kaisou | 5; video; un: kesitakame

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beredvyn of nal

5; video; un: kesitakame

WHO: Takame and you
WHERE: Network
WHEN: Tail end of December
WHAT: A little question
WARNINGS: Should be none besides massive FFXIV spoilers

[There is a video feed on, but it only shows a familiar scaly hand fiddling with an orange crystal that may also be familiar to some. Any other Warrior of Light or people very close with Takame would recognize it.

Takame’s voice came clear through, sounding the same as always. His regular amount of neutral monotone, though at the edge it faded into something a little sad.]

I’ve a question for those who, ah... who did not come from other realms. Those who began to remember their past lives be it after acquiring the Libra app or prior. I’m... curious.

[A long pause, setting the crystal down and instead beginning to drum his fingers next to it.]

How... how do you feel about it? Recalling memories of who you were from a life that was once "yours", I mean. I am unsure how one is supposed to feel experiencing something like that. I would like to know how.

[And suddenly showing Azem's crystal on screen made sense to those who knew. Takame was not bitter towards the situation of being Azem's shard. What he really wondered was if he should be.]

That is all.

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Honestly? I don't care. Yeah, sometimes it's annoying when I misremember what happened to who, but like...that's not me. That August had a different life entirely, so even if we're the same person at our core I do things he wouldn't, and he did things I sure as fuck wouldn't.

I don't need to ask what this is about--

[Rose is also 100% not the audience for this question, but she comes in with big "I'm not a Lawyer, But--" energy.]

I want you to know, that regardless of what anyone says, you're still you.

Who can possibly pin down any one answer to such a thing?

Though were I to try, I think it would come down to simply 'history repeats', or that some people need to learn the same lessons twice before it actually sinks in.

I see.

[Another long pause.]

I've... I've told others something similar, I've never considered it for myself. In the end, 'tis what is done in this life that matters... [And yet he still sounded kind of down.]

[There's a considerable delay where he's just quiet, even his hand moves off frame and there's a sigh heard.

And immediately he switches the feed to private.]

... But who am "I"? I do not have an answer to that question.

I want to know... if how I feel about them is how I am supposed to feel.

But it's harder to take that sorta advice yourself?

That's a pretty heavy topic to end the year on.

[A sigh.]

Worried, I guess. There's a pattern to my past life that's similar to the life I'm living now, and I don't want to end up going too far down that road. The best I can do is try to avoid walking into the same mistakes I made back then, but...

[He shrugs.]

That's a little bit harder than you might think.

[Hells, this fucking guy.

Worse: When one of the biggest arseholes you know makes a point that you agree with.]

Hence why I am asking for multiple perspectives.

I suppose I cannot argue that from my own eyes. Fate has a means of circling back around. That does not mean attempts cannot be made to break said fate.

[Rose stays quiet for a moment. It's noticeable, because normally she speaks without thinking.]

I'm not sure that any of us do. I used to think I knew who I was, but this last year has proved otherwise.

[Thanks murdercabin!!!!]

But I don't believe there's a way you are "supposed to feel" about it. I'm sure if you asked both Scintilla and I, or even Amal--not that we can anymore--you'd receive different answers. The way you feel is the way you feel. There's no right or wrong about it.

[ its a topic he's thought about many times before, so of course he's tempted enough to answer, but he's still tentative as he flicks this thumb over the respond button. ]

At first, truth be told, I was uncertain about it. That such a phenomenon was possible. Skepticism was easy, especially given that I am something of a scientific mind. The idea that the soul could "remember" previous life seemed preposterous.

And then when it became more apparent that it was not only possible, but real--for a short time, I was scared.
Uncertain that what was happening to me was something I wanted, fearful that I'd become "someone else," that I would "lose" myself to someone who already had their turn, who lived their life already.

...Now that I have remembered so many things that the line is, sometimes, blurred between Who I Am and Who I Was--I can say that there's nothing to fear about it.

