kaisou | [treasure 5] instructions unclear, am standing in a field mildly on fire

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[treasure 5] instructions unclear, am standing in a field mildly on fire

WHO: Gilgamesh, the network, you?
WHERE: a network post and the Hyrule stable gate
WHEN: handwavey early December for the post, throughout the month of December for the hiking adventures
WHAT: sometimes you're the CEO of a lot of different shit and your secretary was really good at her job so you didn't realize exactly how much work you got to ignore because she did the sorting for you and it's only a matter of time before someone calls a coup and also your happy place is out in the wilderness for totally legitimate reasons not even slightly related to wandering around with your dead best friend from a former life. really.
WARNINGS: none off the top of my head

un; AUO, voice post; on the network itself

As Ms. Takamaki has decided to focus on her studies, I find myself wholly reminded of exactly how invaluable a competent secretary truly is; therefore--

[ he sounds terribly put upon, with a long-suffering drawl that it is incredibly certain of how important it is and within a few seconds of it anyone familiar with Vergil Vittore will hear him in the background, cutting in with a 'get to the point, Gilgamesh'.

the silence drags for a moment, as if it means to coalesce and launch itself at the secondary participant's head. then Gilgamesh sucks in a breath, sucks his teeth, and speaks again. ]

I'm hiring. Must be eighteen or older, send over any references or previous experience secretarial work. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to ask employment advice from the man who just hired employees for the first time this year, since he clearly knows everything about successful staffing and I simply must pick his brain for the soundest of advice.

[ somebody's gonna wish he'd simply insulted how Gilgamesh was dressed again. ]

in Hyrule; because sometimes you want to touch grass and harass the locals

[ legally distinct from Hallmark movies and dear friends who refuse to let you duck out of your responsibilities are temporary, but nature is forever. Gilgamesh likes nature, and he's got a habit of finding his way out to the Hyrule stable gate to do nature things--running, jumping, climbing trees, looking for weird leaf children while he's up there. any other roamers are perfectly fine to find the king out and about--carrying rocks around, or standing on piles of logs, or crunching through an apple as he considers a line of statues and their current offering situation, or if they're truly fortunate, they might find the king by a fire, putting some actual decent cooking skills to use?

and if they're even luckier, they might find the king... seeing the other side of his luck, for what has Luck EX must also experience the back half of being the man ahead of the bell curve.

climbing through hills and plains and trees and the like have their consequences, but usually Gilgamesh is too solitary to let other people see them--but if you time it right, you might catch him dangled from a tree, or going ass over end down a hill, doing an okay doggy-paddle in the river, or having made the dumb decision to venture into a cave and ending up stuck like some of my spicier fanfics.

'tis the season for the king and the pauper to be equals, after all; karma is magnanimous, meticulous, and malicious. ]

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[Thunk went the end of a tremendous greatsword as it flew into a high point of a particularly thick tree trunk like a javelin; a split second later followed a streak of magenta-colored light, and in a burst of magic a particularly scruffy man in dark clothes appeared. Hanging from the sword's hilt by one hand as though it were the most natural thing in the world, he regarded Gilgamesh with a small smile that lacked anything resembling warmth or humor that wasn't derisive.]

Lovely weather out here, isn't it?

[The normal greeting one gives to someone stuck in a tree.]

[Sometimes, one needs a break from slamming back hot cocoa after putting together script after script.

Hyrule happens to be a perfect break, all things considered. He's in here often enough anyway.

There's certain things you expect when you wander through Hyrule, though--mobs of Bokoblins or other monsters, the typical wildlife, the occasional crime against common sense wrought of green goo and whatever materials happen to be around...

Things Fugo, specifically, does not expect in Hyrule: to see his employer's ludicrously rich friend tumbling ass over apple cart down a hill.

He's quick to make his way down after--carefully so, however.]

H-hey! Are you alright?!

I can’t say I’ve ever done purely secretarial work, but it can’t be too hard.

[On the other end of the line, Kafka smiles.]

I do have plenty of experience managing a busy schedule, and meeting with important people. If you’re willing to pay me what I want, I could consider your offer.

[ sometimes, your brain tells you that you have the physicality to do something, and that physicality comes at the expense of your body being strong enough and big enough to do the thing, and the world just isn't ready for it

which is all a convoluted way to say that Gilgamesh had been climbing in trees and the branch hadn't taken kindly to it, so one good snap later and he was dangling with one leg caught while the rest of him just sorta chilled

sometimes you just gotta chill; especially when there's a whole thing happening of weaponry in wood and a sudden man dangling with you, having decided to make his own proverbial tree branch to hang from, and does the tree deserve all this abuse? the world stands by in concern.

