kaisou | video | un: captainkenway

Entry tags:

edward kenway,
kni

video | un: captainkenway

WHO: Edward Kenway and you!
WHERE: Midtown apartment.
WHEN: After he gets some Gacha Goodwill treats from the free bin.
WHAT: Local pirate Assassin is a little bit out of his depth.
WARNINGS: Blanket Assassin’s Creed warnings (most relevant: mentions in narrative and dialogue to murder and conspiracies). Mentions of alcoholism and alcohol-induced hallucinations.

[Scene: a Midtown apartment. It’s a bit cheap-looking and quaint, but already signs of life have popped up here and there: a ship in a bottle, a pirate flag pinned up on the wall, some leather armor hanging off a coat rack. The camera swings around, manned by someone who’s not entirely used to this level of technology but is getting the hang of it, until it stops and focuses on the kitchenette.

And on what is in the kitchenette, which is a rat, having somehow assembled some kind of stepladder, diligently cooking a pot of stew. It’s very good at it, carefully measuring out the ingredients before pouring it into the pot, and it even has a soundtrack playing as it cooks.

Then the cameraman speaks.]

You’re all seeing this, right? And hearing this? Because I’m not sure whether to hope that this is a fever dream brought on by perhaps too much rum, or if this is real and I have a rat cooking for me now.

[A beat. Then, aggrieved:]

Bloody hell, how does it smell better than anything the Jackdaw’s cook ever came up with?

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[A bat who is perhaps the same size as, maybe smaller than the rat, answers on video.]

Oh my!

I could never dream of that sort of mastery- I've a difficult enough time simply flipping the pages of a book! And you say he just started using your kitchen without a word?

Remarkable!

[The camera gets set down, and the rat stays in its field of view, still cooking. There’s a long, long silence from behind the camera, and the sound of pacing footsteps and faint grumbling of some kind of sorcery or else I’m a lunatic now. Then:]

Yes. Even got into the—the cold box, where you store your food? [It’s called a fridge, Edward.] I didn’t even know he was using it until I woke up and he was already at work. If I were to guess at what he’s making, it’s cawl.

[Another pause.]

Is this normal for rodents in this time?

I wouldn't say so no! But then again I'm a particularly poor example of what might be normal in any realm, as you might see!

[He waves a wing.] That does sound rather tasty however....

Perhaps indeed, the rodents here occasionally bear a member of particular intelligence, and this one happened to pursue culinary arts to that end?

Oh!

The cold box is known as a 'fridge' or a 'refrigerator', upon that other note! It's a rather impressive marvel! I'd heard there had been work in using particular gasses to take the place of ice boxes, but now they've managed with electricity..!

Oh, yes. Some of the rats here can cook. I haven't figured out why or how, yet, but they're very good at it.

Aye, I can tell.

[He’s not drunk. He’s pretty sure he didn’t drink so much as to get this drunk. He’s learned from the horse-man. Which means this is real, probably, although Edward is not about to rule out the possibility of having gone mad the same way Vane did. Prison can scramble people’s brains something fierce.

Get a grip on yourself, Kenway.]

Cawl? It’s a stew my mother used to make, when I was a boy. Granted, she didn’t use that many carrots. [The rat is tossing in slices of carrot into the pot, unmindful of being filmed beyond the occasional cheery flick of his tail. Clearly he likes being on social media.] That’s all well and good, but my chief concern is if it’s made sure whatever it cooks is safe for me to eat. I’ve captained a ship, the rats there had rolled around in shit and rot and worse.

[As for the fridge:] Aye, it’s a useful marvel, all right. Never seen anything of its like before, and to think that it’s so common—you say they managed it with electricity?

“Very good” is putting it lightly. I’ve had three cooks on my ship over the years and nothing they’ve made comes close to the smell from the stew this rat is making.

So you’re saying this is so common as to be almost unremarkable?

In Kaisou? Yes. This city has gotten exceptionally weirder the last year and a half. I wouldn't be surprised if cats started dancing in the streets and no one thought anything of it soon.

We already have rats that can cook, cats that can dance may be an inevitability at this point.

