un: ecraig | text

[fiddlestick]

WHO: Elliot Craig
WHERE: Network, but he's at the Central Perk
WHEN: 9/10
WHAT: Drama Alert
WARNINGS:

I went to the new coffee shop, Central Perk, to do some work, and I think I'm bearing witness to some of the messiest group of people.

- They RESERVED the couches so no one else can sit on them. They aren't holding a meeting, they are just a group of friends hanging out. According to the staff, they do this every day.

- One of them is going through a divorce, apparently his wife was a lesbian. He is not taking it well. His friend suggested he go to a strip club to get over it.

- Another one keeps making jokes. Not the actual funny but the "haha I used edgy humor as a self-defense mechanism". Will not repeat the jokes, they are all inappropriate.

- A woman in a wedding dress ran into the shop. Turns out she knows these people. She ran away from the altar because I guess something about shoes? Or she's a shoe?

- Oh god I think the divorced guy has a thing for the runaway bride? He keeps staring at her.

- Also there's some guy dressed like a pirate with popcorn watching them too, but I think he's one of us.

I'm not sure I'm going to get any work done today.

Comments

text | un: paintedfox

[stripartist]

What those people are doing... That is not something normal, healthy people do, is it?

[fiddlestick]

Not at all, no! Normally you have to go online to find stories with this level of mess, and half the time they're made up or embellished.

un: silverrose

[fionnuisce]

at times i think it should be legal to throw a coffee mug at full speed directly at someone's head

[fiddlestick]

I mean I don't disagree, they'd deserve it, but I don't want to disrupt what I'm witnessing. I feel like a nature photographer.

un: goldenrose

[twofoldfury]

All the better if it's a disposable mug.

text | un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

Aye, that’s me. I’ve been watching these arseholes for weeks, they ALWAYS take the couches and they’re always like this. They’re terrible, it’s bloody fantastic and I haven’t been so entertained since the last time I saw Jack Rackham get drunk back on Nassau.

[fiddlestick]

Weeks?? You mean this level of drama isn't a one off thing for them??

text; un: wisteria

[reenforces]

...

Are straight people okay?

[fiddlestick]

I don't think they are.

I'm so glad that lesbian escaped.

text; un: fortuneclovers

[medicgunner]

🍿

text | UN: Arachne

[adtendo]

Thanks for the heads up.

I know what I'm doing today.

[fiddlestick]

Just try to maintain a safe distance. I feel like anyone who gets too near will get dragged into a vortex of straight nonsense.

text: UN: hotgoss

[bebest]

Oh my goose that's SO much tea. I'm in a boring meeting with the dullest producer known to man or beast and I need this so much rn. PLEASE tell me more! They sound like SUCH messy bitches!!!

[Then literally three minutes later.]

No you know what, I'm feigning a medical emergency. You're now my great Aunt Florence and you've had a fall. Save me a seat. This is too important to miss!!

[And about five minutes after that, Zulius just TELEPORTS into existence into the shop nearly startling the poor guy carrying a tray of hot coffee to the group. Zulius flashes him an apologetic finger-gun and then just shimmy slides over to where Elliot is sitting to just observe this hot mess. In a whisper:]

Okay, I'm here, what did I miss?

action

[poisontippedcure]

[This. This is a good reason to leave the house. Whether Zulius wants it or not, there is now a cat girl beside him. Sorry, Zulius, she's bored and she wants the tea.]

This is quite impressive. In my homeworld, one had to pay for such entertainment.

[fiddlestick]

[Elliot was about to type up his update, but Zulius has deigned to come himself. He's got a seat saved for him, as promised, pulling aside a chair so there's room for Zulius.

In a whisper:]

Well, as it turns out, the divorced guy knew the bride in high school. Apparently he had a thing for her, but never told her.

action

[jackdawvision]

[Passing over a bowl of popcorn.]

She just left her wedding and now she’s asking to stay at her friend’s place. [Absolutely giddy:] It’s lie I’m back on Nassau.

action

[joies]

[ And sliding in next to Zulius with a drink of her own is one certain tree grandma, her eye fixed on the scene before her. Sorry Elliot you've got a crowd now.

In a stage whisper to Zulius: ]

Apparently the bride has been cut off financially by her father, over the phone. I didn't think such disasters existed outside of television, but here we are.

voice | un: fullbloom

[joies]

Central Perk, was it?

This sounds like the perfect thing to watch after working all day.

[ Hell yeah free entertainment. ]

text

[fiddlestick]

Yeah I can give the address.

[Sends it!]

The coffee's just fine, but it's impossible to look away at this wreck.

text; un: arise.

[lowestclass]

... pretentious coffee shops always attract the most ... ... interesting people.

[fiddlestick]

You can say that again.

The coffee is okay? But if these are their regulars, they should just make this a tea shop.

text; un: goldenrose

[twofoldfury]

I've passed this place a handful of times since it opened and I must say. This feels like a series of events that need to be watched with good drink and better company.

[fiddlestick]

No kidding. I'm definitely going to come back here sometimes to see if I can get updates. I can't look away.

Text; un: Opera_Ghost

[not_a_possum]

Wow. Sounds like there might be some people the coffee shop staff hate more than me!

[fiddlestick]

Huh? Why do coffee shop staff hate you Professor?

text; un: floresdemayo

[senorita_perfecta]

Oh dear. I don’t think that I would ever want to go to that cafe with these kinds of people popping by, whine about their troubles all the time and keep the couches for themselves.

Hopefully the lesbian can find a better partner to live with.

[fiddlestick]

Aha, I suppose it's not for everyone....

[he fully intends to stick around though he can't miss this drama]

I hope so too.

Text; un: Thancred

[censorshipnutkin]

Was this the place that had an employment ad open? I might just have to try for the job for entertainment value.

[fiddlestick]

Uh, well there's a help wanted sign in the window--

But are you sure that's a good idea? You'd have to deal with these guys as customers.