Gilgamesh does his best to shrug while upsidedown. ]

Good for hanging around in, I've found.

[ a normal response from someone stuck in said tree. ]

[truly, the universe is uncaring to the plight of a single tree and those within it on this nice december afternoon.]

Serviceable, indeed. But you look to be in a bit of a situation, don't you?

[ he almost wishes he'd taken the hot cocoa option. you can put wine in hot cocoa, you know? and then you don't have to regret your choices, or your ankle doing a whole thing when you were trying to find your footing down a hill, and you don't have to form a beautiful gold and black circle as you go ouroboros style from very high to very low, landing with a spectacular flop on your back and a wheeze noise as all the air leaves your lungs and the sun swims rainbow-bright in your eyes.

there's a sound above him, and he wonders if it is perhaps whatever spiteful god he's caught the attention of today come to gloat at its workings. ]

Peachy. Haven't managed to kill me yet.

[ ... wheeze. ]

Edited 2023-12-05 01:17 (UTC)

[ the universe is a bitch and could do with dishing out a break or two, you know? ]

Oh, a touch, but the view's interesting so. It's not as bad as it could be.

[ he might be carefully trying to find a place to hook his other leg, folding up so that the blood stops pooling in his head quite so much. ]

It's nothing too terribly intricate, I feel. Keep my schedule from snarling up too much, tell the people who don't need my attention that they don't need it while forwarding the people who do to me. I sit down to do it myself and it irritates me so much that I just stop doing it, which leads to a grand predicament for everyone else.

On one hand, I don't care and they can sort it out. On the other hand, I'd like not to be kidnapped and forcibly taken back to Europe, so perhaps it's better to take the devil's details for myself, in any case.

[ sometimes you're just used to scary women, man. the alarm bells aren't jangling. ]

Were you looking for something fulltime or parttime, and what prior experience do you have? I can be very generous with compensation for appropriate talent.

[Oof. Fugo frowns just a bit more.]

Well, there's something to be said for still being alive... [He pauses, before adding--] If you need healing at all, I'm more than capable of it?

Hm, I've certainly seen worse sights from worse angles.

...So at which point should I warn you that branch is cracking?

Edited 2023-12-05 01:28 (UTC)

Oh, is that all? Should be easy. I can be very persuasive when it comes to people.

[And not always with violence! But always with the perceived threat of violence.]

I can handle myself well enough with a sword, too. Should something happen and you find yourself captured, I would be able to make those responsible regret their decision.

[For the rest of their very short lives.]

As for my previous work, you could say I was in charge of cleaning up loose ends. The devil’s in the details, after all.

One does one's best, you're quite welcome.

[ hmn. that sure is a crack. ]

A minute ago would've been better. Now is fine.

[ time to try and pull some kind of psuedo-servant bullshit off. he may not land on his feet, but he also won't land on his head. probably. ]

[ Gil's just gonna lay there for a minute, arm over his eyes as he waits for his vertigo to reset. ]

Alive is good, right? Far better than the opposite, even if the bruises I'll have tomorrow beg to differ. [ a beat of consideration. ] I don't think anything's broken, but I'm also not much of a healer outside of paying for the ambulance, if you want to take a look.

[ he's gonna sit up. Slowly. ]

[Yasuho hems and haws over this a good bit- on the one hand SHE has studies.

On the other she has what amounts to a digital version of herself on her personal devices that makes most relevant tasks pretty simple to juggle.

...

Also she's broke.] I don't have secretarial experience,

[She says, as Paisley packages her resume off Anyway,]

But I have experience organizing and recording information on my own time for any number of reasons,

[So she adds, thinking one part of her research projects, another of that one time she and Ritsuka tried to help a guy understand teenagers. Oh well!]

...And I'm pretty adaptable!

[...She swears it-]

Honestly, it had been a relatively uneventful month, all things told. Sure, she'd had a very emotional talk early in the month, and there was that whole small matter of getting accidentally cursed thanks to Jinwoo's bad luck, but overall there hadn't been any real trouble to speak of. When it came to Christmas itself, well, Ritsuka didn't even think much of the fact that she wasn't spending it with anyone in particular, it hadn't really been much more than a social holiday for here. But when she realized that New Year's was approaching and she was a world away from home twice over, now... Well, suffice it to say the homesickness hit her hard.

