[Just thinking "this may as well happen" is the best way to handle him.]

You know you can go to fancy places where you get more than like...a dollop of grey stuff on your plate, right? [You can eat well for your money, Dante!] Besides, if your brother is paying for it, you can let him do that and then just get like... a Denny's afterwards. He gets to take you out, you get a bucket of chicken tenders later and you get to stop him complaining at you. Everyone wins.

[Work smarter not harder Dante!!!]

You are right, obvi. Having me around is the greatest gift anyone could EVER ask for. [His ego doesn't need any more feeding, he won't fit through doors anymore.] Buuuuut you've gotta give your friends a nice present for their birthday.