kaisou | static

static

WHO: Well, not Caleb that's for sure
WHERE: Who the heck knows
WHEN: The Bad Time
WHAT: Fake Friend TV
WARNINGS: Whatever you bring with you. So. Swearing?

[The video opens up with...well, honestly something that looks like it came out of a found footage film. It's all shaky cam, but as it goes you can see what looks like a frozen landscape, a theme park at night, a seashore somewhere, and even a few places from around Kaisou like the harbor and Phoenix Wonderland. Closer inspection, though, shows that they're all just pictures of these places, posted somewhere on a wall.

Then, a voice Like Caleb's But Not speaks from somewhere behind the camera.]

Meh, lame. [The camera whirls around to focus on the speaker, and unless Caleb got a botched dye job and weird contacts this is not him. His hair is half silver, half black and his eyes are an unnatural gold.] Just like Caleb, I guess~

[He grins. It's unsettling.]

Yeah, I guess you don't need me to tell you that I have him. No, you can't see him. He and I are going to go on a little trip to the stars. We're not coming back, so don't wait up for us. Or come looking for us. Not that any of you will, because let's be honest.

[He leans in to the camera, still grinning.]

None of you actually like this idiot loser. So you can stop pretending to care by spamming his phone with texts and voicemails~ And, actually...

[The Shadow pulls away and tosses the phone he's using into the air. The last thing you hear or see is a baseball bat making contact with the phone.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Another one of these messages? Jun watches, but he's caught off guard when he realizes he recognizes this person.]

Wait, I saw this guy a couple days ago. I was walking in an alley after the art fair when I saw him arguing with an old blond hippie guy. Or I guess he looked like that one Hulk Hogan wrestler guy?

[Around the time you read this description? Anyone with previous interactions with Dickson and Douman will be able to remember them more clearly. Aka the memory charm is gone!]

Edited 2024-05-08 19:42 (UTC)

[Clear across town, Ardyn feels a disturbance.]

That fake daemon bastard-!

??

[JESUS CHRIST, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM CALM DOWN HE'S JUST GETTING SOME GROCERIES.]

Bloody fucking hell, I know whose thrice-damned voice that was.

[He’s been puzzling over this since Rose’s dungeon! And now he’s gonna log off so he can scream in privacy and not, like, break his cover over the Internet.]

You do?

[He does not know what Edward is talking about, but you know what he'll just roll with it]

Edited 2024-05-09 16:46 (UTC)

When we went to save Rose! I recognized Teresa’s voice from the network, and Blade’s, but there was another one I swore I’d heard before but couldn’t clearly recall.

[A beat.]

Well, now I do! It’s the bloody jester!

[And then he is going to shut his phone off again so he doesn’t say something incriminating even on a private line.]

[.....

Jun, who had not talked to Douman, has no idea what Edward means by the jester. And before he can ask who the hell that is, Edward goes offline.

Well uh.

Okay then.

✔️ Read ]

...

[ he's lived the last 15 years only taking care of numero uno. It was him against the world, away from the world.

And now he's standing in a gaudy kitchen that isn't his, in a similar spot where he, Caleb, and Noct used one of his bootleg waffle makers to make DIY smores not even two weeks ago.

And there's a feeling that's louder than the Laughter's echoing noise in his ears. And he's not sure what the sound is. ]

Hey, buddy, this is ... just a joke, right? It's a joke, huh? Funny jokes are my favorite.

There's no train to the stars here, pal. So let's talk about this reasonably, huh?

No, Caleb—!!

[Noctis’s horrified shout cuts off when the baseball bat shatters the phone. For a long moment he’s quiet, and all anyone hears is harsh breathing.]

…I’m going to find him. I’m gonna get him back.

[Then, in a low, dangerous tone, meant clearly for whoever kidnapped Caleb:]

And once he’s safe? I’m coming after you.

"Please don't do anything foolish."

A pause.

"And let me know what I can do to help."

I’ll be fine.

[A beat.]

Stay alert. Dan Heng says he’ll send out a public text once he finds the gate’s location. We’ll all meet up there.

"Your 'fine' sometimes is worth worrying about, you know."

Don't even get her started on your sleeping habits, mister.

"Alright. I'll make sure I'm ready to go."

Read: getting everything she needs stocked in her magic closet space.

Edited 2024-05-09 03:01 (UTC)

[Kafka watches and Kafka waits.]

