kaisou | [treasure 6] eat your heart out, James Buffet

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[treasure 6] eat your heart out, James Buffet

WHO: Gilgamesh + the Network
WHERE: the Network and if you're feeling froggy, the Wakawaka Zabuun waterpark
WHEN: after the first week of January
WHAT: sometimes, the ghost of you is into architecture and captive water systems a lot.
WARNINGS: none come to mind

un; AUO, video post; on the network itself

[ someone has given Gilgamesh a fruity little drink and a fancy looking picnic table with an umbrella. it was probably Gilgamesh, but wherever he is currently is cheerfully tropical looking as his phone is propped across the table from him while he sips something that's half-slushie and half-far-too-much rum. there are flowery, beachy motifs painted on the wall behind him. ]

This past life business is strange, isn't it? [ sip ] There's so many things that become different in the new variation--and yet it seems like there's just enough that stays the same that I can almost see the merit in being unsure of where one ends and the other begins.

There may also be an element of serendipity to it--something cosmic having a fun laugh at an old favorite born anew. [ sip. stir the slush with a straw. finally look down at the phone's camera. ] Maybe it's also a testament to progress.

In one lifetime, a king in the desert can dream of a palatial complex meant to capture more water than he'd ever rightfully see, but never be able to bring it to fruition. [ sip. it's a heavy sip this time, more of a gulp. ] And in the next half-borrowed lifetime, the magical ghost of the king can figure out a way to bring his own masterwork to fruition, and somehow, in a new timeline entirely, I now own a waterpark and need to figure out if magical bullshit handles the licensing for you.

I don't think it does. [ he's gonna finish his drink and pick the phone up and switch the camera view and--yeah. yeah. that is just a goddamn fancy waterpark, with the only point of oddity probably being that it's completely empty except for the chucklefuck holding the phone. ]

What lawyer do I even call about this. Hells.

un; AUO, text message; private to Yasuho and Kafka

[ sent to the inevitable threeway chat used to corroborate information and keep things flowing smoothly between Gilgamesh and the Women You Have To Get Through If You Want his Attention:]

i require bodies.

[ a minute later ]

to staff a waterpark. magic doesn't just give you half-trained college students for free apparently. hiring. hiring needs to happen. make hiring happen, thank you.

Wakawaka Zabuun; a paradise worthy of a king, but you all can show up too I guess

[ and if anybody has the fortitude to show up--whether to share in Gilgamesh's EX Luck or laugh at it, it's... a really nice waterpark. the water is nice and warm, the floaties are high quality, the beach sand in the basking areas feels nice and authentically silky. the king himself has found the fancy slushy mix and the cocktail fixings, or maybe he brought those from home--but he'll share suitably boozy tropical drinks in novelty cups with little umbrellas with people of appropriate drinking age. maybe. or maybe he just won't stop people from partaking of the king's vintage while he's in such a Mood.

you may have to serve yourself if he doesn't know you or like you, but like. he's a little too flabbergasted to be overly territorial at the moment. what the fuck? what the fuck.

what the fuck?? ]

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[Every good waterpark needs something fitting the pirate theme, right? Well, here's Edward, dressed in this little number. The piratical effect is a little ruined by the lack of eyepatch, the MCR beanie, a glass of the king's vintage, and a vaguely puzzled look around the water park. It's a bit like seeing a period drama actor out of character hanging around off the set but still in costume, really.]

So this is what that tour group from this morning was talking about. [Sipping at the wine.] A water park, is it?

[A beat.]

I don't see the appeal when the beach isn't far off.

[ at first, Gilgamesh almost wonders if the pirate came with the waterpark, until he opens his mouth to talk shit.

a strong part of the king contemplates the Jeff Goldblum response--but the rest of him has enough deeply alcoholic slushie and general good mood going on that he decides to favor the mouthy buccaneer with a mostly genuine answer. ]

There's a number of reasons why someone might choose a more controlled facility to enjoy their water-based leisure at. A waterpark, in theory, provides a contained area that's monitored by trained staff, has food and beverages available, and offers a variety of ways to interact with the water, such as slides, diving boards, lazy rivers, and a play area that appeals to the young and adventurous.

