un: ecraig | text

[fiddlestick]

WHO: Elliot Craig
WHERE: Network, but he's at the Central Perk
WHEN: 9/10
WHAT: Drama Alert
WARNINGS:

I went to the new coffee shop, Central Perk, to do some work, and I think I'm bearing witness to some of the messiest group of people.

- They RESERVED the couches so no one else can sit on them. They aren't holding a meeting, they are just a group of friends hanging out. According to the staff, they do this every day.

- One of them is going through a divorce, apparently his wife was a lesbian. He is not taking it well. His friend suggested he go to a strip club to get over it.

- Another one keeps making jokes. Not the actual funny but the "haha I used edgy humor as a self-defense mechanism". Will not repeat the jokes, they are all inappropriate.

- A woman in a wedding dress ran into the shop. Turns out she knows these people. She ran away from the altar because I guess something about shoes? Or she's a shoe?

- Oh god I think the divorced guy has a thing for the runaway bride? He keeps staring at her.

- Also there's some guy dressed like a pirate with popcorn watching them too, but I think he's one of us.

I'm not sure I'm going to get any work done today.

Comments

text | un: paintedfox

[stripartist]

What those people are doing... That is not something normal, healthy people do, is it?

un: silverrose

[fionnuisce]

at times i think it should be legal to throw a coffee mug at full speed directly at someone's head

[fiddlestick]

Not at all, no! Normally you have to go online to find stories with this level of mess, and half the time they're made up or embellished.

[stripartist]

And they're not app users?

text | un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

Aye, that’s me. I’ve been watching these arseholes for weeks, they ALWAYS take the couches and they’re always like this. They’re terrible, it’s bloody fantastic and I haven’t been so entertained since the last time I saw Jack Rackham get drunk back on Nassau.

[fiddlestick]

I mean I don't disagree, they'd deserve it, but I don't want to disrupt what I'm witnessing. I feel like a nature photographer.

[fionnuisce]

oh sure, i wouldn't do it IMMEDIATELY, but after a while the obnoxious personalities might outweigh scientific curiosity.

[fiddlestick]

Weeks?? You mean this level of drama isn't a one off thing for them??

[fiddlestick]

As far as I can tell, no. They haven't even noticed my cat ears.

Then again that might be a sign of them just being that self-absorbed.

text; un: wisteria

[reenforces]

...

Are straight people okay?

[fiddlestick]

Yeah, I could see that happening.


Oh no I think the divorced guy is a Nice Guy™️

[stripartist]

I wonder if you were to start playing an instrument, would they even notice?

[fiddlestick]

I don't think they are.

I'm so glad that lesbian escaped.

[fiddlestick]

Oh one of them has a guitar she will bring out at random times to play.

It's Not Good.

[fionnuisce]

can't fucking imagine why he's divorced then

sincerely hope they hook up and spare two other people

[jackdawvision]

No! Every week it’s something new! Last week there was a fiasco that involved a man in a coma, the week before that something about three dates on a time they all agreed was a no-date evening.

If you want to watch this, sit here, I have more than enough pop-corn for the both of us.

text; un: fortuneclovers

[medicgunner]

🍿

text | UN: Arachne

[adtendo]

Thanks for the heads up.

I know what I'm doing today.

[stripartist]

By most people's standards or by your standards?

[Look, Elliot is to music what Yusuke is to art: judgemental as fuck]

text: UN: hotgoss

[bebest]

Oh my goose that's SO much tea. I'm in a boring meeting with the dullest producer known to man or beast and I need this so much rn. PLEASE tell me more! They sound like SUCH messy bitches!!!

[Then literally three minutes later.]

No you know what, I'm feigning a medical emergency. You're now my great Aunt Florence and you've had a fall. Save me a seat. This is too important to miss!!

[And about five minutes after that, Zulius just TELEPORTS into existence into the shop nearly startling the poor guy carrying a tray of hot coffee to the group. Zulius flashes him an apologetic finger-gun and then just shimmy slides over to where Elliot is sitting to just observe this hot mess. In a whisper:]

Okay, I'm here, what did I miss?

[reenforces]

One look at this group and you can see why.

I hope she's living her best life.

voice | un: fullbloom

[joies]

Central Perk, was it?

This sounds like the perfect thing to watch after working all day.

[ Hell yeah free entertainment. ]

text; un: arise.

[lowestclass]

... pretentious coffee shops always attract the most ... ... interesting people.

action

[poisontippedcure]

[This. This is a good reason to leave the house. Whether Zulius wants it or not, there is now a cat girl beside him. Sorry, Zulius, she's bored and she wants the tea.]

This is quite impressive. In my homeworld, one had to pay for such entertainment.

[fiddlestick]

[He's just going to send an audio recording.]

I recorded it to make sure I wasn't hallucinating from the latte.