will emit a soothing wind chime sound as a new Zodiac post appears. The chime will sound even if you have your phone turned off or on silent, and will not stop until you read their message and comment to it.]



Jax, Harumasa, and Shadow have joined the app. Say hi everyone!


Juri Han has left the app.

[The post then continues on.]

Hello and thank you for using the Libra app.

Happy February everyone! Isn't it nice that we're finally getting some warmer weather? That cold blast is always so brutal! Thanks to everyone who helped resolve that issue before the city froze- I know my heating bill really appreciates it!

That said, we have an exciting announcement! With Valentine's Day on the horizon, we know so many of you have special people in your lives that you want to show how much you care! As such, Zodiac is running a special Candy Gram service through the month! For the low price of $4.99, Zodiac employees will deliver Valentine's messages to your special person of choice! Whether you want to send them chocolates, flowers, balloons, a lovely serenade, a special gift - we'll be happy to provide to you! We have endless customization options, allowing you to express your love in whatever way you feel fit!

And don't worry, we're not using a third party delivery service for these candy grams! Rather, the deliveries will be happily done by the very Zodiac employees that have been providing you great direct communication on this app! If you have a specific one you wish to choose, then you can do so! Whichever Zodiac employee gets commissioned for the MOST candygram deliveries that are SUCCESSFULLY delivered will be awarded an extra two weeks of PTO and an all-expense paid weekend at the Amat Hot Springs Resort! So don't feel any guilt when ordering a candygram today!

That's all for now! Have a month full of love!


[During the month of February, the Zodiac app will have a feature that'll let you order a Candy Gram. These candygram will deliver to anyone else on the app by zodiac employees. They are extremely customizable with options such as balloons, flowers, boxes of chocolates, song performances, letters that get read out loud, etc etc. The only thing that's not allowed it anything that'd cause physical harm to the delivery person or the recipient (so no weapons).]


This post is sponsored by the Poundland! Treat your Valentine with our premium line of savings!

[Users will have the option to choose their own display names and userpics if they haven't already. If nothing is chosen, the app will use their real name and a quick photo taken of them from their camera's phone.

OOC Note: If you haven't responded to AC, you still have until 11:59am EST today to do so! Once you do, you'll be removed from this post.

ETA: If you wish to write out the candygram order, the Zodiac employees can a text in this format:
<span style="font-family:courier new;"><i>Great News [ZODIAC EMPLOYEE NAME]! You've been personally commissioned for a candygram! [BUYER'S NAME, CAN BE ANON] has requested you bring a [OBJECT BEING SENT] to <b>[RECEIVER'S NAME]</b>! [INCLUDE FURTHER DETAILS OF THE CANDYGRAM HERE]. Please be sure to complete this order within the next 48 hours! Have a lovely day!</i></span>]

Comments

text

[thewarriorqueen]

$4.99 sounds suspiciously cheap even if I did actually want to do something like that. I though these guys were all about unrealistic price gouging.

text: un: darkSlayer

[kowase]

From a business standpoint; if it's that cheap, it means that whatever it contains isn't worth the price.
Either what they're selling is cheaply made garbage, or it's illicit.

text: UN:idontcare

[jaxoff]

Genuinely why are you like this.

text, un: wanyin

[fouren]

What kind of question is that?

text: UN:idontcare

[jaxoff]

She wants to know if you're into vore.

text; un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

Why does it need to be that elaborate? You can just send a letter and be done with it.

text: un: The Duke

[loupmorque]

From my limited knowledge and Googling, it seems that Valentines Day is a holiday where sometimes people like to compete or go 'all out' to try to show up one another with the gifts they got for their partners.

In short: Capitalism.

un: shineon; text

[onahairtrigger]

So, I got a little inspired by the holiday and I've got some Valentine's themed stickers for sale!

[A photo has been added of the stickers--designs include a pair of Luvdisc kissing, a Tandemaus decked out in red and pink and holding a chocolate heart, and a pair of Applin, one regular and one shiny, with text below that reads "You're the applin of my eye!". The regular colored Applin seems to be winking.]

As with the Pride Vivillons before (which are still available), these are PWYW for app users.

text, un: greyhunt

[faenthras]

Hello Janet darling, hope your week has been well. I know you won't answer this but I know you'll at least read it! Trinket absolutely loved visiting and has taken such a shine to you in particular. He sends his love!

