kaisou | video: un; Deja Boo

I’ve a rat that’s taken over my kitchen for culinary purposes, if you want to borrow him.

Edited 2023-08-19 15:28 (UTC)

Well, thats definitely a solution. But, I don't think my parents would like that.

You can tell them that he's a special rat who's shockingly good at cooking stew and that he seems to have a grasp on washing himself before he handles any food. [A pause.] Now that I've said all that out loud, I realize how it sounds, but I can show you if you like.

[Danny has to laugh a little at that.]

My parents aren't actually in on any of the spirit realm stuff. So I'm guessing I won't be able to talk them to into any of that. Even if a rat is a fantastic cook.

But its definitely an idea for when I move out for college.

They’re not? That’s a surprise, I had thought they might be aware.

[A beat, while he processes what Danny just said. Then, slightly incredulous:] College? If you could afford that you could well afford to have a cook of your own. Unless that’s changed in the last couple of centuries.

Well, I've been dealing with all the nonsense for a year, and they still haven't been able to see any of it. Not even some of the really obvious stuff.

[Privately, Danny had been thinking for a while that maybe it was better this way. After all, he'd seen what his life could be like with parents who could see him as a ghost.]

Oh, right. Other times. Well, college is still pretty expensive. But you've still got to do it for some kinds of jobs. A lot of kids my age have to start thinking about it.

How is that possible, to miss even some of the more obvious strangeness?

Aye, other times, and new to this world besides. [The idea of college being so widespread that it's a requirement for some jobs, as well as a given that people start considering it so early, is a frankly wild concept to Edward. Although the expensive part isn't new.] You're not being sponsored, then, are you? [That's one way for somebody to get into a university, back in the 1720s.]

I've got wings sometimes. They just look right through them like they're not even there. Its the whole veil thing. If it doesn't make sense to them, they can't see it.

[He frowns.]

You mean like scholarships or something? I'll probably apply for them? But most kids just have to take out some loans and pay them back once they start working.

[Explaining the college experience wasn't what Danny was expecting to do today. But he'd manage. He'd researched the industrial farming revolution for other friends. ]

Still issues with all the iron, Buddy? Did it get worse?

It got worse in a new and annoying way. Now iron AND salt are off my list.

...Salt now, too? Jeez, that's like, way too unlucky. Salt's in everything!

[That's kind of the point, Varian.]

Maybe there are recipe books for zero sodium content meals?

Trust me, I've been figuring that out. You know how hard it is to buy cooked food that doesn't have salt in it?

[Danny sighs heavily. He was too tired from all of this to even be too upset about it anymore.]

That's what I'm hoping. The bad news is that I'm pretty sure I have to start making my own food now. Which means figuring out how to get around the kitchen iron problem.

[He was starting to understand why Fae preferred living in the woods. ]

I'm gonna guess really hard. It's a pretty basic ingredient. Sorry, that sucks.

[He feels for you, friendo.]

Yeah, that makes sense. Do you think there might be some internet cookbooks? They really care about a lot of stuff like that in this century! Did you know people could be allergic to milk? I didn't! But they have all kinds of food to help people with that! Maybe there's something for people allergic to salt too?

I know there's people who have to avoiding eating salt for completely non-supernatural reasons, so I'm sure they're out there. [He lets out a small laugh.] I'm just pretty sure I have to learn the basics of cooking first. Boiling water and making sandwiches isn't going to cut it for long.

Yeah! They have all kinds of weird diets, here in the future, right? There's gotta be one without salt! [There are SO MANY weird diets, Danny!! He doesn't get it!!!] No it's really not. I mean, I can cook a little? I'm better at baking.

I can ask dad if he could show you anything? He's a good cook!

[Danny might be pretty experienced now at explaining the modern world to friends dislocated from other times, but he wasn't touching that one. He didn't get it either.]

Yeah, and people have to have figured out how to work around it.

[He sighs.] But I have the feeling some foods just aren't going to the same. Goodbye fries and chips I guess.

Seriously? That would be really helpful if he could. I'm honestly not really sure where to start.

[He's already explained so much! He deserves to rest on this one insane subject.]

Yeah, sorry buddy. I mean- I can see if I can make a synthetic salt? But it...it definitely wouldn't be the same.

[He grins, because at least this is something he CAN do!]

Sure thing!! I'm sure he'll have some ideas for you.

Thanks for the offer, but with the way my lucks been lately I wouldn't be surprised if fake salt did something even worse.

I hope so. I never thought something would be more annoying than the iron thing, but I think I found it.

...Yeah, okay, fair. You can't really not trust this place not to punish you for trying to find a loophole.

This is a pretty big one. At least the iron thing didn't affect what you were eating beyond how you cooked stuff.

Here's hoping this is the last thing that shows up. As far as not being able to touch things, anyway.

[Danny knew better than to hope for no new powers or changes. ]

I hope so too, Bud. You've been through enough.

[ Cue your friend wearing the smuggest smirk, Danny, shooting the finger gun at the camera. ]

I got you. I'll teach you everything I know. I'm a great cook~

[ And, foreboding as Alberto's boasting almost always is, this time it's actually true. He is a good cook. And he hasn't poisoned anyone in months, either! ]

Seriously? That would be super helpful! I'm getting so sick of boring food.

[Danny absolutely believed him.]

Oh. I know. I know all about boring food.

