text: UN:idontcare

[jaxoff]

[A new day, another new soul brought onto the Zodiac app whether they like it or not. UN:idontcare is online flashes up as the fresh meat checks out what has appeared on his phone.]

Oh, fk no.

[Great start to a new person on the app. What's with the censor bar? Who knows! There's no more text for a while, but within five minutes of the comment, a link appears: CLICK ME: I'M A PRESENT.. Go on. Click it. It's a present.

UN:idontcare is online/offline keeps flashing up. Sometimes some code appears on the screen, only to vanish again. It's as if someone is doing their level fucking best to get this app off their phone. After about an hour, he relents.]

Fine, whatever. I'll keep the stupid app. Who knows, maybe I'll get some kicks watching you freaks up close. Seen as I'm stuck here, how about I give you a traditional Zodiac Employee hello:



Don't clamour all at once, I know you're DYING to answer this one :)

Comments

text | un: shinope

[killerapp]

oh fuck no fuck you

[jaxoff]

[Give him a minute to place you, Yuuki. This could be a response from literally anyone ever.]

...

Heeeeeeey, I know you! You're the troutsniffer that tried to hack into Zodiac. Thanks for getting me a permanent job, Chuckles. Tell me, enquiring minds have gotta know: does everybody wanna be a cat?

[killerapp]

jokes on you asshole i am living my best life

[And blocked!]

[jaxoff]

Wow, rude.

[No, he hates this, don't enjoy his bullshit!!! ]

text, un: greyhunt

[faenthras]

Having a spot of trouble there, darling?

[jaxoff]

What can I say? It always finds me. It's magical, really.

[faenthras]

Pretty sure that isn't something to be proud of, but I can't really judge.

[jaxoff]

If you're not proud of it, then you're just doing it wrong. You can make it an art form if you try hard enough!

text; un: photocutie

[trailblazingspirit]

Hey! It's the grumpy guy who makes half the official Zodiac posts!

[jaxoff]

...

You know what? Sure. I'm Jarry. You got me! My life is a perpetual cycle of misery because I stood in for Janet once and everyone formed a parasocial bond with me against my wishes.

[trailblazingspirit]

Haha, I knew it! Oh, your name's Jarry? It's nice to meet you, I'm March 7th! And I don't think it's as bad as you think, everyone's generally pretty friendly, from my own experience.

[jaxoff]

Sure is. It's like Larry, but less cool.

...Like. The date?

[Something trickles into the back of his mind that this isn't the weirdest name he's heard, an echo of a memory, but for now he's just gonna. Ignore that. If he doesn't think about the past life memory nonsense, he won't remember it, right? ]

I have heard you guys are full of the kumbay-ya-yas. I'm looking forward to setting that on fire. Gotta keep you weirdos on your toes.

text; allin; private

[neverchanged]

[Aventurine does the nice thing and actually sends him a DM with a link to Gemini, the open source and non shitty equivalent.]

The city people came together and said "screw this noise" and made their own app, by the way

You might want this so you can talk somewhere without the possibility of SPERM reading everything

private

[jaxoff]

[ You know, normally Jax wouldn't trust random links to anything from most people. But he LIKES Aven... as much as a close approximation of "liking" another person Jax can muster anyway. ]

No way! I think the guy who runs it hates me because I got him cursed so he'd never let me on it, but look at that! You've been so nice to me and given me a link and everything. So kind! I'll remember this day.

[Why did you do this to everyone, Aven? Why? ]

I think she did this to me for swapping her sub last week. Sorry you ate saracha instead of rach, Janet. Just trying to give you some flavour in your life, wow.

private forever;

[neverchanged]

You're just dealing with Catboy E*** M***, it's not that big of a deal. He'll probably grow out of the script kiddie phase soon enough

Anyway, just think of it as a favor paid in advance. I know you'll entertain me and make it just a little worse for Janet. With that on the line, why wouldn't I give you an exclusive invitation?

If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them on Gemini. Same username

[jaxoff]

He's trying so hard to be edgy, it's adorable.

You KNOW I'll always bring the fun. [It's not what the vast majority of people would call "fun" but that's not his problem! ] I'm gonna make her life so miserable. It's fine, she needs it. Keeps her on her toes.

Duly noted! I will absolutely make you regret this.

text: un: TheDuke

[loupmorque]

If you work with the guy who makes the pointless icebreakers, aren't you worried he'll see this and you'll get one of those 'stern office place talks' for insubordination?

[jaxoff]

Pffft, nah. That's Janet and she's been trying to get rid of me for YEARS. I'm too good at my job, they'll never get rid of me. She's just gonna have to stay mad!

[loupmorque]

Ah, so it's sort of like malicious compliance, then. You're good at your job so you get away with mouthing off...

Honestly, were I to work for Zodiac, I may well do the same thing.

text

[prunedworlds]

Welcome to the app, I guess?

Seems like a lot of you guys are ending up on here lately, huh.

[jaxoff]

Thanks! I categorically do not want to be here.

What? Zodiac? I mean, when YOUR corporation was shown to be run by demons seeking out eternal life who got publicly trounced, you'd wanna try and show good by have a...

Outreach programme?

I don't care enough to remember what Janet calls it. I'm gonna assume they ticked the wrong box getting me on here, but that's a them problem.

[prunedworlds]

Pretty sure you're not the only person who doesn't want to be here, if that helps?

Oh is that what it's supposed to be? I just figured that they didn't know what they were doing.

text | un: et_machina

[deusversusmachina]

Oh. It's you.

A word of advice. Some of the people on this app are gods. For your sake, try not to piss them off.

[Not that she wouldn't kick his ass herself if the occasion arose, but gods aren't usually known for, y'know, proportionate retribution.]

[jaxoff]

It's me!!

...

Well, now I've gotta go annoy a god, now you've said THAT. I've never annoyed a god before. That'll be fun.

[He's gonna DO IT. ]

[deusversusmachina]

...

I won't stop you. If you get turned into mint or trampled though, I reserve the right to say I told you so.