[ he's mixing himself a new slush and being generous with the rum. it is a lovely yellow color. ]

Also, not everyone has open access to the ocean, nor the desire to swim where beasts like sharks and that very large kraken now live. The water here is also always warm.

[ and he'll stare at Edward for a long moment, the pupils of his eyes slitting in bemusement as he slowly drags his gaze from the pirate... to the snow-covered ground outside of the glass walls of the park, and then back to Edward. ]

You wish to swim outside in this climate?

[That does make sense, and Edward can see the appeal now, he supposes. He's about to say as much, to let him have this argument, when Gilgamesh looks at him, and Edward, who has never been known to back down from even an implied challenge, finishes off his glass.]

Sure, but the ocean offers an adventure when you go swimming in it. Even in times like these.

[Bring it, he doesn't say, but it's there in his voice.]

[ here this man is, drinking Gilgamesh's booze in Gilgamesh's nice temperature controlled box, and he wants to run his mouth. ]

The ocean also offers rip currents and plenty of unsolved disappearances. You don't really get that in your modern day water leisure experience unless you go to New Jersey.

[ he takes a nice sip of his new, neon yellow concoction, letting the pineapple slushie go down smooth as the pirate cosplayer squares up and he meets his resolve with a cool, indifferent amusement. ]

Do you want to go on an adventure days after a multi-inch snowfall, given the current temperature is somewhere between balls-shrivellingly cold and arctic midday?

[ that's a cheerful voice. a dangerous voice. the king is feeling playful, and that's how people end up with knives in their spine. ]

[The king is feeling playful, and despite the warning bells going off in Edward's mind, he hears the cheer and the danger underneath and decides, instead of backing down, that he's going to rise to meet it.]

Depends. If I go on that adventure, what do I get as a reward for my successful return?

[ oh, you beautiful fool. the king's eyes do a thing--where the pupils dilate and then pull down to slits, like a cat's or a snake's, and his smile is anything but kindly as the man rises to meet his challenge. he takes another sip of his drink. ]

If you strip down as you would when in a facility like mine and wade into the ocean up to your chest, I'll give you 50$ for the first ten minutes. 100$ if you make it to twenty.

[ and out comes a very nice leather wallet from the depths of the king's coat, flicking open the clasp with a thumb and dropping two fifty dollar bills on the counter beside him--proving that he has the money, and more besides stashed away in that wallet. ]

[That's a lot of cash.

Edward gets very quiet for a moment. Then:]

If I dive into the water from higher up instead of wading, I want thirty dollars on top of what I'll already get. [Ten minutes he can do. He's not stupid enough to do twenty.]

[ that's barely pennies in the bucket.

Gil waits, sipping his drink, enjoying the faint, plucky tunes of a generic tropical song from some distant speaker, eyebrow lifting when Edward negotiates, looking offended for just a moment

and then he laughs. ]

The audacity on you! Very well. I'll go for a thirty dollar dive fee. Are we taking my car down to the beach? [ a pause ] How did you get in here, anyway?

Oh, no need, I've a ship in the harbor.

[A beat.]

I climbed. You have piss-poor security, mate, should get around to hiring guards sooner or later.

What is a ship going to do for you when we're up the way from the beach, let alone the harbor?

[ another beat. ]

Yes, let me hire security for the facility that appeared out of thin air, overnight, by magic in less than 24 hours. If you broke one of my glass panels up top, it's coming out of your eighty dollars.

I can jump from the yardarms. But if you can find a cliff I can dive from that's fine by me.

[He pauses again, thinking back. Nah, he hadn't, he'd found something unlatched and just shimmied right in. But he's not about to say that.]

Don't worry, I've not harmed a single panel on your roof. You have unlatched windows.

I suggest you leave the way you came and relatch the window, then, or I'm not paying you a thing.

[ Gil can read context clues, man. he's smarter than the average bear. that bear keeps turning back up despite having met Dante the first time it rolled into town, so it might not be much of a hurdle to clear, but Gil clears it handily. ]

Am I going with you to witness this, or am I just supposed to trust that you're doing it? I'm not scouting anything. This is your point of pride to prove, not mine.