I am still Me.

I just have some memories and experiences that are older than I am, and that I have to learn to live with knowing--

Or use to my advantage.

Perhaps remembering a past life is ... still a discomfort for some. But for me, I have decided I am ... grateful to have remembered.

HONestly, at first it was super weird. My past life was way different than this one. Even if you don't count all the being-a-centaur stuff. And sometimes things get a little hinky when the memories like...overlap and stuff? But honestly, I try to remember that isn't really me now, it's a different version of me. Sure, I can learn from what Other Me did, but it doesn't mean I'm like, locked into following that same path, y'know? My story's still MINE, it's just got like, a prologue now, too.

[He's gonna nod at the orange crystal.]

Watcha got there, Buddy?

Ah. I... I suppose you are right, my apologies. It wasn't my intent to upset anyone...

[WHAT IF HE JUST DELETED THE POST RIGHT NOW AND NEVER SPOKE OF IT AGAIN.

No, that would just be dishonest. Goddammit. Takame could understand that fear, though.]

Mm. We cannot guarantee what will happen in any of our lives. [A pause, trying to figure out the right thing to say. There's the sound of his hands drumming against a surface even faster.]

I, ah... I've seen cycles broken regardless. [A little more confidently:] Within this city especially. 'Tis possible, this I know for certain.

Mm. Exactly.

That's exactly what it means. I can still remember a time when fate was considered beyond even the domain of the gods themselves. And I could easily name a handful of tales almost older than I am, where one meets his destiny on the very path taken to avoid it.

[If only Rose knew the sheer depths that Takame didn't know himself.

If only Takame knew how to express that. Or the fact that he's come into his own more than he thinks.]

I...

I suppose you're right. I...

[Another delay.]

... I feel thankful for Azem, Rose.

[Temper spiking, rare defiance typing.]

Have you tried?

What, and make things worse for myself? I should think not.

[Any and all views Takame was glad to see. Vittore has an interesting perspective on a lot of things, he was an interesting man though Takame knew relatively little about him. So he took in those words, delaying his own response as a result.

Did this mean it was okay to feel how Takame did about Azem, he wondered. To feel gratitude.]

It is not easy, I imagine. [There's a comparative lightness in his tone.] Thank you, ser Vittore.

Hey, no, don't worry about it. Just a lot to think about right after Christmas, when I was planning to transform into a couch.

[His voice is light, even a little bit teasing. See, no harm done.]

Possible, yeah. Probably easier for some than others, it's... [He pauses a moment. Lets out a breath.] I say that because for some of us, breaking out of those cycles means going against what's at our core. Like—my past life and I can't turn our backs on someone who needs help. Even if that means continuing the cycle.

A prologue... I see. [Said fondly. That was a very Zulius way to answer the question and that was really all Takame needed to hear. From this Zulius. The only one he knew.

Still... a prologue. A wonderful way to think of it, Takame thought. He took the crystal into his hand again.]

This is something very important to me. [...]

I suppose you could say it is a remnant of my own "past life".

How will you know if you never try?

Terrified.

I know that most people here likely wouldn't be, but these memories I have are of horrors so dreadful I still shudder to recall them. The worst part is that the same fate almost befell me in this life—it was only desperation that saved me now.

[In the most deadest of voices]

Every time I recall a memory, I have to add another month to the time I'll spend in therapy.

0/10, do not recommend.

[~~Sorry Eugene~~

Takame... tried to relax a bit. Hard for someone like him, but so long as he didn't upset anyone. ~~cept like Ardyn~~]

... Mm. I... I understand that, in a way. 'Tis difficult when bearing witness to another's suffering to stand idle.

Even that cycle is one that is continued... I believe that simply makes you a good person. Someone worthy of being relied on.

That's a mood. I dunno what I can do [other than suggest a therapist but you're a Warrior of Light and August is not stupid], but if you need help or something, lemme know?

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5; video; un: kesitakame

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