[She’s been quiet this month, but that doesn’t mean she’s stopped being observant. She saw the people get taken; the former Black Order kid and Bladie’s little cat friend.]

[No part of her had anticipated Caleb getting kidnapped.]

[She’s furious. Every part of her is telling her to threaten the Order. She knows better. Her powers aren’t particularly important to her, but not having them means it will be more difficult to rescue Caleb.]

[So she goes anon.]

I’m coming for you.

Stay strong for me.

And for those of you who took him, you’re in for a rough ride. I live a life free of fear, do you think the thought of dying is enough to stop my pursuit?

Run all you like, I’ll find you.

xoxo

[Sometimes as anger blinds a person, they find clarity within that fire.

Maybe because of what lack of it earned him in each of his past lives.

Even this response came with a great delay trying to seek out that clarity through all the red. But Wei Wuxian found a goal.

To save his friend while he wasn't too late. And to send a fucking message.]

I've seen more frightening shadows than this outside of the Order. I'll have to introduce the ones who took my friend away to them.

After we get him back.

[ jing yuan watches silently, his expression still as the water on a pond. three is a trend and a trend he cares very little for, there are players in the game who are disturbing the board. moving pieces that are not theirs the move and hoping it will spur the masses into giving them what they want.

this tactic will not work, it was always destined to fail. and now they have taken someone they truly should not have taken. ]

You will be surprised how many will come to my friend's rescue. No matter the life, the Galactic Batter will always have an ally in Divine Foresight and he will not sit idly by while his life is threatened.

Then, I think, it will be time to deal with the weeds in the garden.

[Argenti is a man who is not the type to be immediately quiet upon seeing something from a friend. Nor is he one who assumes the worst. But here? Both are happening at the same time, and he does not offer any sense of confusion or concern.

Instead, all he says is this.]

There is a saying we have in Italy- a few, to be perfectly honest, but this one is perhaps the best.

Non sai con chi hai a che fare.

["You don't know who you're dealing with."

Argenti exhales, tone perfectly still and angry.]

Caleb. We will find you and bring you back safely. And for those responsible? Pray I do not find you first.

Edited 2024-05-08 22:37 (UTC)

[Being unable to contact Caleb has had a sinking feeling in his gut. Now that he's seen this post, he feels the storm that runs through his veins all the more keenly. A hurricane is forming within his heart, as it did with Mara's madness. Dan Heng clenches his fists for a moment before relaxing.

When he finally responds, his voice is a cold fury.]

The Nameless do not abandon their own. We will get him back, and nothing will save you from the storm afterwards.

I'm going to pinpoint the location of the Gate Caleb is in. I'll send a public text once I've found it.

…thanks.

[A long pause.]

I’m—sorry, I didn’t say anything sooner. I was trying to find him on my own.

[Noctis’s decision-making is not spectacular when his grief is calling the shots.]

[Dan Heng hesitates, and he can feel Vritra listening with keen interest to his thoughts. He closes his eyes with a quiet sigh.]

I will accept your apology, if you give me your word to not make the same mistake twice. Not telling us anything may cost you more than you're willing to pay in the future.

That said... I understand where you were coming from in trying to handle it on your own. We will find and rescue him with you. You have my word.

You have my word too, then. If something like this happens again, I’ll call first.

[He means it.]

…he said he was going dumpster diving, if that helps. [Trash raccoon is gonna trash raccoon, apparently.] I’ve been working my way through the city’s alleyways and I haven’t found anything yet, but I’ll send you a list of his favorite dumpsters and you can start there.

Alright.

[Dan Heng will take him at his word. Noctis sounds like he means to follow through.]

Understood. I'll get started right away.

[He's not losing another friend like this.]

[Inhale. Exhale.]

Right then. Time to get some prep done, I think. Just hang in there, Caleb... we'll be there as soon as we can.

... And whoever took him: I'd suggest you better start praying to whatever gods you believe in. Not sure it's gonna help any given how many people you've pissed off, but it'll probably do you some good to make your peace.

[It takes a while for Blade to get to this, because his initial reaction was so bad that Dan Heng confiscated his phone with no question (and rightly so, but still).]

In a life I half-remember, we were on the same team. Unless it was part of the script, no one was to be left behind... and not for long.

The Paths we tread are different now, but this fact remains.

We'll bring him back. We'll bring him home.

Count on it.

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