video; un: riftdancer

[thavnairian]

WHO: Amal and whoever!
WHERE: The network
WHEN: The last week of May
WHAT: Amal's long nap is finally over.
WARNINGS: Endwalker spoilers in some threads, if you care about that sort of thing. Mind the CWs on Zelos' thread too (abuse, indentured servitude).

[video]

[Amal is dressed a little differently today. Repping Thavnairian weave and a ribbon in his hair, he's seemingly conquered the incredible bedhead he's nursed for several weeks.]

Hey everyone! Did you think you were rid of me? Sorry to disappoint! Being exceptionally difficult to get rid of is one of my many talents, as it turns out.

My birds are acting like I was dead instead of asleep, when I don't even remember going to bed. But I remember a lot of other things—it was like I was home. Like I never left. Maybe... my body was here while my soul was there? I have no idea, but I'm awake now, and I have every reason to believe what I saw happen... uh, happened.

So. What'd I miss?

[A pause.]

Oh, and what's a BBL? I woke up to a bunch of texts from work asking if I'd 'recovered' yet.

Comments

[thavnairian]

I get it, I do. But you have to realize... they don't do alchemy the same way you and I know it. Everything is sterile and bland and there's no sense of wonder about anything... I've been to the end of the universe and back and nothing compares to a world that tests your imagination, where tall tales are likely and heroes are real. There's no magic, metaphorical or otherwise. There's no adventure.

You should never mistake having an easy life for having a fulfilling one. Maybe the road you took to get here was harder than it should have been—I've been there—but the things you learn could help you save someone else one day.

[But first Varian might fuck up and accidentally summon a world full of dinosaurs... Lessons must be learned, here.]

Sorry for the impromptu lecture. I always get chatty when I'm hungry, [he says, as if he's not chatty all the fucking time.]

[droptheious]

Oh wow, that's....bad. That sounds- just awful. [Because as much as he really did not enjoy the whole...demon trying to literally destroy his homeland and everyone in it, being in a world where there was no imagination, no adventure...well.] If you don't have a spark of imagination then...nothing new could exist.

I helped people back home. I...don't think I can ever even the scales for...the past, but I've been trying to make up for it.

[Sometimes lessons have to be learned multiple times over and that's just how it is! He offers a smile.]

It's okay, I don't mind. Uh- do you need...food?

[thavnairian]

I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe there is adventure here, but how can anyone expect to find it when they can't see the magic around them? It's different when... they awaken, or whatever you call it when people suddenly get Zodiac in their lives and start seeing elf ears and witch hats... We may as well not exist to them before then. [He sighs.] I think innovation and creativity are taken for granted in this world.

[Varian sounds like he has some personal experience with atonement. It was just a feeling Amal had, but now he's certain they have that in common.]

Part of moving away from the bad is realizing some things can't be made right. And that's normal. That doesn't mean you've failed. The most important thing is that you're trying, and even if you fall down on the way, you get up and keep walking forward.

[He returns the smile. There's some sadness behind it, but he doesn't elaborate. A bit much for a casual conversation, that.]

I should probably consider emptying the icebox, at least. Normally I'd walk up the street to the carts, but I'm a bit sore from my last big fight.

[droptheious]

Yeah that's...really weird. I have a friend who's...one of those. I was told to just treat it like she's a completely different person to the one I know back home. It's just...cosmic weirdness that's ended up with her like that. But I still don't understand how they suddenly get...yeah awakened is a good word- how they get awakened. Like...how does Zodiac do it? Why don't they do it to everyone? What makes them choose?

[Varian sure knows a lot about atonement. Not enough, sometimes, he feels, perfectionist that he is. ]

Yeah...I've heard that one, too. And I'm trying. I guess I'm still...working on that part. On the walking forward.

[Because oh boy does he try, but he still can't stop himself from looking back.]

Oh? What- um- what did you fight? If you don't mind me asking?

[thavnairian]

[Amal is quiet for a moment as he thinks on it. Alphinaud and Raha... yeah, they're not the same people. They're like the friends he had, plus a little more. He's always tried to be respectful of that, and not push more onto them than they are willing to receive.]

