Text| UN: ZW🌹

[wilder]

WHO: Zelos Wilder
WHERE: Network
WHEN: 5/26
WHAT: Question Time
WARNINGS: None but it's Zelos so there probably will be

[Sup everyone, it's one of your local "aren't you dead" folks, posting to say nothing about his death]

Okay! Hypothetical question:

If you had a case of incurable insomnia, what's a good way to pass the time? Nothing with food or drink preferred.

Comments

2/2

[wilder]

[But ah. Right. Someone was going to ask eventually]

Yeah, it's another symptom. Haven't slept since March.

[wedonttalkabout]

Bring it on, mi amigo.

[Ah, but this is concerning to him- March was a long fuckin' time ago.]

I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it? Would that help?

[wilder]

Not sure there's much to talk about. We both know what this is about. [Or rather, he's not GOOD at talking about his feelings]

But hey, trying to make the most of it. Figured all those nights I let myself just sit and think probably wasn't all that great for my headspace.

[So, trying to find ways to fill the night. If he's busy, maybe his mind wonder go near those dark impulses he felt before. Progress, or at least an attempt at one]

[wedonttalkabout]

We do, but talking about it might make it, I don't know, marginally more bearable? You don't have to deal with any of this alone, remember?

And good, I'm glad. I really hope that it helps.

1/2

[wilder]

[When he reads that reminder from Bruno of "You don't have to deal with any of this alone"? Well, it's a good thing it's text because he needs a moment to fall back on his bed dramatically and go "UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH" like a sullen teenager.

Trying to better yourself and emotional honesty sucks!!! ]

[wilder]

[Okay, tantrum over. He takes a deep breath, sits back up, pushes back his hair and focuses on the phone again]

Fine fine, we can talk about how much it sucks if you really wanna know.

[wedonttalkabout]

[Have all the tantrums you like, Zelos, you know he's right!!!]

I think it's probably better than repressing it all inside yourself until you start doom-spiraling, eh?

[wilder]

You're never gonna let that one go huh?

[Of course not Zelos, and he SHOULDN'T]

It sucks. Days bleed into each other and there's just so much time that I don't know what to do with. You'd think I could be productive since I don't get sleepy, but man it doesn't stop the mental fatigue, and then nothing gets done.

[wedonttalkabout]

Nope, not ever!

[He is here to keep the doom-spiralling away as much as possible. That's just what Zelos has to live with now. This is the price of his friendship. That and the weird rat smell.]

I get that, it gets kinda fuzzy? And hard to focus. That's something you don't really get used to. It's more a case of...learning to live with it. Finding hobbies to fill the time is a good plan, though- stuff that doesn't have to be productive.

[wilder]

Figures.

[Look he can live with the first price but have you considered doing something about the rat smell bruno]

Yeah, it's just like that. You're not sleepy, but you can't work up the energy to do anything either. [It suuuucks] Right, don't try to be productive. Well, lots of people back home would call me a slacker, so guess it's time to live up to that!

[wedonttalkabout]

[The rat smell gives him character!!]

That's it! It's a pretty terrible feeling, but there you go!

See? You can just lean into that and the joke can be on them now.

[wilder]

[But you already have so much character.]

Nice to know it's not just a me thing. [He sounds flippant but it's true. When you spend your whole life being treated as some weird other thing, there's a bit of satisfaction in finding out parts of you aren't completely weird.]

Ha, yeah. That'll show them. [Not that anyone from home is here to judge him or...

...

There's a pause as he works up the nerve to admit his feelings. This stuff isn't easy]

I just hate how inhuman this makes me feel. Like maybe all those people that who acted like I wasn't one were onto something after all.

[wedonttalkabout]

[Then he gets EXTRA character!]

Weirdly it is, huh? It's like a misery loves company kinda deal.

[So positive, gosh wow.

But still, Zelos is trying to be real here, so he puts the jokes aside to focus on this.]

Well, they were wrong. I know it's hard to believe it, trust me, I do- but what other people say about you isn't actually the truth. They weren't onto anything but their own stupid preconceptions. Did any of them actually take the time to get to know you?

[wilder]

[He is trying to be real! He's making an honest effort. Which it's so awkward and uncomfortable, like a bug getting the rock he was hiding under being lifted]

Well, no, of course they didn't.

[No one did, really. Not until he came here, where he wasn't the Chosen]

[wedonttalkabout]

[Of course, they didn't. Ah, that is a familiar feeling.]

I'm sorry mi amigo. It's awful that they judged you and decided they knew everything they needed to know about you before they even bothered to know who you really are. If they had, they might have known better.

Or at the very least, their lives would have been better for bothering to get to know you.

[wilder]

[He's quiet for a moment, the words weighing on him. Would their lives have been better if they had bothered to gotten to know him? Was there anything worth getting to know about him?

"Zelos. Can I really trust you?"

He has to pinch the bridge of his nose. He hated remembering that part. Of all the people who judged him, that one hurt the most]

Yeah, well. They didn't. Not much I can do to change that now.

[his words are more cagey- defensive. Like an animal hissing from a wound being poked]

[wedonttalkabout]

[The caginess is familiar, and Bruno knows he can't keep pressing. He doesn't want to upset his friend. ]

I guess not. That's their loss, then.

[wilder]

Yeah, hope so.

[He remembers Kratos telling him Lloyd will be sad. He wonders if that's true. If the guy ever thinks about him, or if he's already lodged those memories away and moved on.

He doesn't know which would be better. ]

Sorry, can we be done with talking about this stuff?

[He'd like a break from this therapy session ok]

[wedonttalkabout]

[Bruno does, at least, pull back. No more poking the bear. He knows if their positions were reversed, Zelos would do the same for him.]

Of course, sorry. I'll let it be. Try and get...well, whatever consititutes as some rest.

[wilder]

It's fine, no need to apologize.

[Bruno didn't do anything wrong. They just reached a wound he's not ready to poke yet.

He breathes out.]

Thanks though, it did feel kinda nice getting some of that off my chest.

[wedonttalkabout]

[Boy, can Bruno understand that. Sometimes, you can only just peek at them a little and then leave them be for a while to settle down again.]

Of course, any time you need that I can listen. I don't mind.

[wilder]

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

[...]

So, still want a game night this week?

[wedonttalkabout]

Absolutely! You wanna come to Casita? We won't wake anyone up and I think it likes you.

[Because everyone wants to aspire to be liked by a house, obviously.]

[wilder]

Awww it does? First time I've charmed a house!

But sure, I can come by. I'm pretty used to slipping in and out of places at night.

[...Don't ask]

[wedonttalkabout]

First time for everything, I guess!

I am not gonna ask you to expand on that.