video: un; Deja Boo

[schrodingersghost]

WHO: Danny and anyone
WHERE: Network Post
WHEN: Late August
WHAT: Help???
WARNINGS: None


[Danny looks more than a little stressed and tired today. He is slumped down against the back of his chair as he opens the video feed.]

So... this is kind of a funny request. But does anyone have any advice on learning how to cook? Since it kind of turns out that that's something I need to learn. Long story.

Comments

video: un; Deja Boo

[schrodingersghost]

Seriously? That would be super helpful! I'm getting so sick of boring food.

[Danny absolutely believed him.]

[prontissimo]

Oh. I know. I know all about boring food.

[ Why is the way he says this so breathy and ominous jsfKN;jn but he presses on undaunted, after a meaningful stare at the camera. ]

I never eat boring food now. Me and Luca make all kinds of stuff. What do you like to eat, then, eh? Do you like pasta?

[schrodingersghost]

Depends. You got any ideas how how to make it without salt?

[ Danny was so tired of all these ridiculous drawbacks to his supernatural species, but this one was the worst one yet. It was in everything]

[prontissimo]

[ Alberto's silence is so profound. He just stares flatly at the camera for a long moment, before responding in a thick voice. ]

...No. I would never make pasta without salt water.

[ As if he's abhorred by the very idea...! He rolls on nonchalantly, his eyes drifting upwards in thought as he talks. ]

So that's out. No pasta. What aboooouuuut— Soup? No. Uhh— Oh! Can you eat seafood? What about oysters? Cuz you can just eat those, no nothing, and I mean, it's not like they're in the ocean anymore.

[ Alberto's really struggling with this concept, Danny. A taller order than he expected — and now, a challenge to prove his culinary capacity. ]

[schrodingersghost]

I've never tried much seafood? But I'll give anything a try if it gives me a break from salad and no flavor foods.

[Danny sighs heavily.]

Because apparently no salt is a thing now. It just tastes completely awful.

[prontissimo]

I am so, so sorry.

[ He can't fathom a saltless life, this is heartbreaking... All the more determined to help. ]

We are gonna find the best saltless food to make, and it won't be sad, like, almost at all...! We've got this~

[ The. weakest pep talk he's ever given. But sincere anyway. He clears his throat, then presses on optimistically. ]

What do you usually like to eat? I'm looking up recipes now. Though I'm definitely making you seafood, because... Yeah. Hah.

[ Ahem. His area of expertise. Alberto's not wasting a moment with this deep dive, though — thanks, Danny, and you're welcome. ]

[schrodingersghost]

Just one more thing I have to deal with. Between this and the iron thing I think I'm starting to understand why fae live in the woods. [ He was assuming this was because of that side of him, anyway. It could be his ghost side. But the point still stood. ][He'd already discovered the impossibility of getting any of that without salt.]

[prontissimo]

Wellllll, for what it's worth, I also know a lot about finding food in the woods. Now that's boring food, though. Last resort.

[schrodingersghost]

I'd believe that. There's a reason I pack extra food every time I go into the Spirit Realm now. Foraging sucks.

[And first aid supplies. And pocket tools. And camping gear. It had only taken a few disasters to teach Danny the value of being prepared.]

[prontissimo]

Wise move. I always bring stuff with me to the Spirit Realm. You know, when I moved to Stardew last year, when the gate first opened up, and Zodiac told us we'd be there a long time, roughing it, I lived with three adults, and none of them brought any knives — or pans — or oil — or, I dunno, stuff?!

[ Grown-ups, man... Can't live with 'em— ...can't live with 'em. Nope. He rolls his eyes as he speaks, but at his close, he widens them exaggeratedly, exasperatedly, at the camera, shaking his head as if quivering in sarcastic rage. I mean, need he say more? You can take the boy out of Italy, but... Alberto's body language always tells you everything you need to know. He rolls his head over his shoulders like he's shrugging off the sheer topic, and segues gracelessly back to the issue at hand: salt. ]

So when're you gonna come over for food? Saltless-but-delicious food!

[ He points a finger at the camera, giving a knowing, almost reproachful look, like Danny shouldn't dare question if it's gonna be good or not...! At least one of them is confident. Whether that confidence is, uh, due or not, remains to be seen... ]