Fifteen dollars for me doing the scouting then. And five for the relatching. [He grins at Gilgamesh.] Pennies in the bucket, right?

[Well, if anyone was in doubt about Edward being a pirate, him trying to squeeze out as much money as he can get out of this rich guy probably proves it.]

You’re right that it’s my pride on the line—if you’re so keen on witnessing it, why, I’ll even find you the best spot on the beach to watch me dive.

How about you relatch for free and I don't call the authorities for you trespassing on my property? [ grinning right back, eyes lidded. ] And I'll tip you whatever I feel is appropriate depending on how good the locale is that you scout.

[ pennies in the bucket, but you're gonna swash your buckles for them if you want them, Captain Panhandle. ]

I hardly trust you to go off and do the thing we've agreed upon you doing without me there to see it--if you were smart, you'd wet your hair and your face and return after thirty minutes. Maybe paint your lips a little blue to really sell the effect. I'm not that stupid, but I anticipate that's what a proper conman would try to pull, rather than actually going through with this whole debacle.

You drive a hard bargain, but fine.

[Edward actually lets out a snort of laughter, and shakes his head. He’s tried to con people before, so that’s not what offends him—what does is that he’d con someone after outright goading them into this.]

What, my word’s not good enough for you? [A corner of his mouth quirks upward.] I’ll go through with it. You can watch from any spot you like, it’s no matter to me so long as I’m paid. Like I said, I’ll even find you the perfect place to watch every second. And if I don’t manage even ten minutes, why, then you’ll get to keep your money.

The only bargain, one might argue.

[ he picks the money up off the counter and tucks it back into his coat--the innermost coat, and smirks at the pirate's laughter. ]

I assume most people are lying to me as a matter of course. It's nothing personal. [ he sounds so sickly sweet as he says it, hands tucking into his pockets as he sets his fruity little slushie down, rolling his shoulders and giving a little shrug, as if to entice Edward to commence to scouting. ]

Lead on, then. It's been a quiet enough day, I could use the entertainment.

Oh, certainly. First let me just relatch the window.

[Fine, he’ll get to scouting! The beach being a ways up, the first thing he does is clamber up and relatch the window as promised, then he goes to fetch Gilgamesh and find a good place on the beach that the man can watch Edward. In the meantime, on the way there:]

So, what, your past life built a water park? What, were you bored?

A stunningly roundabout way to communicate 'I own a waterpark, what now'. Although, I confess, that is certainly not a problem I would expect to find myself confronted with.

On one hand, it isn't the only waterpark I own shares in--but I was aware that I was investing in those companies, whereas this one just showed up and left me holding all the magically induced paperwork. How do you explain a magic waterpark to your property lawyers?

[ more slushie, that's how. ]

Well, the only explanations I can think of off the top of my head involve frowned-upon activities such as 'tax evasion', 'forgery', and the like.

Activities of the desperate and unprofitable. I've never stooped to such methods and I'm interested in starting now.

[boss!?!?!?! hewwo?!?!?!

................

oh]

Got it!

[Technically they don't got it Quite that fast but look they'll make it happen. Somehow. Paisley's probably already gathering stuff to send to Kafka as she speaks here, but anyway-]

...There anything else you need right now?

[y...you good boss...?]

[ hewwo minister of infowmation ]

good

[ Gilgamesh's overall network and web of businesses and people who do things to run them are at least aware that Yasuho and Kafka are a thing, so whenever this bombshell gets bucked onto HR, it won't be too much of a surprise. probably. ]

more pina colada mixer. usually when i acquire big fancy shit like this it's done intentionally, so i'm a little spun by the universe doing it to me first.

[The quietest of pings to Kafka, as Yasuho whispers that she cannot actually be involved in alcohol purchasing to the wind-]

It's definitely a lot to take in...I knew there were businesses appearing from nowhere, but this is the first I've been this close to it.

I got my house this way...

[At least this explains why her news feed blew up this morning. Darn city not noticing anything magical! All they're focused on is how this water park is 'finally almost done'!]

