text; un: doordasher

[doublethumbsup]

WHO: Hermes
WHERE: Network: Libra
WHEN: LATE ONE NIGHT
WHAT: Hermes has questions
WARNINGS:

ok i have questions
very serious
the MOST serious

so
here goes

1. Does a straw have one hole or two?

2. If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

3. Do crabs think that fish can fly?

4. Why do we call it a building if it's already built?

5. Do you think our pets name US?

important questions!!

Comments

text; un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

1. One.
2. Who's James Bond, and if he's so famous for being a spy, why hasn't he been fired or even killed?
3. Do you think crabs believe us to be giants?
4. Because occasionally someone will get it into their head they ought to add more to it, so once again they end up building more of their building.
5. Yes, and I can prove it, my chef rat Bonnet has a name for me.

[doublethumbsup]

1. ok but theres a top and a bottom so

2. omg!! hes like this super spy guy in about five hundred movies and he really really likes shaking martinis

3. dude i think crabs are like - super scared of us
we r like crab boogiemen

4. but then its still BUILT tho???

5. what no way how do u kno!!!

[jackdawvision]

1. Yes, but, crucially: it's a straight line from one end of the hole to the other. Even if it's one of those curly straws.

2. If he has movies about himself and even some arsehole on the Internet knows he likes shaken martinis, then he is a spectacular failure at his job. Why would anyone keep him around? Best to fire the fellow so he doesn't bring more embarrassment onto his employers.

3. We cannot possibly be that scary, they're brave enough to try and snap our fingers off when we pick them up.

4. Part of it's already built, they're just adding new parts. Or they think to add new parts.

5. Because I can talk to rats.

[doublethumbsup]

1. but ?????????

2. ok a) hurtful im not an asshole dude im just bored at 3am
b) they still call him the best spy ever so im curious

3. maybe they're just angry lil dudes

4. lets rename them
builts

5. wait

wait
wait
WAIT
FOR REAL???

[prunedworlds]

1. one hole but two ends!

2. only if he gets caught

3. aren't there some crabs that swim or something too??

4. I dunno english is kinda weird isn't it?

5. probably

[doublethumbsup]

1. ... I GUESS?

2. ok but like
he gets caught
and theres lasers or death traps and stuff

3. THERE ARE???????

4. ugh thats what i was worried someone was gonna say

5. what do u think they name us

[prunedworlds]

1. it's a hole that comes out to another hole! but that means it's basically the same hole

2. yeah but if he wins in the end then it sort of counts as like not getting caught doesn't it?

3. I think so? like I'm pretty sure I saw a video once where there was one swimming in it

4. in japanese it's just 建物 which kinda makes more sense I think

5. probably stuff like "the one who's nice to sleep on" and "the guy who has bacon"

[doublethumbsup]

1. DUDE thats TWO HOLES THEN

2. he does win but like
he keeps getting caught!!
and the bad guys know his face and stuff

3. nature is awesome

4. whaaaaat does that mean?

5. lol yeah ok that makes sense

text | un: sinnoh

[blessed_bonds]

1. A straw is one long hole, and you decide which end is the top.

2. James Bond isn't just one spy, but the title given to the worst spy in England at a given time. My theory is that they keep him around as a distraction.

3. Not all fish, but some, I'm sure.

4. Because English Englishes based on vibes. I try not to think about it.

5. Yes.

[doublethumbsup]

OMG HI IDOL LLAMA ARCEUS HI

1. even bendy straws??? theres the bendy part and thats like usually in ur mouth

2. ... wow you ARE an idol ur so smart

3. what kinda fish isnt flying then?

4. ugh ok then the vibes suuuuuuck

[blessed_bonds]

Hello again, Hermes.

1. Yes, because you can choose to put the other end in your mouth for fun.

2. Thank you. I hope I get the chance to introduce you to my friend, Oak, sometime. He's even smarter than I am.

3. Apparently there are very flat fish that live on the bottom of the sea. I don't remember what they're called.

4. Terrible vibes. That's why I try not to think about it.

text | un: chaosraccoon

[actnormal]

1. infinite holes

2. not if it's just a title they give certain spies to confuse people

3. yes

4. English is weird?

5. 100%

[doublethumbsup]

1. dude no thats
what kind of straws do u USE?

2. i guess that kinda explains why he always looks different

[actnormal]

normal ones? it's just infinite holes!

text; un: absolutenumber

[mediocrites]

1. Topologically speaking, it has one hole. The mathematical work done to define what a "hole" actually is in quantifiable terms is quite interesting if you care enough to look it up.