Hard enough, in fact, for her to reach out to the one person remaining in Kaisou who also had any memories of Chaldea at all. And lucky for her, a jaunt into Hyrule was just the sort of distraction she was hoping for. She didn't even bother asking what if anything Gil had in mind--maybe it was exploration, maybe looking for more of those koroks, or perhaps even using her as bait to lure unwary Yiga into attacking--but that was fine. Ritsuka just needed one of the closest things she had to a familiar face around here.

So it was with a mix of a certain subdued loneliness and more overt curiosity that she headed through the gate and started looking around for where Gil had said to meet. The now ever-present tail she still couldn't quite banish twitching slightly as she did her best to hold against the peculiar pressure that came with traversing the spirit realm in human form now, Ritsuka hurried over as soon as she spotted the golden-haired man.

"Gil!"

... Hopefully he hadn't been waiting too long or something, a bored or impatient Gil never boded well.

Honestly a whole bunch of my staff I got from the app and they're all great. Sure, you'll have some people who aren't from this corner of the galaxy and you'll have suuuuper fake paperwork to process, but at least they're way more understanding of the weird stuff that goes on around here than normie staff are.

[Still. Poor, put upon Gil. With only amusement and not a hint of seriousness in his tone:]

Careful, he might poach your staff from you, too. You can't trust him, he's sneaky!

Duly noted.

[By the time Gilgamesh got back to his feet in surely the most dignified manner possible, Ardyn was already at ground level with no sword in sight; how he managed that was anyone's guess, but the nearby shadows probably had something to do with it.]

Well, that was fun.

[The first part earns a snort.]

Well, if nothing else, I can at least take care of those bruises so you'll not have to deal with their protesting later.

[He kneels by Gil's side and starts carefully checking him over.

... Honestly, he'll do some quick healing anyway, just to make sure the man's alright.]

[ notes in hand, Gilgamesh goes free falling in a way that'd make Tom Petty long for the good old times with Christian girls having complex examinations about their faith and burgeoning senses of sexuality and manages to flip himself, cat-style, so that he's tucking and rolling past Ardyn when he makes it to the ground, taking a minute to just.

breathe.

contemplate the sky.

sit up and dust himself off. ]

Well. What a terrible tree. [ as he hauls himself up, rubbing a sore shoulder as he turns to regard Ardyn and the offending flora with all the conceit of a man who's never been made to feel less than in his life. ]

Horrendously rude of it.

[Without missing a beat or questioning a single thing about Gilgamesh's demeanor, of course. Ardyn put forth the appearance of someone who simply had nothing left to be surprised by.]

[ it's a good way to be, frankly. the sooner you learn to roll with the wild bullshit, the sooner you can get ahead of it and become the master of the tides.

he sizes Ardyn up for a minute, thoughtful, working some kingly math in the back of his head before coming to a conclusion. ]

So tell me about that sword trick you pulled. I'll pay you in kind with a secret about the tree.

"Hm...in all genuine honesty, I can't say that I know."

He shrugged in clear indifference, hands in his pockets as he looked up to where they'd both been in the tree.

"I found the sword not terribly long ago, and the odd little teleportation came along with it. I should estimate it's either something I was capable of in a past life, or the atmosphere of this city's having more effect than I expected."

It's a touch disappointing that it doesn't appear to be a teachable trick, but there's very little in life that truly brings Gilgamesh to heel. He also takes a look at the tree--and at an apple hanging in high bough above the now-broken branch that flops listlessly against the tree's trunk.

The calculating look comes back to him.

"Do you think you can pull it off long enough to pluck that apple up there?"

Ardyn hummed thoughtfully, massive crimson greatsword reappearing almost lazily in his hand...

...only for the end of it to be planted in the ground for its owner to lean on the hilt with no intention of going anywhere just yet.

"Perhaps I could. Is that what you were after when this tree so callously betrayed you?"

Which is fair enough! Gilgamesh hasn't explained shit nor fuck, after all, so why go lobbing one's self into a tree for some what might well be some unknown's weird fruit picking fetish?

"Indeed. Look at this tree--and the two trees on either side of it."

He takes a few steps back so that he can point at the trees.

The uncannily similar trees. Near identical, one might argue.

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[treasure 5] instructions unclear, am standing in a field mildly on fire

hyrule

Hyrule

un; Arachne, voice

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voice; un: AUO

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un: musicologyminor

Hyrule, late December

voice: UN: hotgoss

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