[ she attaches a photo of Trinket to the post as well, looking up at her with big wide eyes and the most adorable expression. ]

I doubt candygrams is a part of their job descriptions, but if they're going to honor the PTO and the trip to hot springs...

[ is Vex planning on abusing the pre-established system to get Percy some PTO so they can go on a vacation? yes, yes she is. ]

un: tm149

[goodolrika]

Look at that absolutely precious face~ Gotta say, I hope you'll bring Trinket by the office again sometime! :)

text; un: allin

[neverchanged]

Janet is the equivalent of a linty half-melted root beer barrel that has been stuck in someone's pocket for ten years

text: UN:idontcare

[jaxoff]

It also has one, single hair stuck to it. It is not the colour of your own hair. Who's hair is it? It's a mystery.

text | un: laluna

[crisantemo]

i don't think i trust chocolates from poundland

i've seen the things they've sold there

[meanwhile in Johto]

[medicgunner]

[why does she suddenly want to start shouting?]

text; un: badnews

[whitestonelives]

If someone wants to buy my time for a candy-gram, I feel as though I must inform you that the only modern-day dance move I know is the running man. And I am not waltzing with your recipient.

[faenthras]

Not even for me, darling??

Text | UN: makeitaventi

[venti_late]

Yes yes yes that's an icebreaker from yours truly but enough about Zodiac!
This is about like two or three months ago
Let me take you guys on a journey
O Muse bless this post for the wild ride I'm about to put everyone I know and DON'T know through!

My cute and darling sprites, do you know the one thing that's absolutely irresistible to me?
Other than Zhongli, the lizard doesn't count 💖
It's limited edition wines!
I love to collect them and have a taste of something truly unique!
Everything about the experience has to make you feel like it's special
And I also feel that the bottles those wines come in should be collector's items!
Decent quality at the very least, something you can proudly display as a piece of art in and of itself!
And so, dear reader, I'm taking you back in time with me to November 2024
This... is the Folly of Novelty

Back in November, the fast food pizza delivery chain restaurant, Pizza Hut, announced a new, limited edition pizza wine
It was a tomato wine instead of a grape wine that they claimed could replicate the taste of a classic pizza
It was only going to be sold for a limited time as a holiday treat
So, intrigued, I bought two of these wines for an interesting experiment!
The first bottle would be tasted on its own to get an idea of the flavor profile
The second would be to see how well the flavor would develop if it was allowed to age!
Now, dear reader, I shall show you what they advertised the wine to look like
The bottle looks absolutely horrid, but look at the color on the wine in the glass!
So I'm cautiously optimistic
Perhaps this won't taste as bad!
Oh, dear reader, how wrong I was
Obviously, you're supposed to be able to pair this wine with Pizza Hut pizza, so I did order one
I have to be fair, you know?
I uncork the bottle and let it breathe for about 10-15 minutes, which is pretty standard for most wines
I even had Zhongli join me for a taste!
Dear reader, I poured it out and it looked like raspberry ginger ale it was so pale pink
Highly disappointing, I was really hoping for that lovely red color
Anyway, Zhong and I each take a sip of the wine, and I'll let my lovely fiance tell you in one, elegant word how it tasted:
"Repugnant."
Poetry!
Honestly, though, it tasted SO strongly of oregano that I couldn't tell you literally anything about what the other tasting notes were
For the sake of my readers, however, I will try
Simply put, it tasted nothing like alcohol and more like tomato water with way too much oregano with hints of garlic and basil!
It definitely didn't taste like pizza, which, again, highly disappointing
0/10 all around so far
I'm left with just a hideous bottle and a terrible travesty done to this tomato wine
But, dear reader, you remember when I said that I wished to try it aged?
Well, as it turned out, yours truly very recently discovered I could age things by about a decade at a time!
So what better way to practice than by speeding up the aging process on this wine?!
I aged it up by 80 years using my Shadow magic and we tried it again to see if there was a difference
Again, our favorite grandfather gave me the perfect word to describe the taste:
"Nightmarish."
Truly elegant~! You see why I want to marry this man 💘
In my estimation, I would say it's a -5/10
I don't think you can even get drunk off of this stuff

Thus concludes the Folly of Novelty
I suffered through this horrid drink so that you don't have to
Oh, yes, also Husk
If you want the "wine," you can have it only if Lapis and Jinwoo say it's okay~!
I'm not sure how well this will go for cats to consume I'm gonna be level with you

text | un: kissmyash

[switchaxe]

oma why the fuck

text; un: AUO

[throwmoreswords]

im not reading all of that and you have to pay me to perform for your fetish content

what the fuck is pizza wine

text, un: devilhunt

[advivo]

who told you
who cursed gil with this knowledge

was it verge??