[ Why is the way he says this so breathy and ominous jsfKN;jn but he presses on undaunted, after a meaningful stare at the camera. ]

I never eat boring food now. Me and Luca make all kinds of stuff. What do you like to eat, then, eh? Do you like pasta?

Depends. You got any ideas how how to make it without salt?

[ Danny was so tired of all these ridiculous drawbacks to his supernatural species, but this one was the worst one yet. It was in everything]

[ Alberto's silence is so profound. He just stares flatly at the camera for a long moment, before responding in a thick voice. ]

...No. I would never make pasta without salt water.

[ As if he's abhorred by the very idea...! He rolls on nonchalantly, his eyes drifting upwards in thought as he talks. ]

So that's out. No pasta. What aboooouuuut— Soup? No. Uhh— Oh! Can you eat seafood? What about oysters? Cuz you can just eat those, no nothing, and I mean, it's not like they're in the ocean anymore.

[ Alberto's really struggling with this concept, Danny. A taller order than he expected — and now, a challenge to prove his culinary capacity. ]

I've never tried much seafood? But I'll give anything a try if it gives me a break from salad and no flavor foods.

[Danny sighs heavily.]

Because apparently no salt is a thing now. It just tastes completely awful.

I am so, so sorry.

[ He can't fathom a saltless life, this is heartbreaking... All the more determined to help. ]

We are gonna find the best saltless food to make, and it won't be sad, like, almost at all...! We've got this~

[ The. weakest pep talk he's ever given. But sincere anyway. He clears his throat, then presses on optimistically. ]

What do you usually like to eat? I'm looking up recipes now. Though I'm definitely making you seafood, because... Yeah. Hah.

[ Ahem. His area of expertise. Alberto's not wasting a moment with this deep dive, though — thanks, Danny, and you're welcome. ]

Edited 2023-08-21 05:22 (UTC)

Just one more thing I have to deal with. Between this and the iron thing I think I'm starting to understand why fae live in the woods. [ He was assuming this was because of that side of him, anyway. It could be his ghost side. But the point still stood. ][He'd already discovered the impossibility of getting any of that without salt.]

Wellllll, for what it's worth, I also know a lot about finding food in the woods. Now that's boring food, though. Last resort.

I'd believe that. There's a reason I pack extra food every time I go into the Spirit Realm now. Foraging sucks.

[And first aid supplies. And pocket tools. And camping gear. It had only taken a few disasters to teach Danny the value of being prepared.]

Wise move. I always bring stuff with me to the Spirit Realm. You know, when I moved to Stardew last year, when the gate first opened up, and Zodiac told us we'd be there a long time, roughing it, I lived with three adults, and none of them brought any knives — or pans — or oil — or, I dunno, stuff?!

[ Grown-ups, man... Can't live with 'em— ...can't live with 'em. Nope. He rolls his eyes as he speaks, but at his close, he widens them exaggeratedly, exasperatedly, at the camera, shaking his head as if quivering in sarcastic rage. I mean, need he say more? You can take the boy out of Italy, but... Alberto's body language always tells you everything you need to know. He rolls his head over his shoulders like he's shrugging off the sheer topic, and segues gracelessly back to the issue at hand: salt. ]

So when're you gonna come over for food? Saltless-but-delicious food!

[ He points a finger at the camera, giving a knowing, almost reproachful look, like Danny shouldn't dare question if it's gonna be good or not...! At least one of them is confident. Whether that confidence is, uh, due or not, remains to be seen... ]

You got a working kitchen?
Buy some ingredients, watch a video, and go wild.

It's amazing the kind of shit you can make in less than fifteen minutes with the right stuff in your kitchen.

My parent's kitchen. But yeah.

And that's kind of the problem. I looked up youtube videos, but there's so much there I'm not sure where to start. And half the beginner videos don't really fix the problem for why I need to learn to cook in the first place.

I figured it might be easier to talk to someone who knew what they were doing. To start at least.

Edited 2023-08-19 22:18 (UTC)

Yanno, that makes sense. Guess a lotta those videos expect you to at least know how to use a stove.

I've been cookin' for myself since I was 15, so I'm pretty good at it. My advice, start simple.
Dishes that use one or two major ingredients, with just a few seasonings.

I could walk you through making a mean fried rice.

Seriously? Thanks! That would help me out a lot.

Just one question. You know anything about cooking without salt? Cause that's kind of the big problem. I can't eat anything with salt in it. Like, at all.

Salt is an important ingredient that adds flavor, but a dish ain't broke if you don't add it. It just might not taste as strong without it, but there's other shit you can do to add flavor without addin' salt.

Using herbs, or spices can help.
Shit like chives or rosemary. Hell, even lemon or lime juice can help.

Oh, I'm a great cook! I could give you some lessons if you like?

That would be awesome! I'm kind of stuck trying to figure out where to start.

Great! We can meet up and I can go over the basics. Any ingredients I should avoid?

[Danny sighs heavily.]

Salt. Of all things, salt.

Huh.

That...makes things hard.

Oh, but I have a recipe for lentil stew that's fine without salt!

Yeah... the last few weeks have been a little rough that way.

But hey, at this point I'm willing to try anything that's edible.

Great, I'll swing by! As an added bonus, all the ingredients are pretty cheap. What time works for you?

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Did you want to play this out or handwave it?