★// bad luck charm

[scourgingstars]

WHO: Ardyn + open
WHERE: Blue Fish park
WHEN: Late January, after the Bladening.
WHAT: Ardyn begins to wonder if he hates his job.
WARNINGS: the antichrist has a temper

[One out and about in the cold weather around Blue Fish Park might catch the sounds of someone particularly agitated-]

-'erroneous report', what the hell are you talking about?!

[The source of this was everyone's least favorite Black Order Guardian, engaged in an argument over the phone in his hand and accompanied by a weird-looking dog hopping up on a park bench.]

The assignment specified 'champions of the sun' and 'crystalline souls', of course he fit the criteria! I explicitly outlined-- [. . .] Well, if they had 'specific individuals in mind', maybe they should provide an actual list and stop giving mission details in godsdamned verse!

[Another pause, in which Ardyn listened to what was likely a very strained and impatient explanation while developing an unpleasant twitch in his eye. The Absol, meanwhile, tilted her head as if considering something...then quickly jumped down from the park bench to circle around and sit down behind Ardyn.]

You must be joking. The first time in centuries I bother to try delivering results, and I'm either suspected of incompetence or insanity--for the last time, Ravus, I did not 'imagine' Zhongli--gods, forget it, you're as useless as ever. If the administration doesn't care for my report, so be it; they can take it up with me themselves instead of sending their yapping little lapdog as messenger!

[With that, Ardyn whipped the phone against the ground with an impressive lack of hesitation; it shattered into pieces on contact, and on impulse threw his right hand forward--hope no one liked that particular park bench, because it went up in a short burst of flame and left only cinders in a matter of seconds. Good thing Absols have an incredible sense for disaster.]

[Coworkers, right?]

Comments

[illucesco]

[Noctis is having a pretty good time, all things considered. He’s set himself up for some ice fishing, sitting on a little plastic stool and just kinda concentrating on the fishing line, watching for the moment that it twitches. He doesn’t even hear the phone shattering not too far from him, nor the sound of a park bench bursting into flame.

He does hear Fluvius’s agitated shouts, but that’s because the little guy immediately and frantically smacks his knee to get his attention, and Noctis looks back to see a bench on fire, and, oh whaddaya know, it’s Ardyn.

He just blinks at him. Then at the bench. Then slowly gives a bemused wave.]

[scourgingstars]

WHAT.

[Ah, the siren sound of someone on his absolute last nerve.]

[illucesco]

…uh, good to see you too?

[Well, that’s complicated, but also he’s literally just. He’s just fishing here.]

…nice dog.

[scourgingstars]

Is it, because I certainly can't say the same.

[The Absol thumped her tail on the ground a couple times, largely unfazed by her furious partner.]

...She followed me out of a gate. ['that I was stalking you in'.]

[illucesco]

[Noctis just looks down at his puffer jacket and bright yellow Ego 4 T-shirt. Then back up at Ardyn.]

You don’t get to judge me on the colors clashing.

[He’s sure there’s more to it than that, but this is Ardyn he’s talking to. Guy seems like he’ll snap if Noctis pushes too hard, and right now Noctis would just like to fish.]

The Kanto gate? That’s where I got Fluvius.

[scourgingstars]

Yes, I'm aware.

[he wants to throw you in the lake so badly.]

[throwmoreswords]

[ sometimes it was too much of a hassle to schlep all the way to Hyrule for a good wander in nature, so the park had to do. on the downside of things, there were more... things around, less of the solitude that Gilgamesh subconsciously sought whenever he disappeared to do one-man camping. it did little for his overall mood.

on the upside of things, there were coffee places in the modern world, and most societal ills were at least numbed by enough caffeine shots.

and as a super secret bonus perk, sometimes serendipity and Luck EX crossed one's path with the path of someone who was going through life's ills, and it was always fun to watch people tangled up in the threads of their own personal drama.

Gilgamesh watches the bench go up with a dispassionate seeming curiosity, eyes tracing over the guts of the Hyrule hobo's cellphone where they lay scattered on the ground, sipping his fancy hot drink. 4 points from the Russian judge for performance. ]

Your aim is truly impeccable, isn't it?

[scourgingstars]

I am astonishingly capable, in fact.

[said through grinding teeth]

[throwmoreswords]

That bench never stood a chance.

[ said so amicably, as Gilgamesh wanders closer to the technological carnage, glancing down at the odd white beast lingering by Ardyn's legs. ]

Interesting dog.

[scourgingstars]

I've taken to calling her Laverna.