text; un; ndwolfwood

[asipofbride]

hey uhhh
how do you get someone's attention on this stupid ass platform again
the boss is making me post publicly
he says i can't go home until his brother meets him for an honor duel
he taped me to a chair

can someone tell vash he's probably cooking tonight
the fuck did you people do while i was moving couches

un: devilhunter

[advivo]

are you serious??
that's a low blow using my own damn husband against me

text | un: silhouetto

[threebetrayals]

you people are inherently fucked up

un: ultimatelifeform

[revenge_guac]

I don't respect a single person here.

text; un: DOINK!!!

[tonberrykin]

I'VE GOT THIRTY DOLLARS AND DON'T KNOW WHAT SHAME FEELS LIKE DO YOU GUYS DO DANCES

[actnormal]

Ghilley no be nice to the poor Zodiac employees

un: shadowsword; text

[rupturingheaven]

I have so many questions and I want answers to absolutely none of them.

text; un: fourseasons

[consonanter]

Oh, good. I'm not the only one who has absolutely no idea about what any of this is.

un: wilder | text

[wilder]

Aw, look at Zodiac spreading love and not greed for once! How sweet.

Anyway, as I am the master of love, I'm going to be generous! If you want to send a candygram to your dearest desires, but can't afford the cost- just let me know! I'll happily fund up to $100 in candygrams for each person, in the name of love! 💖

[No he just wants to terrorize zodiac employees. He knows what he's doing]

text | un: shinope | private on some service not Libra

[killerapp]

can you do me a favor and make sure the "Jax" guy suffers. hes the reason i got cursed with cat traits.

Text | UN: ghostking

[deathdiduspart]

ok first off
fuck whatever Janet just told you guys about the candygrams
I don't do romantic gestures for other people tyvm

instead I'm giving you the option to send a spitegram through me
get as petty as you want, I'll do it
yeah yeah yeah, love and flowers and whatever for February
that doesn't mean that you can't be spiteful and petty this month

text; un: doordasher

[doublethumbsup]

man
who hurt u?

video | un: 520blazeit

[goldace]

[Ace, looking up through a mouthful of instant ramen, a chef mouse squeaking up a storm angrily behind him--]

$4.99???? Man-- I'll deliver flowers, chocolates, and read poetry for two dollars!

[Just gonna SLURP up those noodles as he digs into his pocket and holds up a card to his phone ]



Cheap and mostly reliable!

UN: Shroud | Video

[whiteshroud]

[Hello Ace. It's Shroud. Did you think he forgot?]

Will you also deliver the payment you owe me?

video; un: belleoftheboulevard

[greatlydares]

So, uh, hey, guys? I'd love to answer your icebreaker question, but I have a more pressing one.

[She turns the camera from her gobsmacked face to show Eous racing off like a bullet out of a gun toward an incredibly large and fancy mansion, yelling all the while.]

...is suddenly getting a mansion like. Normal?

Also, wow, I'm gonna have to really expand the stock of videos Random Play has, there's so much room on the ground floor for the business.

voice

[switchaxe]

Yeah, that happens sometimes. Nice place.

text; un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

So I picked up one of those magical spherical stones from the Goodwill—yes, I'm aware, don't pick up more magical rocks from the Goodwill, but I had gloves on—and now I'm.

Hold on it might best for me to show it.

[And a picture of Edward wearing this outfit can be seen. He has, in fact, very nice tattoos, with a new one around his navel that looks like a spade, like you'd see on a deck of cards, but he also looks a bit disgruntled. Hanging off his hip is what looks like—a deck of cards?]

How do you deactivate the thing? I'd ordinarily appreciate the clothes, but it's bloody cold and I want my robes back. I go out like this, I'm bound to freeze my fingers off.

text

[prunedworlds]

maybe figure out what activated it and try to reverse that??

text; un: doordasher

[doublethumbsup]

we have a bunny now?

text: UN:idontcare

[jaxoff]

Some might say the bunny has you.

text; un: X_GoldenSword_X; feb 10

[orchidingold]

[All right, let's see what's going on with this app—]

—are you guys all just lunatics? [This is the group that took down the old Black Order's leaders? Good grief.]