[ the mixer isn't alcoholic! even if your average grocery store worker'll get a bit tetchy about it. ]

what really makes me lightheaded about it is that, as far as i can consider, the whole facility was dreamed up by the ancient king, and then somehow the magical copy of him that came after actually managed to acquire the damned thing. potentially as a child?

makes the head spin. especially with how quickly the normal world just went 'ah yes, that thing that's been in the making for years'. how much strange shit did i excuse before my own awakening?

[ which is surprisingly honest. hmn. don't like that. ]

[oops well yasuho would know that at least so off she goes.............

...it is. Such a good thing she can multitask though because the closer she's been getting to that store, the wilder this is getting!

That's too honest!! Concerning!!!!] I try not to think too hard about it? With how many things are in the world that cross the line, the list could go on forever if I started making one. Knowing I can actually see things properly now feels more important than what I couldn't see before.

[That said, that first bit almost makes her want to call Ritsuka, but alas, this is work stuff and that makes it work people only. It really seems like the kind of thing she could weigh in on somehow though...] Though it does make keeping up with new developments interesting...

"Your water park is here now??"

Because of course she knew about that being a thing. Even if she'd never actually had an opportunity to see the real deal.

"You were aware that I had a waterpark?"

That makes one of them that knew about the existence of this whole... fiasco. He's going to continue sipping at his drink while staring into the middle distance, soaking in the ambience. The fruity, pseudo-tropical ambience.

"Yeah, another version of you mentioned it..."

Did this Gil know about Kid Gil? .... If not, should she even mention Kid Gil, given how famously he didn't get along with his older selves?

"... So if it's here, does that mean it's open and everything?"

"Of course. They do nothing but cause me trouble."

As always, nobody hates Gilgamesh more than Gilgamesh hates Gilgamesh. It'd be on sight with Kid Gilgamesh, if he were more than passingly aware of the little scrap--the water park had come with some incredibly confusing memories, so that might be part of why Gil is tripping a little bit.

"It is open inasmuch as I am inside of it and am in possession of the key, but magic water park or not, there are licenses and permits that you need to operate these things in the real world, so it's not actually open for public use yet."

"I dunno... is getting a whole free waterpark really trouble?"

Definitely not bringing up Kid Gil then, at least for now. No need to sour an already decent mood!

There's a pause, and to judge from her expression one could probably easily imagine that fox tail swishing with an idea.

"So just private use for now? I mean, you probably want to make sure everything's tested to be sure it's working and stuff, right?"

Wow, you were not kidding about coming into property. I was expecting, like, a big swanky mansion or something. Not a waterpark.

[Who even just GETS a waterpark? This is ridiculous even for people of their income bracket. ]

So what now? Your own obnoxious ear-wormy soundtrack blaring through the speakers on loop? Maybe a sliiiiightly creepy mascot to hang around and give kids unresolved trauma? Honestly, the sky's the limit, Gil.

I know a lawyer by association- but IDK if this is even slightly in his wheelhouse.

I have more mansions than I can shake a stick at. That'd hardly be worth feeling even slightly perturbed about.

[ sometimes you're god's fated rival and the most special boy and you just get a water park. ]

I don't know if you can hear it, but there is a cheerful psuedo-tropical soundtrack playing on a loudspeaker somewhere. I would rather burn a mascot in effigy than employ one. I don't... know what happens now. I think I open the water park and continue to make money? Maybe I keep it for myself and just have warm swimming water all year long.

I have pits of lawyers but I don't even know which one of them I dump this one. Property? Entertainment? Licensing?

Hat doesn't surprise me even a tiyn little bit, Babe.

[Sometimes that happens! He listens for a minute, catching the tinny, distant awful soundtrack.]

Yeeesh, something for people to pretend they're on an island paradise while ignoring the smell of chroline. That's so Vegas of it. Anyway, IDK, I guess that's for you to decide! I can't believe you got a hot spring AND a water park. Like is this place trying to tell you something?

[He lets out a soft hum.]

I mean, deffo at least entertainment! Aaaaand if you're gonna sell those fruity little drinks, you're gonna need a liquor licence.

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[treasure 6] eat your heart out, James Buffet

wakuwaku zabuun

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video; un: luciferskylight

video; un; AUO

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UN: musicologyminor

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me sobbing in allergy induced lack of knowledge while laughing

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voice: UN: hotgoss

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