text; un: isdeceittaken

[sophistrication]

WHO: Damien 'Shadow' Lait
WHERE: Libra
WHEN: End of March
WHAT: Someone from Zodiac is now on the app
WARNINGS: Jesters



MY CITIZENS, MY PUPILS, MY DENIZENS, MY NPCS!

At last, the main character has arrived! Damien Lait--but please, just call me Shadow. Cute little nickname from when I was but a wee thing.

Ladies, Fellas, and everything in between, please hold your applause, I can only take so much.

Now, you may not know me, and that's a good thing! You see, I'm the guy--the unsung hero, if you will--that handles all that pesky little legal work behind everything you do in Zodiac's name. From your cute little explosions to your insanely annoying slip ups.

Really, it's nothing.

And all you isekai's out there? Wanna know how you're able to get on an airplane? All thanks to moi! I'm the one making up your histories.

You cannot pursue me with legal action on this.

I was content with my life filled with labours of love, until inspiration struck. I should get to know the people I'm representing! Something something community something something.

So why don't we start off with...YOU GUESSED IT! AN... (drumroll please)

I. C . E. B. R. E. A. K. E. R!!!!!

Awww, I can see the looks on your faces...the existential dread rising up through your body so it can leave this mortal plane....WELL SHOVE IT BACK IN! If you think mine are ANYTHING like that two bit hack that can't toe the legal line. Well. That's your problem.

Get those TUSHES ready!



P.S. See Janet? I can do it, too.

PPPPPPPPP.S. I know you're out there, you HALF-BAKED loser!

Comments

un:kesitakame

[hoshikiri]

[...

...

...]

I pray you do not take offense to this, but you are aware "Professional Unprofessionalist" is not applicable on a resume of this realm, correct?

[sophistrication]

INCORRECT BUZZER NOISES!

WRONG ANSWER, BUCKO!

You see, anything can become the truth as long as the right person believes it.

[hoshikiri]

[...Oh this man is one of Those but unfortunately again Takame can never be rude or he will Die.]

I'm afraid I don't follow...

voice | UN: Thorn

[poisontippedcure]

[This is it:]

[Rose is pulling out her “I’m asking for your manager” voice.”]

So, you’re the one I have to blame. Nine hundred and eighty-third runner up on Project Runway? I would at least have made it to the final hundred.

And there was no reason that you needed to include that my “senior superlative” would have been “most likely to end up in a girlfailure compilation on Vine.”

[sophistrication]

Rose, honey, no one likes a showoff.

Think of it like a self-assessment at a job (you do have one of those by now, right?) The big wigs want you to rank yourself lower because 'no one's perfect' and 'there's always room for improvement'.

You get me? You pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?

Nine hundred and eight-third is just the 'no one's perfect' of Project Runway.

text | UN: KingofHell

[lucigoosey]

Your denizens, huh?

That’s funny, I didn’t see your name on them.

[sophistrication]

Uh. Lucifer. Lucio. Lucilius. Whatever you're going by these days.

Pop quiz. How long have you been here?

the most not here a man has ever been

[revenge_guac]

[You're not affiliated with me.]

[sophistrication]

[HE'S THE UPGRADE, BABY.]

text: un:idontcare

[jaxoff]

Holy sit you really did go all out, huh, Shads. Janet is gonna bust a whole gut about this, I'm gonna go sneak to her desk so I can film it.

Aw you put little pictures of yourself on it and everything.

...

So you failed the "not be weird about your sketchy ex" challenge pretty much immediately, huh?

1/2

[sophistrication]

What did I tell ya? Worth the 30% credit or WHAT!

Seriously, send me a copy of that once you get it. My life will be extended by about...oh. 200 more years or so.

2/2

[sophistrication]

[But then, Jax just calls him out in broad daylight! With his lemon dragonfruit iced tea in hand mind you!]

My sketchy WHAT. Whew boy. Jaxxy...GOOOOD one. Good one.

It's not. No. No no no no. Nuh uh. Nope. INCORRECT BUZZER NOISES.

We have never been and NEVER WILL BE! That freak is a THIEF and owes me what's mine.