2. The habit of going around giving his real name out when asked for it would seem to undermine his ability to keep secrets, wouldn't it?

3. I don't see why not.

4. For the same reason a shaving is already shaved and a drawing is already drawn: English builds nouns out of verbs.

5. I can confirm that my partner's pets have nicknames for us. [Ratio, the catcakes are smart enough to understand language, that probably doesn't count.]

[doublethumbsup]

1. ... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what

2. well yah so why does everyone call him the 'greatest spy' or whatever ??

3. cool!

4. oh
gross ur right i super dont like that. its like parking in ur driveway kinda thing

5. dude awesome for real???

[mediocrites]

[A test of his teaching skills! Let's see if he can simple wikipedia this enough to make himself understood.]

1. The first thing you need to understand the answer to that question is "what is a hole?" Mathematicians worked together to decide on one answer that would fit as many shapes as possible.

The easiest way to show how many holes are in an object is to count how many times you can cut it without breaking it into pieces. A straw can be cut open once - from one end to the other - and it will still be in one piece, but if you then cut it again, you'll have multiple pieces no matter what. So, a straw has one hole.

2. Logically, I suppose all the other spies in that world would have to be even worse.

5. According to him, at least. He doesn't translate what they say for me very often, but he can understand them.

Text: UN:hotgoss

[bebest]

Oh my goose, I love these!!!!

1. Two holes! IDK what everyone else is talking about, but they are obvi two different holes. The middle part is, like, the STRAW TUNNEL.
2. I'd say he's bad at it but honestly, given how many women he sleeps with, I'm amazed he can't be tracked by his herpes trail or something.
3. My friend has a crab, I wonder if she could tell us? I'm gonna have to ask!
4. You are SO right why CAN'T we call them builts?
5. P.sure my cats have some nasty-ass names for me given the DAGGERS they throw at me every time I enter the room.

[doublethumbsup]

dude ur awesome

1. YES OK OMG - i kinda feel bad but one guy is talking about math stuff and i dont know what the heck hes saying

2. eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww did u have to go there?

3. omg report back my dude!!

4. BUILTS that makes so much more sense man!!! everyones saying 'oh english is weird' well lets make it NOT weird.

5. awww that kinda sucks i was hoping for stuff like 'best buddy'

[bebest]

I KNOW! Truer words have never been spoken, ask anyone!

1. He's a math gay, there's a lot of math gays here. They love math.

2. I HAD TO it was RIGHT there.

3. I will I promise, Babe!

4. Let's RECLAIM it! It's ours now!!!

5. Nah, my cats haaaaaate me. They love my bf tho and he deserves it, so it's ok.

text: un:kore

[aslowburn]

✅ Read

[doublethumbsup]

[YOU LOVE THEM, PERSE.]

text: un: Mr.ColdFeet

[anyprice]

[ this is what he needs
chaos. ]

1. two holes. you can make more holes by cutting the straw into pieces. infinite hole possibilities. holebilities.

2. that's the thing about being a famous spy maybe you're famous but if you get SO famous when you see him coming youre like surely not james bond is after me then by the time you realise he is its too late and you're full of bulletholes or youre becoming one of his ladyloves who inevitably dies for the narrative

3. crabs don't think they just exist to enact as much violence as possible and then they die

4. because buildings are never really finished being built have you noticed that any building you go into there's always something being refurbished or getting upgraded or fixed?

5. absolutely id like to think my pets have a funny name for me like The Loud One or The Hand That Feeds or something like that

[doublethumbsup]

1. OMG
THANK YOU everybody keeps saying its 1 hole but if it only had 1 hole then how do you get the drink???

2. maybe... that kinda makes more sense
why do all his girlfriends die too
maybe he should date a guy maybe he'd live

3. but
but hermit crabs
theyre so cute

4. uhhhhhh noooot really
i kinda spent a lot of time somewhere that didnt get updated a whole lot

5. aw hand that feeds is cute dude

[anyprice]

the tunnel between point a and point b are just between the two holes!!! I totally get you! 100%!!

And its for the narrative!!! every story needs like
~drama~
and whats more dramatic than your new woman dying and having this streak of never being able to get close to anyone because they always die.

hermit crabs are especially violent
theyre cute when theyre alone but get two in one tank? when one gets bigger than the other its cannibal town USA ready to happen

also thats so sad
do you not travel a lot? I love travelling.

and I'd want something like that or
idk name me after the masks from that theatre thing
🎭🎭🎭
did you know they actually have names?