[closed] when we grew up, our shadows grew up too

[consonanter]

WHO: Noah, Faye, Bailey, Alex, and Robin
WHERE: Noah's apartment
WHEN: A few days to a week after the mid-month post
WHAT: Trauma! Recovering from the hells of the Event Horizon, basically
WARNINGS: cw retelling of murder/violence and horror movie antics

[Quite frankly, Noah really doesn't know where to begin.

Bailey had come over almost immediately upon seeing his reply to Zodiac's post, had arrived in his apartment and been essentially the first person Noah had fallen apart on. He'd been on his own before that, in the living room and slowly but assuredly getting overwhelmed as people worried for him and asked about his well-being...

And may have had a panic attack that showed itself to Alex in a single reply. She showed up at his door next.

It fell like a stack of dominoes after that- Faye replied to him and couldn't keep herself together soon after, so he asked her to come visit. Not even a few hours later, she joined the other three. Which left Noah with the job of reaching out to one more person- his sister. There was the tiniest bit of hesitation at first, unsure if she'd want to spend time with all of them... but he wanted her there. So he asked.

Here and now, there's a sense of familiarity, even if things have been sort of scattered since he came home. There's a makeshift blanket fort settled in the living room, with enough space for everyone to be around each other comfortably. Bailey's brought takeout, and Noah's made krapfen and has other food ready to make if anyone wants anything else.

He's just thankful everyone's here, really. Now maybe his nerves can calm down enough that he can possibly start to slowly move past everything they've seen.]

[[BIG OL' MINGLE, feel free to put your kids up and tag around, this is gonna be a whole week-long hangout and talk alllllll over.]]

Comments

[consonanter]

[i. Sitting inside the blanket fort is a somewhat familiar pastime at this point. Noah crosses his legs underneath a canopy, exhaling as he tries to just focus on the here and now- and not dwell on the horrors that he and Faye and Robin went through in four days. His smile is soft and hands are clasped together as he breathes out, already feeling better now that he's surrounded by familiar faces.]

Thank you. For coming, I mean.

[He knows they didn't have to, but this was something they wanted to. He's so grateful for it.

ii. At some point he's moved from the floor to the couch, resting there even as other people move about and settle in for the night. He looks comfortable, honestly, and is just fine with talking to other people. But there's something very clearly bothering him, too- something that doesn't quite seem to lend itself to the spaceship or what happened there. Noah bites his lip, calm face now moving to look more uncertain, trying to process how to actually talk about what's been eating him alive from the inside-out.]

How... how do you deal with memories that prove you're a terrible person?

[How can he live, knowing that as Sunday, he went and put people into an endless dream in order to keep them happy? That he forced his ideal vision of a pain-free life onto others who even came close to Penacony's reach? That he was willing to become an Aeon and live the rest of his existence as a lonely and isolated being, focused on making a paradise that he and Robin wanted as children? How can he just go on and act like none of this bothers him, mortifies him, terrifies him?

He can't follow the ways of Order, here. There are no Paths, no Aeons. But the fear of him being unable to help, the worry that his want will turn to desperation... Noah doesn't think he'd ever choose something so drastic ever again, but can he truly promise that, in this life? Who's to say he won't just go back into old habits? If he did it once before, what's to stop him from doing it all over again?

iii. At some point, he'll grab the case for his violin and take out the instrument. There's a sort of peace found in music, and it's one Noah has used more and more as a way to speak. When words can't do his emotions justice, song does instead.

And so, he tries to voice himself. He starts. His fingers shake, and he struggles through the first few notes. The inability to play startles him, and he abruptly pauses, clearly frustrated. But it doesn't last long. Noah exhales, shaking his head, before picking up the violin once again. This time, the notes are strong, certain, and the melody plays with both grief and also hope.

Noah varies the pieces he plays through the week, going from Vivaldi's "Summer" to Zwilich's "Violin Concerto II" to Ravel's "Tzigane," and anything else in between. The songs tell the story of him slowly processing what happened, of the care and concern he had while aboard the Event Horizon, of his fear at his own death.

And what it was like to find himself alive again after everything.

Stay to listen, or request something from him, or just talk. He just needs a presence of some sort, at this point.]

[welcometomyworld]

[It reminded Robin of being shot, in a way.]

[She was ripped from reality, confronted with her own mortality, and then once again forced to go about her daily life.]

[To say that she didn't struggle would be a lie, but Robin wore her struggles differently than most people. When her brother texts her, she quickly accepts the invitation. The best way to help yourself feel better is to help others, and she's here to do her part.]

[Whether it's a smile, a hot cup of cocoa, or an offer to karaoke, Robin is eager to approach anyone and everyone at the sleepover. Come say hi!]

[consonanter]

[At some point, Noah ends up sitting beside her, hands curled in his lap and a frustrated sound escaping him. Without much warning, he tilts his head and leans against her shoulder, sighing.]

...does it ever go away?

[The trauma. The memories. The nightmares that won't seem to leave no matter what. He remembers when he was thrown from his own apartment balcony, how long that took to recover- yet this experience was so much worse. It feels almost impossible to move on from it. He doesn't know if he can.]