5; i want out of this town

[medicgunner]

WHO: Eunie and You
WHERE: A New Shop has opened up next to Auguries of Innocence
WHEN: 3/1
WHAT: its dollar tree but worse
WARNINGS: ... i'm putting a preemptive nsfw text warning here.

[So you, like Eunie here, were minding your silly little business on a Friday afternoon. Maybe having a read or doing some work. For Eunie's part she was going to pay her favorite demon guys a visit.

But she happened upon something horrifying. A store called Poundland.

That is now on the video feed. And people familiar with the area will know it to be Brick fucking Alley of all places.

And here's Eunie with the commentary.]

When the BLOODY HELL did this place open in the States?!

Comments

voice | un: kissmyash

[switchaxe]

What is it?

[medicgunner]

D'you know those Dollar Stores they got here?

It's like that, but it's even worse.

[switchaxe]

...that ain't possible.

[He's been in Dollar Stores here. He's been in Euroshops back in Germany. Surely they're not that bad.]

voice; un: silverrose

[fionnuisce]

...Fuck this city.

[medicgunner]

I thought we were free of 'em, Professor.

[fionnuisce]

Hell is real and we're in it.

[thewarriorqueen]

"I'm sure this'll make me sound horribly ignorant, but... What's so bad about it? It just looks like some convenience store?"

She really had no idea.

[medicgunner]

It's a budget store in the UK that's got the worst vibes a store can have. Even worse than a Dollar Store 'round here in the States and the crap they sell isn't any better.

[And that's saying a lot considering Dollar Store Quality.]

[thewarriorqueen]

"On the one hand, there's areas out in the country where you're lucky to even have a Dollar Store in town.

"On the other hand, I can see what you mean..."

Video: UN: hotgoss

[bebest]

[Okay that looks like TACKY GARBAGE, but Zulius has noticed something SUPER fun.]

Oh my GOOSE is that next to the Auguries? [He giggles.] Oh man, Zergil is gonna hate that!

[This is SO MUCH fun!!!]

What is it? Is it a sex shop? It sounds like a sex shop. Please tell me a sex shop opened next door to Vergil Vittore's store. Please. Is he now the neighbouring Kingdom to Poundland?

[medicgunner]

Pound's like the currency in this case. It's a budget store for people who don't got a lot of money.

[...]

But they do sell sex toys.

[bebest]

You know, I think I like mine better. I can make more jokes with the other pound one. A little fun for me, y'know? As a TREAT!

[A treat for him, misery for Vergil!]

NO WAY! Budget sex toys? What do they even LOOK like?!

voice: un: darkSlayer

[kowase]

I am sending in a personal complaint.

In triplicate.

[medicgunner]

Like that'll work, but go off.

[sorry but as war flashback-y as this is vergil she's laughing at you kind of]

video; un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

Doesn't look that bad. I passed by it on my way to Auguries and I bought instant cappuccino.

[medicgunner]

It's not bad if it's all you got, then you get older and you really learn how bloody weird the place is.

[That instant cappuccino is either gonna be the best in the world or it's gonna fuck you up, Ed. There's no in between.]

[jackdawvision]

Is it? I'm sure it's not so bad as all that.

[This is coming from a guy who's never even been in a Poundland before and who didn't even know about electricity until last year.]

And everything's really quite cheap, as well! Barely a dollar for a packet of noodles, that's bloody brilliant.

Voice | UN: Hathorne

[oscarminer]

[Well, well, well. Teresa has been wondering if one of the deserters would show up, and sure enough. They have.]

Eunice. I see you are in good health.

1/2

[medicgunner]

[Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck shit god fucking shitting mother fucker on a bloody fucking basket this absolute fucking CU]

2/no.

[medicgunner]

[Immediately, there's a disconnect tone. She's not fucking doing this, she's going bird and flying the FUCK away from here.]

[oscarminer]

[That's alright. Hunting season will start soon once she's compiled her notes and sent them off to HQ.]

private voice;

[jackdawvision]

Lass, when you get this, call me back.

voice: un: bar_cat75

[wiseoldbartender]

[Oh, HELL naw. You know what, let's have a stalling tactic so Eunie doesn't have to deal with this today. ]

CLICK-CLICK. Brrr.

Your message has been redirected to the Fucks To Give Line. Please insert the number of fucks you wish to give today and an operator will be with you momentarily.

CW: alcoholism and people wishing death on them for it!

[oscarminer]

[The cats are about to fight.]

Well, if you're going to offer, Husk, then you should know by now how little we tolerate those who turn their backs on The Order. That we have been turning the other cheek for your habits is already toeing the line.

Perhaps one day you'll atone for that and your mistakes in mentoring Guardian Fiore by being found dead in a ditch.

voice; theprofessional

[sg09r]

Back the fuck off from her.