Oh yeah. And in case we ALL forgot--HE HIT ME WITH A CAR!!!

[...yeah buddy?]

[clawsomeproprietress]

[At first Cifera thinks it’s going to be another mundane yet troubling post. But as she reads through she starts grinning.]

Finally someone with a little pizazz. I was starting to think it was only boring pencil pushers over there, and that’s coming from someone with a business degree. Just because you are doing paperwork doesn’t mean you have to be lame and boring about it.

Anyways this icebreaker sounds fun so let’s see. Okay first, I got banned kicked out of an embassy for sleeping with a diplomats daughter. Second, I got fired from my last job for sleeping with the owner’s daughter. Third, I don’t like beignets.

[sophistrication]

Oh GIRL let me tell you it's

BOOOOORRRIIIIINNNG if you don't make your own fun.

I switched places with Percy Wercy in a company office move. The legal team's now over closer to Janet's desk and I just have the most primal of urges to cause her a headache every single day.

And then I had Jax put me on Libra. Luck you!

[Let him peruse your lies and truths...]

Ah, the ol' 'Two sound alike so it must be those two!' trick. A classic. The third one is tempting. But really, who doesn't like fried bread?

I'm going with the second one. You got away with it.

[Finally someone knows how to have fun!]

un: violetsmoke; text

[infezione]

[He has to take a minute or two to squint at the icon because he could swear this guy looks familiar...]

1. My grandma almost physically fought my bio-father to make sure I'd be able to take music lessons as a kid.
2. I'm not terribly picky about coffee.
3. I think reactions to Italian-American as opposed to authentic Italian food are kind of overblown.
(Anyone who immediately knows the answer offhand isn't allowed to answer right away, preserve the mystery for a little while!)

text | un: kissmyash

[switchaxe]

aw no fun babe

[sophistrication]

Finally! An actual team player instead of people wanting to talk business.

Hmmm...You do look like a tolerant sort of guy. One who just wants to 'vibe' as the kids say.

But does that fit for both...could you have a secret vendetta about cheap coffee? Is the Olive Garden an offense? Mysteries upon mysteries...

.....mm. EH! I'll play along. Number two. If there's one thing I know you don't mess with, it's grandmas.

WATCH. OUT.

Un: soleil

[myriadeclipse]

… Master Shadow.
Mm, not your best work. Perhaps a 6/10.
The build up to the finale being about what I’m guessing is your… whatever that’s for, ends up falling flat.
Needs more weaving of intention so the finale really hits.

[sophistrication]

GASP!

Do my eyes deceive me? Have my own eyes turned to lies? HUGO! HUSKI! Oh wake me UP before Hu-GO GO!

You truly, TRULY wound me, my little fruit bat of the night. I suppose this is what they call a 'controversial pilot episode'.

Really, my rating should be higher if we're talking about Janet. She's going to be seething over this ice breaker for WEEKS. Months, even!

un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

Eh. Sure, why not? I'll play along.

1. I was born 1693 in Swansea.
2. I thought one of my best friends was a man for years and then it turned out she was a woman disguising herself.
3. I met King George at a party and thought he was going to go mad one of these days.

[sophistrication]

Ahhh Captain Kenway. You HAVE been here for quite some time. How's things? Kaisou feelin' like a second home?

Honestly, could not be more impressed. You type better than some teens these days.

Now lets get down to your truths and lies. That first one SEEMS like its a lie, but you and I both know that's not the case, right?

text | un: kissmyash

[switchaxe]

eh sure why not.

1. I hate American chocolate
2. I'm so lactose intolerant it ain't funny
3. I picked my name because some punkass kid tried to bully me about it

[sophistrication]

Ok this one's good enough for some commentary, can't lie.

1. Relatable
2. NOT relatable.
3. Points for an original one. It really stirs the pot.

Let's see. American chocolate is milk chocolate, so if you're lactose intolerant then that COULD explain why you hate it but...

Eh. Let's go with it. Number....TWOOOO!!!!

text; un: bakusatsuou

[hotheaded]

holy shit
shut UP

[sophistrication]

holy shit
shut UP