How strange, exactly, should I expect the city to get, in the course of the day? I’d like to not make a fool of myself staring like a befuddled cow at my surroundings.

The owner of the Vogue theater is a zebra centaur. I started this year a fairly normal human man but have since gained two fox tails and some mermaid traits. I am dating a man not from this world who is now turning a bit draconic. My cousin, in her past life, was some sort of immortal emperor. We have monthly posts from users on the app who get visions of the future. There is a Goodwill shop in the Undertown that's only open randomly and has the strangest things and the owner talks about the stars all the time.

Just some examples.

Oh that looks good. What kind of stew is he making?

[He asks like there's nothing weird about this at all]

you should be taking notes. rats don't live very long lives.

Ohhhhhh yeah, the cooking rat. That's a thing that happens here sometimes.

It's- it's honestly best not to think about that too hard. Sometimes you just get a rat who can cook and that's just what's happening.

[The music and the cooking rat are new for this guy too, but he's already picked up on the number one lesson of Kaisou.]

I've learned that the sooner you suspend your disbelief, the easier it is to take things in this city as they come. This is from the perspective of a man who's only been here a month.

[You know what, fuck it, this is his life now. There’s a rat cooking in his kitchen and not three days ago he met a half-man half-horse over a tiny device that could put the Observatory to shame. He can answer a question.]

It’s a cawl. It’s a kind of stew that my mother would make after a long day, when I was a child back in Swansea.

More carrots than she would’ve liked, though.

I did ask for it. I think I’ve met the zebra centaur, actually. I thought I’d had too much rum. The Goodwill shop I walked into, but I thought the owner was a lunatic.

Your cousin’s past life apparently wasn’t that immortal, by the way. You would have to die first to be reborn.

I did say "some sort". I don't understand it and frankly can't believe it.

I have accepted that the rat is going to cook for the foreseeable future. I am not going to take notes on his cooking on top of that.

Anyway, I’m not a half-bad cook myself, though I do it rarely. I know how to make a cawl well enough.

[The rat is now gently stirring the cawl. Behind the camera, the sounds of someone popping open and chugging a bottle can be heard. Sometimes you just need to cope with insane bullshit however you can.]

Well, so long as he washes himself first before he sets a paw on my food, I’ll leave him be. Damned rodent knows how to cook a cawl, and that’s more than I can say for the past three cooks the Jackdaw’s had.

the "foreseeable future" is a year at most.

what's a cawl?

[ The dramatic soundtrack is everything... A young freckled boy is smirking at the camera knowingly, maybe even a little smugly. ]

Yeah, no, some rats do that. It's a rat-thing — totally normal. In fact, I know two rats like that. They make great arepas, hah~

[ Fun Fact: it's not a normal "rat-thing." ]

[That's right just move into acceptance it's the only way to keep sane]

A cawl? I've never had that, kind of stuff does it have in it?

But that's nice the rat's trying to make a familiar dish for you. They sound thoughtful.

[Sometimes, you just gotta cope how you can. Varian gets it!!!]

I'm pretty sure he will. I've seen them before, they've uh, they've got pretty high standards of food hygiene. Probably better than most of the fast-food places in the city. Cawl's really good!

Is the Jackdaw somewhere uh...where you came from? Like a pub? It sounds like a pub.

Normal for here, but I’ve seen rats on ships back home and I wouldn’t trust them with rotting cheese, let alone fresh vegetables. Ships’ rats have the nasty habit of not washing before they touch any sort of food.

[In this, they share a lot in common with pirates.

The rat in the video flicks his tail in clear annoyance, shooting Edward, who’s behind the camera, a peeved look.]

I said ships’ rats. Are we on a ship?

[The rat shakes his head, mollified, and gets back to work.]

I’ve had arepas once before. Fair bit grittier than I would’ve liked. [He had shitty arepas made with shitty ingredients in a shitty little pirate town.] Are they any better here?

Aye, I’m beginning to see your point: adapt to insanity or go insane yourself.

A month? That’s fast. I’ve been here maybe a week and a half and I still can’t quite believe it myself.

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