Maybe Zodiac doesn't choose at all. Maybe they just keep an eye on everyone, knowing that it's something that can happen, and one day—bam. Someone walks out of their apartment and sees a guy flying to work and freaks out, and then Zodiac sends a thing onto their phone.

[It seems as likely as anything.]

It's hard to master something you've only just started. Keep going.

[Forge ahead, as he had been told.]

Ah, that's...

[What is a good question, but he focuses on the who.]

He was a real force of nature. A man who was hollow on the inside, who only lived for the hunt. I was the prey he hunted. He had never known kindness, nor did he show it to others. He was so hollow even death couldn't keep its hold on him... He tried to make me into something I was not, and in the end, I still don't know if I was what he wanted.

Still... he flew across the universe to help me defeat a greater foe. Even if it was just so that we could fight one last time, he deserves to be recognized for that.

[He winces and rubs at his stomach unseen, out of frame of the camera. He's so conflicted about how things with Zenos ended. He really disliked the guy, but he could pity him, too.]

The only reason I lived through it is because I had friends to call me back. He had no one at all, and that was how he wanted it...

[droptheious]

[Varian took Fern's suggestion to heart and has been doing much the same. Catalina is a lot younger than him, and as much as he desperately misses her, he knows the one here isn't the same as the Catalina back home. It's hard, it's so hard, but he's been trying. ]

...I guess that's possible. It happens to so many people, I guess it would make sense they'd look for signs that things...changed.

[He nods at the keep trying comment. That's what he's been doing. He just ends up stumbling a lot along the way. He's at least picking himself up afterwards, even with the occasional bouts of maudlin that come with it. ]

Oh wow, that's...yeah, he sounds really awful. I'm sorry that you went through that. [And that last part- hrm. That's...important. That settles somewhere in his chest.] Everyone should have a chance to do some right by the mistakes they made. However bad they were.

[Except Gothel because fuck her, honestly. ]

Yeah. Having people to fall back on really does make the difference between going back to the light or falling deeper into darkness.

[THAT was a lesson that was hard-learned.]

[thavnairian]

Right... I think this has been happening for a while, considering how much weird stuff is established here—the shops in Undertown, for example. I don't know of anyone like me who showed up before a year and a half ago, though. That part is new.

[He's still rubbing at that scar... It'll be a couple weeks before he's ready to whoop ass again, and that's with all the best healers he knows working on him and then bedrest here... He really ought to be dead.]

... I think so, too. Ultimately, he realized that if he wanted anything, he had to connect with other people, even if it was... brief.

[Fuck that lady and he hasn't even met her but yeah he'd be in camp "push her off a tower".]

I've had some long, lonely walks in my time... but the thing about being alone in the darkness is that you can hear the voices of your friends even clearer.

[droptheious]

Right? It doesn't sound like anything is new and that's...concerning. Maybe this has always been happening.

[Varian catches the movement, frowning- he kind of wants to ask about it but he doesn't know if it would be opening up a can of worms that Amal doesn't want to discuss. He's definitely making a mental note of that one, though.]

Yeah, that's...uh. A big realisation to have and it sometimes takes a while to get there. Sometimes takes a while to hear those voices, too.

[thavnairian]

If the world had a big weird magic streak in it, why keep it secret? I guess I don't really understand the approach... One way or another, people always find out.

[Not right now, anyway. Let him heal up and he'll gladly show off all his scars.]

Sounds like you've walked a rocky road, too. But you seem like you've learned to chart the right course, or you're on your way. The good news is that you're around plenty of people who can help you.

[he may regret these words in the future... or not]

[droptheious]

They must have something to gain from hiding it. There's an angle we can't see because they've turned it in a way that's out of our eye line.

[Varian didn't trust Zodiac before and he trusts them even less now.]

...Yeah, it's- I've been through a lot. [Put other people through a lot.] But I'm really lucky to have people in my corner. That's...really helped in the healing process.