★// bad luck charm

[scourgingstars]

WHO: Ardyn + open
WHERE: Blue Fish park
WHEN: Late January, after the Bladening.
WHAT: Ardyn begins to wonder if he hates his job.
WARNINGS: the antichrist has a temper

[One out and about in the cold weather around Blue Fish Park might catch the sounds of someone particularly agitated-]

-'erroneous report', what the hell are you talking about?!

[The source of this was everyone's least favorite Black Order Guardian, engaged in an argument over the phone in his hand and accompanied by a weird-looking dog hopping up on a park bench.]

The assignment specified 'champions of the sun' and 'crystalline souls', of course he fit the criteria! I explicitly outlined-- [. . .] Well, if they had 'specific individuals in mind', maybe they should provide an actual list and stop giving mission details in godsdamned verse!

[Another pause, in which Ardyn listened to what was likely a very strained and impatient explanation while developing an unpleasant twitch in his eye. The Absol, meanwhile, tilted her head as if considering something...then quickly jumped down from the park bench to circle around and sit down behind Ardyn.]

You must be joking. The first time in centuries I bother to try delivering results, and I'm either suspected of incompetence or insanity--for the last time, Ravus, I did not 'imagine' Zhongli--gods, forget it, you're as useless as ever. If the administration doesn't care for my report, so be it; they can take it up with me themselves instead of sending their yapping little lapdog as messenger!

[With that, Ardyn whipped the phone against the ground with an impressive lack of hesitation; it shattered into pieces on contact, and on impulse threw his right hand forward--hope no one liked that particular park bench, because it went up in a short burst of flame and left only cinders in a matter of seconds. Good thing Absols have an incredible sense for disaster.]

[Coworkers, right?]

Comments

[scourgingstars]

If only sealing was quite so simple. Powers, memories--why, for someone like me they'd be likely to cause quite a lot of damage. The person I am now may not even exist by the time they're finished, which I'm sure to most would be a vast improvement.

No, I think I'm quite far into the sunk cost fallacy here, Noct. I would not expect you to comprehend the sweeping scale of that which is at stake, living the way you have.

[illucesco]

The hell, they found a way to make it worse? [He was just kidding about Men in Black and now he’s alarmed on Ardyn’s and the rest of the Order’s behalf. What the fuck.]

Christ, Ardyn, there’s a reason they call it a fallacy—it isn’t too late to get out of the pit you’re digging for yourself, despite how far in you’ve gotten already. You found out there’s a way to leave recently, yeah? Why not take it? [He breathes out, frustrated. Jesus Christ, every time.] And stop talking to me like I’m some kid who doesn’t get what the grown-ups are talking about, just because last month I didn’t know daemons even existed. I’m thirty years old, I can manage understanding the scale.

[scourgingstars]

You have no idea how deep the metaphorical pit goes. No, I'm afraid there's no getting out of this one until I inevitably outlive even the Order itself.

[He laughed, a low and cold sound with no actual humor to it.]

You think thirty years is a long time?

[illucesco]

Yeah? Enlighten me, then.

[The same voice, ringing in his head: You think ten years is a long time?

Almost distantly:] Longer than ten years. Or twenty.

[scourgingstars]

Glad to know you can count, that's a start. Why don't we try somewhere in the low thousands?

[illucesco]

[That does knock him for a loop. Low thousands, Christ. He probably did meet Christ now that Noctis thinks about it.]

You’ve lived a couple thousand years, [he says, digesting this and still reeling a little,] and instead of putting all that experience, you’re going to stay in the Order that treats you like shit because—why? You’ve been there too long? It’s the only place you can take your skillset to?

[A beat.]

Look. As someone who also spent way too fucking long at a place that just ground me down? You deserve better than that. You’re an ass and a half, but you still deserve better than that.

[scourgingstars]

[You claim to know me-]

You don't know a godsdamned thing about what I deserve. Why does anyone suddenly care about what I do with my life? There's nowhere else I have right now but the Order, and at this rate all I have to do to avoid sealing is wait until the whole organization collapses.

[illucesco]

It isn't about what you specifically deserve! Nobody should be treated like crap by their higher-ups, and that includes immortal daemon hunting Guardians, is that so hard to believe?

[Well, at least he rolled remarkably well with learning about Ardyn being very, very old.]

Also, a few thousand years, and the only place you have is the Order? That isn't fair to you, that isn't fair to anyone. What are you gonna do when it does finally collapse? Take up with another shady organization?

[scourgingstars]

Who knows? Who cares, because none of this matters! The Order will fall like everything always does, and wherever I end up is simply wherever will serve my purposes.

[illucesco]

And what purpose is that? Or are you just so old and bored you’ll put up with any shit as long as there’s variety?

[scourgingstars]

Well, something like that, yes. I rather thought it painfully obvious.

[illucesco]

Most people take up hobbies when they get bored, you know. Like knitting. Felting. Tabletop gaming. Don’t you have one? Or a hundred?

[scourgingstars]

Imagine mastering a dozen such things and finding fulfillment in none. It's a miserable existence, really. One turns to assassination just to keep things exciting.