kaisou | un: fern

WHO: Fern and open!
WHERE: Network, in front of the highschool.
WHEN: Today.
WHAT: Varian's shrine arrives.
WARNINGS: Kid having a unrequited crush on an adult.

[When the video starts it looks to be out in front of Kaisou Highschool. Not anything unusual, teenagers are all about the social media!

Except the video is focused on... a bunch of pictures? Actually, it looks more like a full-on shrine to a very handsome man named Flynn Rider.

Who is also a criminal, if that wanted poster is anything to go by.]

Ooookay, so this thing was just - in front of the school, like someone picked it up and dropped it. And I kinda get being so into someone that you get real attached to a lock of their hair....

[He really, really can't judge there, given he did it with PB when he was younger and still Finn.]

But is this a weird thing for your boyfriend to have? Is it normal for humans? Should I be worried? I -

[Fern stops abruptly when he notices a small gaggle of teenagers nearby, clustered together. A few of them have their phones out, pointed at the shrine, and they're giggling. He doesn't like that - oh boy, he doesn't like that at all. He lets out an inhuman hiss and suddenly the video is going all shaky as he starts towards them.]

Hey! Knock it off you dillweeds! You wanna sock to the face for making fun of him?!

[And then the feed goes dead. Guess who's getting detention today!]

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[Elliot opens up this post, and watches the feed.

And then he promptly closes out of the feed. Nope. He is not touching this one with a ten foot pole. He can listen to Varian's list of crimes, he can help him deal with dinosaurs, and he can even put up with his overachieving stunts in class. But he draws the line at romance. Or. whatever this thing is.

NOX, YOU DEAL WITH THIS ONE. HE'S OUT.]

[Varian wants to die. He just wants to dig a hole in the ground and die. He's been though a lot in his short life but nothing could have prepared him for the utter humiliation of high school- especially when your childhood collection shows up right at the school entrance where everyone can see it.

Luckily the ground does open up before him as if responding to his wishes and Varian, red-faced, slumps into it. This is his hole now. It's where he lives. After a while, a little arm reaches out to start pulling items from the shrine into the hole- trying his best to ignore the teenage snickering going on around him.

Fern's post is just a cherry on top of the horror, honestly. It's a Mortification Cherry.]

This is just a nightmare. This is just a horrible nightmare and I'll wake up in my bed any second.

[....Danny wasn't actually sure what to say about this. Especially since this was his first time running into Varian since their last conversation.]

....Uh, do you need some help?

[Elliot deserves a break from teenage nonsense. Let the poor guy take a nap.]

[Jun is a college student, so he can only react to this over the network. He looks very thoughtfully]

So he idolizes a criminal to the point of obsession. Interesting....

[ I've connected the dots ]

Dude, that's a book series there, isn't it? He's probably just a stan.

But what if it's a book series on the guy's crimes?

Assuming the guy's real. You've seen the bonkers shit some people do for their faves online. That boot or whatever could just be from some actor's costume.

[Don't worry, Fern's going to go scare off those other teenagers! He's even slugging one in the face! What a good boyfriend.

Then, when he catches sight of the hole and Varian's arm pulling things off the shrine, he heads back over, crouching down.]

Um, you okay?

[Dumb, stupid question.]

You're right...

[Well, that's a fair point. And it's got the wheels turning in Jun's head.

...!]

You don't think he did something to the actor to get his hair and boot do you?

The boot's probably from an old costume and the hair from a wig or something, Jun.

[As Snow White attends the same high school as Fern and Varian, it's a bit hard NOT to come across this and she blinks as she sees the shrine and then Varian's reaction. When a hand reaches up to pull one of the books in, she shoos away some of the other children, and those who won't be shooed suddenly find out what "swooping season" means from the crows.

She comes over to his hole and rests a hand on his wrist.]

Varian, sweetie, why don't you come out?

[It'll be a few minutes before Fern replies, needing to fend off those teens and all.]

Interesting? What d'ya mean by that?

Can you be sure of that?

Oh my! Should I send some of my birds to help shoo people along?

Well, it's interesting because some criminals will idolize other more famous criminals to a rather severe degree.

Yeah! You got any huge birds that can carry people off?

[Morrow would come in super handy right now.]

It's more likely than the other option.

Fern dear, it would take nine bald eagles to lift a human off the ground... and admittedly I CAN call nine bald eagles to help, but they don't live in this city.

And all the pterodactyls went home already.

[It's fine, it's all totally fine. Varian groans softly as he realises more people are coming to this circus.]

I don't know. Have you got a shovel?

[TRUE bros will bury their bros alive, Danny.]

[He's such a good boyfriend. A true hero.]

Oh, I don't know. Something from my childhood showed up here and now everyone can see it and I guess it's weird so I'm just planning on staying here in this dirt hole until I die or the embarrassment ends. Whichever comes first.

[Varian's hand was reaching for the single boot when Snow puts a hand on his wrist. He lets it flop to the ground with a petulant sigh.]

No, no no. I think I'm just gonna live in this hole now. It's fine. It's a nice hole.

While I have no doubt you would make a wonderful burrow for yourself, and you're doing all the rabbits, voles, moles, badgers, foxes, ground owls, tortoises, stoats, and really every animal that burrows proud right now, you don't belong in a hole.

[Ghaleon watches the feed to the end, closes his phone, and goes to add a shot of whiskey to his tea.

He's just... going to leave this be, because he's sure not getting paid for the war flashbacks this would inevitably cause. Not his circus, not his monkeys.]

Geez! There aren't any bigger birds here? We got tons of 'em back home, ones that are big enough to ride.

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