[casually brushing some stray ashes off his sleeve. he's not mad. you're mad. shut up.]

She followed me out of a rift after rather aggressively stumbling upon me.

[throwmoreswords]

[ he's definitely not mad as he takes a moment to appraise the dog, as if weighing the worth of its name. ]

You're going to have to get her a nice accessory to sell Laverna. Maybe a collar with something frivolously lacy attached.

[ another sip of his drink. another long look at the disco inferno bench. ]

So what'd the local infrastructure do to deserve all of this?

[scourgingstars]

[Today's fun fact is that 'disco inferno' is both a charming late 70s bop and a Latin phrase meaning 'I learn through suffering'. Given those choices, it was very clear which of the two applied to Ardyn and his growing tension headache at the present moment.]

Better that than have someone complain that some civilian 'accidentally' 'disappeared'. I think the Order has enough paperwork to contend with this month.

[bananinja]

[Some days you just feel like going for a walk in the park and having a little picnic, and some days that means you witness a guy spike a phone into the ground and annihilate a park bench. Impressive. And also good reason to make sure to actually make a bit of noise when approaching so as not to startle the guy.]

Bad day with the coworkers, huh? Can I offer you a banana in these trying times?

[Yes, Ardyn, you are in fact being handed a banana by a seven foot guy in a track suit and ski mask. Don't worry about it.]

[scourgingstars]

...




What.


[what else can one say.]

[bananinja]

You know. A banana.

[Just gonna take Ardyn's hand and directly deposit the fruit in there.]

A Mighty Banana, specifically. Chock full of potassium and protein. Perfect for takin' the edge off when you get so steamed you just gotta break a few things. Or, y'know, obliterate 'em with fire. Whatever floats your boat.

[scourgingstars]

[You know what, he's seen a lot of weird shit.]

[But this? This is up there.]

Do you make a habit of this, or am I about to be faced with an elaborate and involved sales pitch?

[bananinja]

[Normality is for boring people as far as Yuzuki's concerned, so he just rolls with the question with a shrug.]

I mean, my shop is great, but I'm not about to go doing marketing stunts on my day off. I just maybe know a thing or two about getting so frustrated that a park bench or two magically goes kablooey.

Trust me, having a snack helps.

[poisontippedcure]

[Rose had chosen to spend today out and about, and as a result, she ended up at Blue Fish Park with her sketchbook.]

[At just the right time, it turns out. Ardyn doesn’t look very happy, and that means she needs to say something.]

Were I one of the individuals in question [she was], I wouldn’t want my name on any list. Especially any list affiliated with the Order.

[And then, after a beat—-]

Crystalline souls and “Champions of the Sun?” Is that really what they told you?

[scourgingstars]

I don't recall any part stating those involved had a choice in the matter.

[he is SEETHING]

Perhaps it was, and perhaps it was not. What of it?

[poisontippedcure]

And yet, I was free to say 'no.'

[And also "fuck the higher ups," but she suspected that part didn't make it into the report.]

That just seems like...a lot. Needlessly obtuse and overly poetic. I, for one, don't want to be described as "Crystalline."

[scourgingstars]

Well, I certainly don't write our damnable assignments.

[poisontippedcure]

[Rose has a much meaner response that she doesn't say, because now is not the time. Despite everything she's actually...trying to be somewhat nice.]

[Or, "nice."]

You don't seem to care for the order much.

[thewarriorqueen]

The thing about having somehow wound up with a 'pet' griffin, was that an animal the size of a lion (plus wings!) didn't do well cooped up in just a house and yard all day every day. Which meant an at least occasional need to take the thing on a proper walk of sorts, and hope that the normies didn't notice when the 'big dog' occasionally decides fly about a few yards above the ground.

Or, in this case, make a startled chirp and launch itself abruptly into the air at the sudden unexpected sight and sound of a bench being incinerated.

"Hol--" Yeah no enhanced strength did nothing when one didn't have a good enough grip on the leash. Meredith could only hope that the now airborne monster wouldn't cause too much of a stir before settling down again. That, and turn her attention to the cause of the commotion.

"Was that really necessary?"

[scourgingstars]

For some odd reason, the presence of massive winged fauna did not remotely seem to faze Ardyn. Either he'd somehow managed not to notice it, or it inexplicably seemed like a normal occurrence to him.

"Oh, what, you've never had a frustrating day of work?"

[thewarriorqueen]

"Not one that's had me actually committing arson."

Considering it? Maybe, but not actually doing it. For all the difference that made as she stared after the griffin as it steadily flew higher. Chasing after it was definitely not an option.